how important are looks to you?

IntoxicatingToxin

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I've always found this to be an odd question. Mostly because whether or not someone looks good changes from person to person to person. What I find attractive others might not. If I didn't find a person attractive, I don't think I could be with them. Having said that, though, I don't 'require' anything to find a person attractive. I'd dated tall guys, short guys, skinny guys, fat guys, guys with bad acne, guys with bad teeth, guys with bad hair... at the end of the day, I was still attracted to them.

I don't believe much in 'leagues'. I've never really thought that I was out of a person's league nor have I thought that anyone was out of my league. There are people I don't want to be with because of their personality traits or habits or something, but I don't put them in a different 'league'... the just aren't for me.
 

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I've always found this to be an odd question. Mostly because whether or not someone looks good changes from person to person to person. What I find attractive others might not. If I didn't find a person attractive, I don't think I could be with them. Having said that, though, I don't 'require' anything to find a person attractive. I'd dated tall guys, short guys, skinny guys, fat guys, guys with bad acne, guys with bad teeth, guys with bad hair... at the end of the day, I was still attracted to them.

I don't believe much in 'leagues'. I've never really thought that I was out of a person's league nor have I thought that anyone was out of my league. There are people I don't want to be with because of their personality traits or habits or something, but I don't put them in a different 'league'... the just aren't for me.

Amen. I agree with every word in this post, especially the first paragraph. I don't really like the question either, but it's a common one and one lots of people like to debate about.
 
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luka82

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What if he had a huge pus oozing cold sore on his lip and wanted to kiss you?:tongue:
We would have to wait for it to heal. :wink:
What about when a person looks repulsive, say massively overweight, and it's because of his laziness and lack of caring about his appearance?

They go hand in hand IMO.
The last guy I kissed was overweight.
He was brilliant, soon to have a PhD in physics. He was funny, very talkative.
Some people would say that compared to him I look like a Grecian GOD.
He was the one who dumped ME!
I had butterflies in my stomach and the way he smelled was something most beautiful I have ever smelled in my life.
Get my point? :smile:
 
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1Cody

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This thread is pretty timely for me. Looks fade over time. So there has to be more than looks for the relationship to survive. To seek looks only is rather shallow and at times I have been guilty of that. It is timely because I realize I need to pay more attention to my looks. I am not going to knock myself totally out losing the extra 20 lbs or injure myself toning up. But people do like to be around attractive people in social situations. Sure they are my friends and they like me already. But why not be at my best? Summer is coming up and there will be soccer, shirts vs no shirts, swimming, pool parties, summer get togethers at lakes ect. This year maybe I will comfortably take the shirt off without being self concious. Who knows, I may attract a mate!
 
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_Jonesy

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Good looks are totally subjective. I was dating a girl a year back who was stunning, and she thought I was really good looking too. A month ago I stopped seeing a girl who was pretty but not on that same level because she thought I was "perfect but she just wasn't attracted to me". It hurt my pride but then I remembered that it isn't so much an insult to my looks more a unique point of view.

To me, I have dated girls that look vastly different. Although looks are a first impression, and so is the personality first impression generally I seem to 'like' a girl for totally inexplicable reasons to me.

Literally, I seem to have no control over it. Although I also know I can see a girl I am initially not that interested in and grow to really like them.
 
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crescendo69

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how important are looks to you?

Less and less as the bar gets closer to last call.:biggrin1:

I find good looks to be subjective; some guys that turn me on are not considered that good-looking by most standards. And it is how we "fit" that really matters, which is based on many factors besides looks.
 
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redz_rule

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You can't be arsed to pick it apart because it's true and you have no real argument to defend your opinion, so you follow up by attacking my personality.

Pretty weak minded and uneducated it seems to reaffirm my preconceptions doesn't it.

In what way? Are you assuming that I am fat and therefore uneducated and weak minded? I don't need to attack your personality - your own words illustrate the fact that you are a tool.

You want the long version, you can have it, but the short version was more flattering *shrug*

Looks matter to me as I believe they are the visualisation of what's going on inside a persons mind.

So seeing a 200 pound woman tells me she lacks self criticism, poor stress management, socialy unaware, low self image, uneducated and a lack of self discipline.

So to me it's not about the excessive fat as some large women can look pretty but for me it is what it represents.
And I always hear the excuse of some disease or medication and that is exactly what they are, excuses.

That is your failing then. You are perfectly entitled to find her unattractive – that is your prerogative and that is not what is in question. Your laughable insinuations that you have some sort of special insight into a person’s mind by merely looking at them is incredibly arrogant and given your post history, I have trouble attributing basic comprehension skills to you, let alone super powers.


The character traits that you have bestowed on her, are entirely unfair and a symptom of your prejudice – you are labelling her negatively because you don’t find her attractive. It’s discrimination plain and simple. You don’t want to date her? Fine. She had a lucky escape. The danger is when someone like you ends up on an interview panel, for example, and assumes personality traits based exclusively on appearance.


Again, you don’t have to find her attractive, but she could be perfectly happy with the way she looks and not trying to please anybody but herself. You are superficial enough to insist that anyone who is self aware, able to cope with stress, socially apt, confident, educated and disciplined would of course strive to be thin, because that is what you yourself value. Why don’t you stop insulting people’s intelligence by trying to justify the importance you place on looks and just own it.


Doesn't mean all of the above can't still be true for a slim DD bimbo but the odds are a lot slimmer.
What????? I’d like you to quote those odds. There is absolutely no basis in fact for this that I am aware of. Feel free to prove it. Both of my parents are slim so I am slim – a lucky genetic fluke. My education, the fact that I am an engineer, is in no way linked to my weight. What the hell does boob size have to do with stress management, education or any other of the traits you listed? Oh, and the way you linked big boobs with bimbo status was an especially nice touch.



Same goes for one of my neigbor girls who has a B cup but does everything to make em look like a D cup and puts excessive make up on.

Tells me she is dying for male attention regardless who it's from or if they are in it for the long run.

Wouldn't go for her either even though she is a pretty girl her desperation putts me off.
Really. Who decides how much make-up is too much? It’s entirely subjective. I wear make-up, I don’t think it’s too much and I have no idea if you would think so. Guess what? I couldn’t give a shit because I wear it for me. I cannot speak for all women the way that you believe you can, I wouldn’t dream of it, but what I will say is that the most pressure I have ever felt in regard to my appearance came from other women.



To me, these sweeping generalisations make you seem extremely young and extremely ill-informed. But hey, at least I’m not jumping to that conclusion from the way you look.


So looks do matter and at the same time they don't, just for me I look for clues in your appearance and what they tell about a persons psyche.
The impression I am left with is that you don’t have the tools to pull this off. What you have displayed is prejudice, not insight and it's just unfortunate for you that you can't quite grasp the difference.
 

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in dating,or in a committed relationship.
have you ever felt someone was "out of your league"? just because they were "hot"?
call me strange,but i never understood that "league" shit at all.

I was intrigued to find this thread, because I'm struggling a bit with this topic (even though I know what the right decision is), though from a slightly different angle.

I'm a very clean cut kinda nerdy guy at 38; and though I respect the art of tattooing and those who express themselves by getting them, I personally find them a huge turn off on a woman.

Yet here I am attracted to a much younger lady (21) who I met on Literotica.com. We've know each other coming up to two years, we've spent a lot of time together, and she has clearly expressed on many occasions that she is attracted to me, as I am to her. However, she has numerous tattoos including a full back piece of art.

I struggle because I do enjoy my time with her, and could easily fall into a committed relationship, but being true to myself I know I know that physically (we have not had sex at all, just kissing; I've only seen pics of her back artwork), I am just not excited about what she has, and the fact that she wants to get more. Very selfish I know, but I think it's well accepted that men are visual creatures, and in this case, friends is all we can be. I want to be with someone I am both mentally and physically attracted to, and tattoos...well I just can't do it.

The other aspect, fitting the question of "out of my league", is the age gap, and that I personally find her extremely hot (along with her fans at Lit). She was a BBW when I met her, but she has since gotten gastric bypass surgery, and is losing weight quite fast. I know she likes attention (I found her because she was posting nude pics asking if guys thought she was hot), and she often goes to bars to flirt with guys to get free drinks (I feel she has a drinking problem, but that is a whole other thread). I have a strong feeling that as she falls into the "slim" category body-wise, and being well endowed in the boob area, she is going to start receiving a LOT more of the attention she saw her "skinny blonde friends" get when they go out. How, at 38, can I compete with young, attractive college guys?

So on both counts, very out of my league, if any of that makes sense.
 

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I have to say that looks are jointly important (along with a good personality and sense of humour) to me because it makes me a lot happier when I'm dating someone, I want to introduce the guy to my parents or to my friends (if I ever got any) and colleagues (if ever got another job) and say this is my gorgeous boyfriend who I love very much and makes me feel happy and good about myself; that doesn't mean I'm picky, there are lots of kinds of guys who I find attractive but like everyone I find some more than others. I just wish I was attractive myself then I might get one...
 

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Looks are important for that initial attraction but ya better have something there besides looks or the size of your cock if ya want a fifth date. lol.

I feel short changed a lot because most men I am attracted to don't find me attractive. I guess they are in another league by the fact that I will never ever be able to enjoy sex with them or even get to know them as friends which saddens me sometimes.

I just checked your profile pic and I think you're very attractive, but then as been mentioned already in this thread and by yourself we are probably in different leagues so I expect that you would not be attracted to me.
 

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I just checked your profile pic and I think you're very attractive, but then as been mentioned already in this thread and by yourself we are probably in different leagues so I expect that you would not be attracted to me.

Don't do that!
Coming across with a huge inferiority complex can really hurt you. It's a turn off.
Ever hear the term " fake it till you make it" ? Could pertain to a lot of things, but in this case, let it be confidence.

I had one date with a guy who I felt was attractive enough to date. He was only about 5'4" but I'm 5'1", so he was taller than I.
However, once we sat down to eat he went on and on about how cute I was, and would then say he couldn't believe I'd go out with him.
It was just embarrassing. The compliments, while appreciated were just too much.
At first I tried to reason with him and let him know that I didn't see what he was talking about, and I did find him attractive. He'd argue every point.
Eventually he began to turn me off, I just saw him as someone unable to be the "man", and seemed so down.

My husband on the other hand is overly confident. But he is not an ass about it.
Maybe that's one thing that drew me to him. I see him as someone I can depend on and can handle most anything. I think it makes me feel safe.
He believes in himself, so I do too.

Especially for you guys, even if you feel you are not in league, have confidence in yourself as a man. You don't know what she is looking for, or where she is in her life. If your not convinced your good for her, how can she be.

It wasn't just my husbands confidence or his looks that I was drawn to, but his vast patience and ability to listen and understand me. Yes, it's his job to listen to people. But I had a very difficult childhood and I wanted...needed more in a man than a pretty face.
I also wanted the father I didn't have for my kids. He ticked a lot of boxes.
But I certainly didn't realized then that any of those things were on my mind.

Only now do I realize it.

Muster up that confidence . You are perfect for the right woman. (or guy)
 

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In what way? Are you assuming that I am fat and therefore uneducated and weak minded? I don't need to attack your personality - your own words illustrate the fact that you are a tool.

You want the long version, you can have it, but the short version was more flattering *shrug*



That is your failing then. You are perfectly entitled to find her unattractive – that is your prerogative and that is not what is in question. Your laughable insinuations that you have some sort of special insight into a person’s mind by merely looking at them is incredibly arrogant and given your post history, I have trouble attributing basic comprehension skills to you, let alone super powers.


The character traits that you have bestowed on her, are entirely unfair and a symptom of your prejudice – you are labelling her negatively because you don’t find her attractive. It’s discrimination plain and simple. You don’t want to date her? Fine. She had a lucky escape. The danger is when someone like you ends up on an interview panel, for example, and assumes personality traits based exclusively on appearance.


Again, you don’t have to find her attractive, but she could be perfectly happy with the way she looks and not trying to please anybody but herself. You are superficial enough to insist that anyone who is self aware, able to cope with stress, socially apt, confident, educated and disciplined would of course strive to be thin, because that is what you yourself value. Why don’t you stop insulting people’s intelligence by trying to justify the importance you place on looks and just own it.


What????? I’d like you to quote those odds. There is absolutely no basis in fact for this that I am aware of. Feel free to prove it. Both of my parents are slim so I am slim – a lucky genetic fluke. My education, the fact that I am an engineer, is in no way linked to my weight. What the hell does boob size have to do with stress management, education or any other of the traits you listed? Oh, and the way you linked big boobs with bimbo status was an especially nice touch.



Really. Who decides how much make-up is too much? It’s entirely subjective. I wear make-up, I don’t think it’s too much and I have no idea if you would think so. Guess what? I couldn’t give a shit because I wear it for me. I cannot speak for all women the way that you believe you can, I wouldn’t dream of it, but what I will say is that the most pressure I have ever felt in regard to my appearance came from other women.



To me, these sweeping generalisations make you seem extremely young and extremely ill-informed. But hey, at least I’m not jumping to that conclusion from the way you look.


The impression I am left with is that you don’t have the tools to pull this off. What you have displayed is prejudice, not insight and it's just unfortunate for you that you can't quite grasp the difference.

When you are ambitious you know people will judge you on appearance, it influences wether you get that loan or someone does you a favor etc.

When you are educated, chances are you know about the long term effects of processed food and being overweight.

These are not just my preconceptions, actuall research has been done on this. The lower the education received the greater the chances are of being overweight.

As for my neighbor girl her appearance, red lipstick blue eyeshades, fake eyelashes and dyed hair reeks of desperation and all the boys in town reek it too as half of them have had her.

I'm not seeing how my preconceptions don't add up, all I'm seeing is how you yourself don't want to be defined by my preconceptions since all you do is say me me me, but in my environment they have helped me judge someones character before I had the chance to actually experience them.

I'm open to exceptions but they are rare and show only trough multiple meetings with that person.

If I have to make a quick judgement call on looks by stereotyping and using preconceptions I will do just that. Doesn't make my first opinion a definite one though.

You dress like a police officer, act like a police officer then that's exactly what I'll think you are but hey I might be wrong and once in every 10 years it's actually a stripper in a halloween costume. I can't tell by looks alone but I can make an assumption.
 

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Well you can't see someone's personality from across a room so its a great way to get people to come up to you. There however are some really attractive people who open their mouths and suddenly become so much less attractive, they type that I somehow attract for some strange reason considering I'm not the best looking guy that has walked the face of the earth. So, yeah, being attractive is rarely ever going to hurt you, however there needs to be a lot more to that.
 

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Don't do that!
Coming across with a huge inferiority complex can really hurt you. It's a turn off.
Ever hear the term " fake it till you make it" ? Could pertain to a lot of things, but in this case, let it be confidence.

^ This!

In my opinion, it's ALL about self-confidence. Nothing is less appealing than meeting a guy who is trying to guilt-trip you into liking him. Granted, this usually only happens online.
 

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Don't do that!
Coming across with a huge inferiority complex can really hurt you. It's a turn off.
Ever hear the term " fake it till you make it" ? Could pertain to a lot of things, but in this case, let it be confidence.

I had one date with a guy who I felt was attractive enough to date. He was only about 5'4" but I'm 5'1", so he was taller than I.
However, once we sat down to eat he went on and on about how cute I was, and would then say he couldn't believe I'd go out with him.
It was just embarrassing. The compliments, while appreciated were just too much.
At first I tried to reason with him and let him know that I didn't see what he was talking about, and I did find him attractive. He'd argue every point.
Eventually he began to turn me off, I just saw him as someone unable to be the "man", and seemed so down.

My husband on the other hand is overly confident. But he is not an ass about it.
Maybe that's one thing that drew me to him. I see him as someone I can depend on and can handle most anything. I think it makes me feel safe.
He believes in himself, so I do too.

Especially for you guys, even if you feel you are not in league, have confidence in yourself as a man. You don't know what she is looking for, or where she is in her life. If your not convinced your good for her, how can she be.

It wasn't just my husbands confidence or his looks that I was drawn to, but his vast patience and ability to listen and understand me. Yes, it's his job to listen to people. But I had a very difficult childhood and I wanted...needed more in a man than a pretty face.
I also wanted the father I didn't have for my kids. He ticked a lot of boxes.
But I certainly didn't realized then that any of those things were on my mind.

Only now do I realize it.

Muster up that confidence . You are perfect for the right woman. (or guy)

THIS.