What is that observation with married couples? In a good marriage sex is 10% of the relationship, in a bad one it is 90%. Perhaps it may be more important to those who are not getting regular sex and/or not in an emotionally fulfilling relationship or state of mind?
How important is sex in your life?
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whatireallywant
Sexy Member
Me too! Well, ok I haven't jumped out of a helicopter or airplane or ridden a motorcycle over 120 mph :biggrin1: But I AM another of those women who think about sex about every 60 seconds. And like you, I don't have a regular lover, and really never have. I have been in a long-term relationship but unfortunately the guy I was in the LTR with had medical problems that affected his sex drive. :frown1:
And again, me too! Even down to having the medical scare! I nearly died in 2003. I was in critical condition and could not eat or drink anything for over a week - they kept me alive through hydration by IV.
Unfortunately, simply wanting the pleasure isn't enough. You have to find someone who wants to have sex WITH YOU, and who isn't a psycho! That's where I have a problem... That and the fact that IRL I'm very shy.
Actually, freedom, knowledge and social acceptance are not as important as sex in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (BTW I was a psych major in college and of the personality theorists, my own personal philosophy comes closer to Maslow's than any of the others I learned about).
Sex is in the same category as food, water, clothing, shelter, etc. - Basic physical needs.
Just under that comes safety. Although I'd say that safety is also a basic physical need, so I'd actually lump that in with the first category.
Under that comes love and belongingness (that's where the social acceptance comes in).
After that comes esteem (knowledge, etc.) needs.
And after that comes self-actualization - which very few people actually attain.
I'm personally ok in the basic physical needs department WITH THE EXCEPTION OF sex, so of course that dominates my thoughts.
I'm also hung up on (and have been all my life) the "love and belongingness"/social acceptance needs.
OMG!!
I cannot even imagine going 3 years without sex....especially at 21 !
Wow.
Just Wow.
This is what is so wonderful about human beings - we are all connected, we are all one, yet ....we are all sooooooooooo different! To each his/her own. But ...wow.!
I've gone for 4, 5 and 6 years without sex, and didn't have sex at all until I was 21. However in my case it was NOT BY CHOICE. It was a combination of being shy and being thought of as unattractive/ugly, and a "weirdo" by my peers... My looks have improved and most people where I live now wouldn't think of me as a weirdo (although people in my hometown probably still would!), but I'm still very shy IRL as a result of the things that have happened to me, although I'm improving in that department as well.
Although I will say that the period of 6 years I went without sex was not for the above reason. I was involved with someone who had medical issues that caused ED, and even Viagra didn't help. Not only that but part of that time I was seriously ill myself and so there wasn't a whole lot I could do at that time.
Problem is, I really feel like I was cheated out of opportunities to have a good sex life, and want to make up for lost time before it is too late!
You're studied years of university level psychology, maybe? Sex is a basic and fundamental component of who we are, recognised by Freud and others who followed. And while many of Freud's theories are outdated, the basic thrust of what he was on about is still accepted. When we look at inviduals with severe mental health issues, often there are sexual issues that contribute. Think the sex life of Adolf Hitler for example, and how certain sexual problems contributed to his warped personality.
Healthy sexual expression is an essential element of psychological stability, and severe sexual frustration will almost always lead to major psychological issues.
The one thing we cannot generalise is what represents healthy sexual expression, because this varies so much. For me it's loving sex every couple of days, and some exciting sex every few weeks. Others are probably less sexually driven than me, and others are certainly even more sexual than I.
Do I have to be studied for many years in school to disagree with a psychologist? IS that what it takes now?
Psychology is a soft science. Just because a psychologist asserts something, doesn't mean it is true, and CERTAINLY does not mean it is true for all people. That is one of the first things taught in psych 101, and something many people that do not take psychology do not understand.
To bolster my argument, let me present the fact that the vast majority of people do not just fuck anything that moves. Why do you suppose this is?
I say, social acceptance is more important to people than sex.
Why do people break up? Sometimes freedom is more important. Some people need other things before they need sex.
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D_Petherick_Poundlouder
Experimental Member
When its good it is as great as the best movie of all time. However, in the end, it is still like a movie and thats how I value it. I value it as much as I do the greatest, most influencial movie in my life...which is why I'm on a forum on Star Wars, and a forum like this.
D_Petherick_Poundlouder
Experimental Member
Haha. No one would ever know looking at me, but thats exactly how I feel. But no one expects a black teenager to be a vegan either. So go NERDS!!! lol
I have this Revenge of the Nerds quote in my head too.
"That was wonderful. You did things to me you never did before."
"Jocks only think about sports. Nerds only think about sex."
But no one expects a black teenager to be a vegan either. So go NERDS!!! lolI have this Revenge of the Nerds quote in my head too.
"That was wonderful. You did things to me you never did before."
"Jocks only think about sports. Nerds only think about sex."
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D_Petherick_Poundlouder
Experimental Member
Absolutely not, but if you contradict a psychologist on one of the basic building blocks of personality disorders, then you need to have good research to back up your view. Psychology is not a soft science, it just cannot be isolated and measured the way 100ml of a liquid can be isolated and measured. That doesn't make psychology any less valid, however. If it wasn't a valid science, we would be still removing the clitoris of orgasmic women in order to cure 'hysteria', or performing lobotomies, or locking individuals with personality disorders in asylums without any form of theraputic treatment. We don't do those things anymore.
You say social acceptance is more important than sex, where is the evidence to back up this view? What studies? How were those studies undertaken? How big was the study? What form of control group was used in the study?
You are also misinterpreting sex with fucking, and they are two different things. I used the term sexual expression, which is what this thread is really about. Sex is expressed through certain behaviours, and interacts with cultural issues. In the American culture, there is a great emphasis on sexual restraint and sexual denial (one only has to look at the sexual restraint on some posts in this thread to see what I mean). In other developed countries we are less sexually restrained. In some parts of the world, especially in cultures not affected by Christianity, there is virtually no sexual restraint, and anyone can openly have sex with anyone else, regardless of if they are married or not. Nonetheless, major deviance from the cultural sexual norm will produce a state of cognitive dissonance that, if left untreated, could result in major psychological issues over time.
D_Selmus_Swallow
Account Disabled
Well, I'd like it to be more important, but since it looks to be about a year since I last got anything, and four years before that, and then two years before that...I'd say it's got to be less important than most.
Should be noted I'd like to have sex, but not with most of the people who seem to be offering it to me, and most of the ones I want are spoken for.
*sigh*
Should be noted I'd like to have sex, but not with most of the people who seem to be offering it to me, and most of the ones I want are spoken for.
*sigh*
Humans, as a race of beings, can survive without freedom, knowledge and 'social acceptance' longer than they can without sex. That's the context of the rankings, if I'm not mistaken.
I should have informed myself before writing; I'm guilty of one of my greatest pet peeves!!
Maslow's hierarchy of needs - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Anyways, I was wrong in that Maslow's hierarchy applies on an individual level. Maslow identifies ALL physiological needs as basic, and builds a psychological hierarchy upon them. It seems a "partial exception" is made to sex as a basic physiological need.
Maslow's hierarchy of needs - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Anyways, I was wrong in that Maslow's hierarchy applies on an individual level. Maslow identifies ALL physiological needs as basic, and builds a psychological hierarchy upon them. It seems a "partial exception" is made to sex as a basic physiological need.
goodwood
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sex is important enough in my life to seek it out at every possible opportunity.
when i am not in a relationship, sex is pleasant and hopefully enjoyable. when in
a relationship it is a critical component of the realtionship. sex is a healthy part of
and expression of someone you are with. when i am with someone i love, i want to have as much sex as is possible with her. when she is with me, the same is true.
great and frequent sex with a commited partner is necessary and a good thing.
when i am not in a relationship, sex is pleasant and hopefully enjoyable. when in
a relationship it is a critical component of the realtionship. sex is a healthy part of
and expression of someone you are with. when i am with someone i love, i want to have as much sex as is possible with her. when she is with me, the same is true.
great and frequent sex with a commited partner is necessary and a good thing.
whatireallywant
Sexy Member
The reason for that is that people CAN survive without sex (although they may not WANT to live any more without it! :biggrin1
, but they can't live without, say, food and water. That would explain the partial exception.Add to that the fact that people have different levels of need for even the basic physiological needs. Some people are hungrier and eat more than others (sometimes they need to, others don't "need to" but have a stronger hunger drive for whatever reason), and some people have higher sex drives than others. Some people need more clothing than others - and I don't mean by that they need to "shop until they drop". For example, back when I lived in Indiana I knew people who could wear short sleeve shirts and at most a light jacket even in the dead of winter, whereas I wore layer upon layer of clothes - thermal undies, long sleeve shirt, sweater and heavy coat over all that, and was STILL freezing! The flip side of that is that I can handle South Texas summers just fine.
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D_Petherick_Poundlouder
Experimental Member
I fucking love having sex. Im blessed with a husband that has as high a sex drive as mine.
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