Eh...fuck it, I'll write a quick lil advice column blog post/ramble here since I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately
Answer: It depends. Ultimately, your personality - intelligence, passion, your actions, compassion, lifestyle etc - matter more than anything, especially in long term relationships. Picture someone who's hateful, socially and culturally weird, or thinks of you as less than human and try to imagine having enough emotional rapport w/ them to make even a one night stand worth it. It's not.
That's not to say looks never matter - they often do. To some extent at least. You'll rarely hear most sexually and romantically active woman admit it because it leaves us vulnerable to misogynistic emotional abuse, but, to put it one way, there's a reason why the most famous pop stars and actors tend to have sex appeal, and why dating apps are popular and happen to have a swipe left feature. I'll leave it at that. Maybe it sounds kinda shallow, but yes, sexy looks can definitely help with getting your foot in the door.
That said, any dude who tries making it about sex/gender would do well to put their historical perspective glasses on and notice how much more socially acceptable it is and has been for
men to have bodytype preferences instead of women. At the end of the day we have just as much right to ogle over hotties as anyone else.
Looks aside, anyone who you'd want to date tends to base most of their attraction on, as Bruce Lee might say, the emotional content of a person: emotional connection is and should be more important than anything as far as relationships AND hookups are concerned. As someone ITT already pointed out, it's the difference between a shitty gift with nice wrapping paper and an amazing one that's aesthetically uninteresting on the outside. So regardless of your appearance, if on the inside you're gross, ugly, fragile or insecure, it tends to be unattractive to us for the most part. Oh, and due to a phenomenon called the uncanny valley effect, sometimes looking super attractive can even
amplify a response of disgust to unattractive behavior. At the end of the day, it's not always easy street for conventionally sexy men (or women) since you're still forced to put as much work into your personality as your appearance. So while it might be true that you feel judged for your looks more often than you'd like, please also keep in mind how the content of your actions and emotions can enhance looks that aren't generally considered attractive.
Lastly, while it might seem less common, there are absolutely girls who chase a variety of body types - including short and/or fat men! So it's highly possible dudes who are insecure about their appearance could easily miss out on a partner who's
specifically attracted to the looks they're afraid of being judged harshly for. At that point, if you strike out, it's 100% on you, I'm afraid. So keep at it and do what ya gotta do to be who you want to be and who the person you're attracted to wants you to be! Good luck
