How important is job/ finances in dating/ hookups?

dfresh3

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So I just thought of this because as I get older I realize how important this is to women. One of the first things their friends and family will ask about new guy is " what does he do"? On dating apps when I list my job ( bartender) I get 80% less matches. When we have conversations it will literally end when I mention what I do for work. Girls don't even just fuck a "loser" even if he is decent looking and has other things going for them. I'm assuming you guys dont even care about such things?
 

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For a hook up it would not be an issue at all, if things were moving towards a relationship and commitments it would certainly be important. How important is hard to say - the ability to at least be able to take care of himself and be financially responsible indirectly goes to character. I would be looking for someone who wants a partner, not a financial savior, but it is not critical that a potential partner be equal financially, but I'm not comfortable with someone who STARTS a relationship in a deep financial hole.
 

Brodie888

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When it comes to sex, I don't think financial stability factors too heavily to gay men. I'd say most of my straight friends are the same.

Relationships tend to be more stable when both people are roughly equal or balanced out by other traits.

The factor that gay men don't have to worry about is pregnancy and being reliant on a man to put bread on the table for the following 18 years.
 

Sklar

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From my experience on Grindr and Scruff, the vast majority of men/boys want to see dick pictures before they will talk to you.

I'm over generalizing here but this is how it seems to go:

Them: Hello, hot pic! Do you have anymore?

Me: No, too many picture collectors on line.

Them: (silence) or block.

Situation 2:

After actually chatting a few moments they send an unsolicited picture of their cock or ass.

Them: Let me see yours!

Me: No

Them: (Silence) or block

Scruff at least lets you put down your occupation, if you choose to do so.

Sklar
 

dfresh3

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From my experience on Grindr and Scruff, the vast majority of men/boys want to see dick pictures before they will talk to you.

I'm over generalizing here but this is how it seems to go:

Them: Hello, hot pic! Do you have anymore?

Me: No, too many picture collectors on line.

Them: (silence) or block.

Situation 2:

After actually chatting a few moments they send an unsolicited picture of their cock or ass.

Them: Let me see yours!

Me: No

Them: (Silence) or block

Scruff at least lets you put down your occupation, if you choose to do so.

Sklar
Haha sounds about what I hear from women on dating apps too lol.
 
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KuronoB

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Job/finances don't matter much when hooking up, but they are very important to me when dating. I want a successful long term partner who can meaningfully contribute to us living an enjoyable lifestyle while saving plenty of money for a comfortable retirement. I hold up my end of that bargain, and I want a man who can do the same. During the first date, I always ask about the guy's job and education, partially to break the ice with basic topics, and partially to see if the answers are good enough or a red flag.
 
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hvdude

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OK, so if I met you for a hookup you could be the chairman of Honda or a mechanic in their shop. LOL! BUT after that the conversation does turn to what you do. Would I have an issue with you being a bartender? HELL NO! And if my family did (which they wouldn't) then screw them. Honestly, if you meet a girl who has an issue with it, we'd love to have you! ; )
 

dfresh3

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Haha no thanks homie. But I appreciate it. As a kid and young adult I really didnt know all this. I genuinely thought people dated and got married because they liked each other and that was it.....I mean I get the idea. Everyone wants a nice easy life and money makes life easy. But even when I was making 100k bartending girls would hold the job title against me.
 

Brodie888

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Haha no thanks homie. But I appreciate it. As a kid and young adult I really didnt know all this. I genuinely thought people dated and got married because they liked each other and that was it.....I mean I get the idea. Everyone wants a nice easy life and money makes life easy. But even when I was making 100k bartending girls would hold the job title against me.

It's possible that it's more than just a financial security thing. It could be a combination with the hours you work and the fact that they are insecure that you might not be able to resist the temptation of drunk girls throwing themselves at you in your workplace.
 
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550987

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So I just thought of this because as I get older I realize how important this is to women. One of the first things their friends and family will ask about new guy is " what does he do"? On dating apps when I list my job ( bartender) I get 80% less matches. When we have conversations it will literally end when I mention what I do for work. Girls don't even just fuck a "loser" even if he is decent looking and has other things going for them. I'm assuming you guys dont even care about such things?

If I'm hooking up idc as long as he's not trying to do it in his car bc he has a million roommates, but if we're dating, all I need to know is I'm not paying for EVERYTHING EVERY TIME
 

ohiorod

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For a hook up, I would not care about finances, education or employment. But for a partnership, I would be much more discerning. I would not be interested in someone who is my age and financially insecure. It isn’t that I worry about them being after my money, but I would be concerned about our different values.
 

linniejr

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For a hook up, I would not care about finances, education or employment. But for a partnership, I would be much more discerning. I would not be interested in someone who is my age and financially insecure. It isn’t that I worry about them being after my money, but I would be concerned about our different values.

Ohiorod, amen to that. I'm not saying that the guy has to be a stockbroker, but even if he's working at Burger King and being a responsible person, that's who I would want as my partner.
 
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deleted1074483

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as others have said for a hook up, who cares, its about bodies and sex.

for a relationship quite honestly I don't care what job a guy has, I do prefer a guy to actually have a job though, and I don't care about his education so long as he has a decent mind and as Brodie said so long as you balance out with other traits its all cool.

for me though its far more about having similar values in a relationship than money or educational certificates and I've dated across the social spectrum and my current bf is a gardener, and I see that he works incredibly hard at his job and is passionate about it and about life in general, so I appreciate that more.
 

DMCD76btm

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Hookups should not matter at all?

As for dating, wtf is wrong with being a bartender anyhow?

I'd be hesitant to get in a relationship with someone who's work is ethically or politically objectionable to me -- like a lawyer for an organization or cause I don't support. But if someone is ok financially and has an honest job they like, who cares?

You don't want people that concerned with status anyhow.
 

Andrue

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I likewise wouldn’t care about a hookup’s work or financial status. As long as we get on enough to have a good time, that’s the base requirement. A bit of a step up from that would be having complimentary viewpoints on social stuff to become friends, but the bar raises for a partner.

I would add that the women who drop you the minute you tell them you’re a bartender are doing you a huge favour. They’re weeding themselves out of your selection pool for being too shallow and, quite possibly, being the sort that thinks all bartenders are “sluts” who’ll bang anything that crosses their path. Not the type of person you’d want to develop a relationship with.

Consider that a plus. Those that DON’T have an issue with it are the ones you want to get to know better anyway, whether that’s a one time or very short term thing or an actual potential LTR.
 
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concupisys

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ironically, i actually prefer guys who are not well off and don't have lucrative jobs.... i don't give doctors, lawyers, executives, public servants (people in politics), or traveling workers the time of day.... it's far too easy for them to just up and move on when something better comes along, and i have no interest in being connected to any kind of high life.... i live by the philosophy: 'the more you have, the more there is to lose....' ergo, i personally don't care to be upwardly mobile and like guys in the same position because i know our feet are firmly on the ground.... people who live in the world of wealth and luxury are alien to me, and only represent the most selfish and gluttonous parts of ourselves.... yeah, i know it's stereotyping.... but it's all ive ever experienced from that world.... i'd be more than happy to be with some dude who runs a hot dog stand or even cleans toilets as long as he's a good guy and good for me.... but since i don't date and don't want to be in a relationship, it really doesn't matter anyway.....
 
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wappingite

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Hookups. I find fucking a great way to tear down socio-economic barriers, I’ve met many guys from many different backgrounds, occupations, and walks of life through casual sex. It just doesn’t matter.

Relationships. It would be one of many variables in terms of overall compatibility. I’m in a relationship since we both had virtually nothing, so it’s hard to know how I’d assess it for a new one.

A note of caution about ‘what do you do?’ assumptions based on occupations or perceived wealth. I’ve dealt with credit most of my career. Many people who have high flying or flashy existences are sometimes precariously close to having it all fall apart. Wealth can be an illusion and having things doesn’t mean you own them. Don’t commit to a permanent same household relationship with anyone without having a good sense of their credit standing, outstanding debts, court judgements, etc. and whether you can live with any relating impacts and limitations.