How It Works

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by windtalkerways, Mar 4, 2006.

  1. windtalkerways

    Gold Member

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    This joke is not new but quite amusing...


    DEMOCRAT

    You have two cows.
    Your neighbour has none.
    You feel guilty for being successful.
    Barbara Streisand sings for you.

    The government creates a program
    whereby cows are provided to you
    and your neighbour at no cost.


    REPUBLICAN

    You have two cows.
    Your neighbour has none.
    So?

    Work hard and you can get as many
    cows as you want in America.


    SOCIALISM

    You have two cows.
    The government takes one and gives
    it to your neighbour. You form a
    co-operative to tell him how to manage
    his cow.



    COMMUNISM

    You have two cows.
    The government seizes both and provides
    you with milk.
    You wait in line for hours to get it.
    It is expensive and sour.


    CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

    You have two cows.
    You sell one, buy a bull and build
    a herd of cows.


    BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

    You have two cows.
    Under the new farm program the government
    pays you to shoot one, milk the other and
    then pours the milk down the drain.


    AMERICAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows.
    You sell one, lease it back to yourself
    and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
    You force the two cows to produce
    the milk of four cows. You are surprised
    when one cow drops dead. You spin an
    announcement to the analysts stating
    you have downsized and are reducing
    expenses.
    Your stock goes up.


    FRENCH CORPORATION

    You have two cows.
    You go on strike because you want
    three cows.
    You go to lunch and drink wine.
    Life is good.


    JAPANESE CORPORATION

    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are
    one-tenth the size of an ordinary
    cow and produce twenty times
    the milk.
    They learn to travel on unbelievably
    crowded trains.
    Most are at the top of their class
    at cow school.


    GERMAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows.
    You engineer them so they are all
    blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent
    quality milk, and run a hundred miles
    an hour.
    Unfortunately they also demand 13
    weeks of vacation per year.


    ITALIAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows but you don't know
    where they are.
    While ambling around looking for them,
    you see a beautiful woman.
    You both break for lunch. You drink wine.
    Life is good.


    RUSSIAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows.
    You have some vodka.
    You count them and learn you have
    five cows.
    You have some more vodka.
    You count them again and learn you
    have 42 cows.
    The Mafia shows up and takes over
    however many cows you really have.


    TALIBAN CORPORATION

    You have all the cows in Afghanistan,
    which are two.
    You don't milk them because you
    cannot touch any creature's private
    parts.
    You get a $40 million grant from the
    US government to find alternatives
    to milk production but use the money
    to buy weapons.


    IRAQI CORPORATION

    You have two cows.
    They go into hiding.
    They send the radio station tapes
    of their mooing.


    POLISH CORPORATION

    You have two bulls.
    Employees are regularly maimed and
    killed attempting to milk them.


    BELGIAN CORPORATION

    You have one cow.
    The cow is schizophrenic.
    Sometimes the cow thinks she's French,
    other times she's Flemish.
    The Flemish cow won't share with the
    French cow.
    The French cow wants control of the
    Flemish cow's milk.
    The cow asks permission to be cut
    in half.
    The cow dies happy.


    FLORIDA CORPORATION

    You have a black cow and a brown cow.
    Everyone votes for the best looking one.
    Some of the people who actually like the
    brown one best accidentally vote for the
    black one.
    Some people vote for both.
    Some people vote for neither.
    Some people can't figure out how to
    vote at all.
    Finally, a bunch of guys from
    out-of-state tell you which one you
    think is the best-looking cow.


    CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

    You have millions of cows.
    They make real California cheese.
    Only five speak English.
    Most are illegals.
    Arnold likes the ones with the big
    udders.
     
  2. EnglishGentleman

    EnglishGentleman New Member

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    And the Sci-Fi addendum to that joke is....

    X-FILES GREY ALIENS

    You have 2 cows
    One you dissect in a seemingly random manner
    One you implant an embryo in
    You beam the cows back to their field
    Milk is deadly poison to you


    JEDI FARM

    You have 2 cows
    One of them you practice your mind powers by hovering it over a swamp but drop it on Yoda's head - Practice need you, young padawan
    The other cow, after wrestling with your conscience you draw your light sabre and kill it
    It's milk was a little on the Dark Side


    KLINGON FARM

    You Have NO COWS
    Cows Have No Honour!
    Milk is not a warriors drink!
    Pass the bloodwine.
     
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