How important is honesty within a relationship?

How important is honesty in a relationship?

  • Extremely important

    Votes: 22 84.6%
  • Mildly important

    Votes: 3 11.5%
  • I don't know, have to get back to you on that one.

    Votes: 1 3.8%
  • Mildly unimportant

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Not important at all

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    26

Blueranger16

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Extremely important.

'Course you gotta trust your partner, and your partner has got to trust you as well. No other way to get to trusting each other than being honest with each other. Or I could be wrong. Haha.

Nevertheless, dishonesty in a relationship is a common cause of problems among people in a relationship whether as friends or as lovers.

What's on your mind, temptotalk? :)
 

temptotalk

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Extremely important.

'Course you gotta trust your partner, and your partner has got to trust you as well. No other way to get to trusting each other than being honest with each other. Or I could be wrong. Haha.

Nevertheless, dishonesty in a relationship is a common cause of problems among people in a relationship whether as friends or as lovers.

What's on your mind, temptotalk? :)

Well since you asked. Was going back and forth on the topic of sexuality then remembered i saw a topic on huffington post not too long ago about well...

Is This Man Acting Unethically If He Doesn't Tell His Girlfriend He Dated Men?

then was about to ask the men of the site how they felt. Stopped then considered that i got into enough drama, figuring i'd just ask of all people. I think it's extremely important too and was just wondering if there were some sort of trend going now where most people don't see it as important anymore. Completely agree with you though.
 
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Blueranger16

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I think it's extremely important too and was just wondering if there were some sort of trend going now where most people don't see it as important anymore. Completely agree with you though.

I blame chauvinism, patriarchy, and the capitalistic society for that. A lot of us men are taught to become homophobes, or at least repress homosexual tendencies. If you deviate from that norm, you are thought less of a man.

Hence, this effed up culture precisely teaches that men could be dishonest all they want, since they're men. Women, on the other hand, if they'd had past relationships whether with men or women are perceived not as liberally as one would an dishonest man.
 

temptotalk

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I blame chauvinism, patriarchy, and the capitalistic society for that. A lot of us men are taught to become homophobes, or at least repress homosexual tendencies. If you deviate from that norm, you are thought less of a man.

Hence, this effed up culture precisely teaches that men could be dishonest all they want, since they're men. Women, on the other hand, if they'd had past relationships whether with men or women are perceived not as liberally as one would an dishonest man.

Can you do me a favor and get out of my head. Seriously, i was thinking the same thing but figured it'd be better just to ask the simplest of questions first. Think religion and entertainment has a lot to do with it as well but well you say pretty much all of what i was thinking so now i don't have anything left to type.

........
........
.......
Kevin Bacon! There i said something? :p
 
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Blueranger16

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Can you do me a favor and get out of my head.[/QUOTE

Which head are we talking about? :p

Think religion and entertainment has a lot to do with it as well

Add education to that. Nothing works faster than (mis)education at perpetuating crappy ideologies.

you say pretty much all of what i was thinking so now i don't have anything left to type.

........
........
.......
Kevin Bacon! There i said something? :p

So you're thinking of Kevin Bacon? :p
 

sundancerco

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i think it's really important. If you can't be truthful with your partner, then how do you expect to build a strong healthy relationship? Of course if you are casually dating someone, and don't have any plans on building a committed relationship, then I don't feel the need to admit my inner most thoughts or my complete past.
 

keenobserver

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I think we all agree that honesty is important in a relationship. That said, the past is past. If a lover or other person asked me directly if I had been with a specific person at some point, I would not lie. I might not feel it is something they have a right to know, but I would tell the truth. I do not feel a need to tell everyone everything about my past when I am in a relationship. Nor do I expect then to do that either.
 

EquusAZ

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For me? Extremely. My current ex (read all about the "good time" I've had with him - seriously everything went to hell all of a sudden because he couldn't tell me what was going on in his heart) is a good example of that. Stay true to yourselves and hold on to those who make you whole!
 

Phil Ayesho

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No one is entirely honest- Not ever.

We each inhabit our own minds entirely alone and none of us feel comfortable sharing everything that happens in there.

We think or feel heinous things… perhaps fleetingly, and embarrassingly… but we do.
We think banal things. We think selfish things.
We think petty things.


But then there is what we share- what we do, and say.

And if the only things we elect to share and to do are the nobel things, the kind things… are we then being deceitful?
Or, is who we really are actually the Choice we exercise over what we will share and what we will actually do.

Are we honestly everything that goes on within… or are we defined by what we consciously choose to conceal and why?

If I choose to ACT like a cad, and conceal that as best I can… I am actually acting like a cad.

But if I THINK about being unfaithful… but choose NOT to act on that feeling… do I need to be honest to my wife about the feeling? Or is sharing that feeling only a way in which I can injure her, or make her feel less secure in my affections?
Or, even, a ploy I am using to elicit some renegotiation between us?

We are all dishonest in some manner or form… but it is that manner and form that reveals our true characters.

More important than Honesty in any relationship is KINDNESS.

Because if I am KIND, then the only things I will be dishonest about are the things that would only harm my love.
And I won't DO anything harmful that I would need to conceal.
 

bi_todd

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More important than Honesty in any relationship is KINDNESS. Because if I am KIND, then the only things I will be dishonest about are the things that would only harm my love. And I won't DO anything harmful that I would need to conceal.
This is a wonderful sentiment - thank you, Phil.

In an imperfect world of imperfect relationships between imperfect humans, harmful acts will occur. In those situations, is it better to be honest and disclose such things, thereby transferring the pain from the guilty to the innocent? Or is it better to be kind and conceal the act with a resolution to do better and be better?

In my own imperfect life, I have arrived at the conclusion that kindness sometimes must trump honesty. With missteps, it seems unjust to hand a bucket of pain to the innocent in order to provide absolution for the guilty.

* I have a strong feeling that the coming flames will make me regret responding to this thread. *
 

Phil Ayesho

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* I have a strong feeling that the coming flames will make me regret responding to this thread. *

Never fear the fire... The flames are just the plasma of a powerful reaction, and no significant change occurs without a powerful reaction.

The more vociferous the challenge, the more potentially impactful the ideas.
And for every person countering, there may be three who, some days or years hence, may find their opinions or beliefs altered.

Every idea we deem worthy and Nobel today was shouted down when first forwarded.
 
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Scarletbegonia

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Trust is the basis of romantic love. Lust helps considerably, of course.
Trust and respect are the foundation of relationships.

So what's the line between enough information to develop trust and over sharing, or withholding?

I'm curious, so I ask about pasts. I try not to judge, but I'm human.

I do expect my partner to disclose additional partners. We do distance, and have an agreement. While we are fluid bonded, with any additional partners we use barrier methods.
I know that in our six years, we haven't wandered much, and I know the situations. As does he.
He has had limited contact with a male, as a third in a threesome.
My curiosity was more along what was enjoyable, what he'd try again, etc.

I love my partner and want him happy. The inverse is also true. We do deal with jealousy, but try to remember it's poison. But I see the releif in his eyes now that he's the primary partner again.

I ask if he's seen his friends, code for the threesome, and if he's been bad on the road.
I know his reality is the women still standing at the end of the night are not his type. He's got no tolerance for drunks, the vapid, the desperate and smokers. It's part of why we work together well.
I report the rare occasion I have any outside contact.


This works because we are independent, and self sufficient for the most part. I've learned to speak up for my needs. It also works because we are friends first, last and always.

So, do I need to know if he's enjoying dudes? Not really. I trust he's being safe. He's smart.
I'm curious, of course, and the no judgement (or more accurately for us both, gentle teasing) zone makes it easy to be open.
 
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If your partner doesn't trust you or vice versa then it is extremely difficult to have a meaningful conversation with them and if you feel you can't converse then there is no relationship
 
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AlteredEgo

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Well since you asked. Was going back and forth on the topic of sexuality then remembered i saw a topic on huffington post not too long ago about well...

Is This Man Acting Unethically If He Doesn't Tell His Girlfriend He Dated Men?

then was about to ask the men of the site how they felt. Stopped then considered that i got into enough drama, figuring i'd just ask of all people. I think it's extremely important too and was just wondering if there were some sort of trend going now where most people don't see it as important anymore. Completely agree with you though.
Well, I've been honest about my promiscuity. I've been honest about my failed relationships, and what went wrong, and how much of it was my doing. I've been honest about my foibles. I've even been honest about my fears. I expect the same in return.

I've already been married to a guy who I am pretty sure is in the closet. I just couldn't deal with that situation again. Do you know what it is like to be devoted to someone who does love you, but is only pretending to be attracted to you? To break off the relationship and discover he's mourning his lost opportunity to make a family more than the loss of your partnership? I can't come out okay on the other side of that twice. I can't do this again and still be myself. If my current dude had a sexual history that included same-sex experimentation, curiosity, even fantasy, I would not have committed to him. If I found out he lied to me about such a thing I would be very disappointed, and then he would be very sorry. It isn't irrelevant. Not to me.

Now, to address your generalized OP, honesty is important. I give of myself to the people I choose to have around me. I want their real selves in return.
 

halcyondays

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Honesty implies truth. Truth is relative. Truth is the first casualty of war... and love.

If I'm interested in someone, his/her previous loves are none of my business and mine are none of his/hers. Part of loving and trusting someone is respecting their inmost privacy. I brook no violation of mine.

No one is an open book. No one.
 

temptotalk

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Well, I've been honest about my promiscuity. I've been honest about my failed relationships, and what went wrong, and how much of it was my doing. I've been honest about my foibles. I've even been honest about my fears. I expect the same in return.

I've already been married to a guy who I am pretty sure is in the closet. I just couldn't deal with that situation again. Do you know what it is like to be devoted to someone who does love you, but is only pretending to be attracted to you? To break off the relationship and discover he's mourning his lost opportunity to make a family more than the loss of your partnership? I can't come out okay on the other side of that twice. I can't do this again and still be myself. If my current dude had a sexual history that included same-sex experimentation, curiosity, even fantasy, I would not have committed to him. If I found out he lied to me about such a thing I would be very disappointed, and then he would be very sorry. It isn't irrelevant. Not to me.

Now, to address your generalized OP, honesty is important. I give of myself to the people I choose to have around me. I want their real selves in return.

I can fully understand where you're coming from. And i feel the same. Been on both sides of dishonesty and have learned that maybe it is a cultural thing. Not a generational thing.