How intimate or casual do you find kissing strangers?

[Nikserof]

Me and my bf have a healthy relationship. It’s my first serious relationship, and his first healthy long-term relationship. Although we feel the same way about most things, this is one on which we differ. For context, I’m an introvert and usually don’t get out and socialize much. He’s a total extrovert and loves being around people, gets invited to go out with friends, etc.

I find kissing and making out an intimate activity. Something that you do with someone you’re really genuinely attracted to, or someone you’re getting to know in order to move things further along sexually. Bf on the other hand sees it as a casual activity, something that is ok to do with strangers at a bar, even if there isn’t any genuine interest. It’s just a thing of the moment, especially if there have been a few drinks involved.

Regardless if it’s between straight or gay people, to me making out with strangers is something that either happens on a first date, if there is attraction and to get a feel of things, or if it happens casually at a bar, it is with the intention of leaving with that person and have things go further somewhere else.

My mind doesn’t compute the idea of how you get all up in someone’s face and mouth, rub tongues and exchange saliva, and then go “Kay, bye!” without the intention of taking it further. I guess the point of asking this is to gauge the opinion of a wider sample size to see if I’m in the minority that thinks this way, and to help determine if maybe I am too uptight about the whole scenario.

 

[bravesoldier]

As long as the guy has good oral hygiene I'm fine. But, there are so many out there who seem to have no idea what good oral hygiene really is. It's not that hard to achieve, but unfortunately many seem to think a quick 60 second encounter with a toothbrush and less than that with mouthwash is all it takes.

Not.

 

[sgtrock]

Kissing is so much more than just an intimate affair. I am an Italian American and most of my childhood there was some adult male or female who was kissing me although not on the lips. Living in Hawaii after getting out of the Marines it is the Polynesian culture to show outwardly signs of affections such as a hug or a kiss “Aloha”.

As to getting intimate with someone on a first date and then saying goodbye there has to be more to this than this. I mean I have enjoyed getting someone all hot and begging for more and then stopped abruptly only to hold them off until our next date with purpose.

Kissing is something I can do for a long time without any intentions of going any further I enjoy it. Don’t like kissing ashtrays so in today’s world where more and more don’t smoke it is a welcome sign of change. Would have to say good oral hygiene is important too.

Simple signs of affection with a stranger or someone you know such as a kiss on a cheek is nothing more than a wet handshake in my opinion but once you cross those lips it does seem to take it to another level for sure.

 

[zazazaottantanove]

Kissing is so much more than just an intimate affair. I am an Italian American and most of my childhood there was some adult male or female who was kissing me although not on the lips. Living in Hawaii after getting out of the Marines it is the Polynesian culture to show outwardly signs of affections such as a hug or a kiss “Aloha”.

As to getting intimate with someone on a first date and then saying goodbye there has to be more to this than this. I mean I have enjoyed getting someone all hot and begging for more and then stopped abruptly only to hold them off until our next date with purpose.

Kissing is something I can do for a long time without any intentions of going any further I enjoy it. Don’t like kissing ashtrays so in today’s world where more and more don’t smoke it is a welcome sign of change. Would have to say good oral hygiene is important too.

Simple signs of affection with a stranger or someone you know such as a kiss on a cheek is nothing more than a wet handshake in my opinion but once you cross those lips it does seem to take it to another level for sure.

In Latin American culture it's like this as well. Kisses on the cheeks between family members or friends are common. Kisses on the lips are considered a form of intimate affection reserved for couples.

 

[ohiorod]

To the OP, I have to agree with you. I would not expect my partner to engage in an activity as you described. This is a time where you have to decide, how much it bothers you. If it really bothers you, then the test is whether your bf is willing to give it up simply because you are deeply bothered by it. I am in a relationship of a couple years and I can say with certainty that if my partner was doing this and I asked him to stop, he would have no problems stopping. But to be honest, I just wouldn't be in a relationship with a guy who thought this was cool and that he was being respectful of our relationship. On the other hand, if this feels like you can live with it and you can accept the behavior, let him continue. But don't let jealousy fester. Good luck!

 

[halcyondays]

Cannot intimacy be casual? The two don't strike me as opposites.

IMO holding hands is more intimate especially when looking in eyes at the same time. Lip smashing happens with eyes closed.

For myself hand-holding is the gateway drug.

 

[Nikserof]

To the OP, I have to agree with you. I would not expect my partner to engage in an activity as you described. This is a time where you have to decide, how much it bothers you. If it really bothers you, then the test is whether your bf is willing to give it up simply because you are deeply bothered by it. I am in a relationship of a couple years and I can say with certainty that if my partner was doing this and I asked him to stop, he would have no problems stopping. But to be honest, I just wouldn't be in a relationship with a guy who thought this was cool and that he was being respectful of our relationship. On the other hand, if this feels like you can live with it and you can accept the behavior, let him continue. But don't let jealousy fester. Good luck!

Thanks for the insight. This is exactly what my bf and I discussed and he said he's willing to give up that behavior when we talked about it and he learned how I felt about it. Our relationship and my feelings are more important to him than a little fooling around at a bar. I still thought I would inquire here about it though, since apparently it is a common thing that happens at bars (him having more experience being out-and-about than I do), so i guess I was interested in finding out what other members here think about it.

 

[NakedBuddy]

I agree with OP - kissing a complete stranger is way too intimate fir me.

 

[Tight_End_SC]

Kissing mouth to mouth is something I reserve for people that I have feeling for. If I am just going for a 'get down in the sheets' type of situation (just sex), then kissing is nothing I am going to entertain. I will clarify, that when I speak of that, I mean kissing on the lips and slipping in some tongue action.

I will kiss the neck, nipples/pecs, or other body parts in the hookup type of scene. My thoughts on actually making out kissing type of stuff is certainly not going to happen unless we already have good chemistry between us.

 

[deleted15329811]

I've only kissed one guy and it was the guy I lost my virginity too in June of 2020. I wish I have better memories of that day, but it was a disaster. And the following months were not easy on me as i thought he gave me something! It is impossible to give yourself anything and from 2002-2020 it was just me and my hand. Turns out it was just a UTI and a cyst but enough to drive me off the deep end! I want to be able to throw caution to the wind I see it on tv movies read it in books but I dont know something in me just wont do it.

 

[lapdog2001]

Family and friends, kisses on the cheeks, as other have said.
I've also French kissed (made out) with the hope to progress to sex at some point, but especially in my earlier days of dating, I certainly wasn't expecting sex, and enjoying the kissing for what it is, great fun.

There have been a few hookups where I broached the subject of kissing, some women wanted to keep it to sexual intimacy only, and a few were okay with some light kissing. A long term FWB and never really kissed each other on the lips, but did use our mouths all over each other's bodies.

Could I meet a woman, and if we were both willing, have some tongue wrestling deep kisses with her? Yes, I'd think that would be fun. But there would have to be some kind of mutual attraction to start with.

 

[krazioso13]

just adding my two cents in here. in a sense to what OP feels, im in the same boat. my story is, my first true friend/boyfriend/relationship and first true sexual experiences(yea, all with one guy who unfortunately turned toxic) is what messed it up for me.

meaning, after dumping me, i was too naive and with no support system to help me break away from his selfish ways until it was too too late. i love love love kissing..yet, i haven't "felt" a kiss in over 10 years. that whole mess after fucked it up for me. No matter how into the hookup or i find the guy sexy, I just dont truly have the desire to lock lips.

Yes, I did do therapy and worked on the issue and made peace with it. Also, when im very buzzed or drunk, I'll kiss. I just dont feel anything, so to speak. I do it and apparently, im a damn good kisser.

So yea, kissing is truly important, intimate and special to me, so I understand where OP can be coming from.

 

[dreamer20]

I miss the days of my youth in Britain when I had fellow college students, co-workers, flatmates and friends to kiss. There was one elderly stranger who complimented me on my looks, smile and then asked to kiss me. I regret that I refused him, but that's over and done now. I'm happy enough to have kissed, or been kissed, as a sign of affection only. One individual taught me how to French kiss, which felt better to me on the receiving end of than in giving. I realized I was not interested in French kissing. I'd rather kiss the neck, lips and other parts of the body instead with a lover.

I've had companions who brought me to social gatherings of their friends, relatives & acquaintances who kissed when greeting or departing. Thus I did likewise. E.g. before departing a dinner party I kissed the host goodbye. He stated "You call that a kiss?" as my peck on the cheek kiss was a disappointment. I gave him a follow up French kiss to his satisfaction. Nowadays strangers who are attracted to me don't want to kiss my face. They want to be kissed below the belt instead.