How Lame Is This? "The Bulge"

[prepstudinsc]

Being a mortician, I have seen a couple tattoed dicks while embalming. The funniest one was the one that had the three opening words from the gospel hymn "Love lifted me" in three small rows on the shaft of his penis like this:
Love
lifted
me

Needless to say, all of us at the funeral home were doubled over laughing when we saw that. I have also heard stories of people having their dicks tattooed with lollipops on them. I can't begin to imagine the pain involved, nor do I want to.

I saw a funny tattoo on a guy I embalmed a few months back...over one nipple, he had it emblazoned "Sweet" on his other nipple, it was marked "Sour". LOL

Obviously, being inked myself, I can't say anything, but when you come to my place of business, and you are lying on my table...I will snicker at some of the funny tats I see.

 

[B_RoysToy]

Funny, prepstudinsc. Reading your "Love Lifted Me" story reminded me of the one told years ago. A heavily hung dude had "see" inked on his flaccid. When the fucking tool hardened it read "Tennessee". i always wanted to meet him, he was probably a home town boy!

Luke

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

I've yet to get a tattoo, but still saving. Piercings, well my limit stopped in high school with an earring.

 

[mindseye]

Originally posted by RoysToy@Aug 31 2004, 07:05 PM
Funny, prepstudinsc. Reading your "Love Lifted Me" story reminded me of the one told years ago. A heavily hung dude had "see" inked on his flaccid. When the fucking tool hardened it read "Tennessee". i always wanted to meet him, he was probably a home town boy!

Luke

Did that really happen? 'Cause it reminds me of this joke:


Phil loved his girlfriend Wendy so much that he had her name tattooed on his penis. However, the guy was a 'grower', so when he was flaccid, all you could make out was "W#Y". The letters in the middle were all scrunched up, you see.

Eventually, Wendy agrees to marry him and they go on a Caribbean cruise for their honeymoon. They stop in Montego Bay for a day of shopping and sight-seeing. While there, Phil has to use a public restroom. And standing at the urinal, he sees a native who also has "W#Y" on his penis.

"I don't believe it -- your girlfriend's name is Wendy, too?" he asks.

"What you talking about, mon?" asks the native.

Phil points to the man's penis. "The tattoo you've got. I've got one just like it!"

The native laughs. "Why would you have a penis that reads, 'Welcome to Jamaica! Enjoy your stay!'"

 

[B_RoysToy]

Oh, hell, I've heard 'bout those Jamaicans being hung! Also, I've heard several dick tattoo jokes, mindseye, but yours is the best and, btw, stiffens out to the longest. I'm sorry to report the Tennessee dude of my joke 100% fictitious, as far as I know. This is just one of the many folk lores revealing the intense and pleasurable thoughts of the large phallus.

Luke

 

[13788]

ricky1771: I think there are more then just this product out there. I assume there is quite a few for the transgender people.

 

[ericbear]

Originally posted by ricky1771@Sep 4 2004, 09:22 PM
I assume there is quite a few for the transgender people.

I have a feeling the product isn't aimed at the transgendered. Most "average" men don't show much of a bulge, particularly if dressed conservatively, so I'm not sure this is something a trans would want.

I never really understood the whole crotch-stuffing thing. Many years ago, in a friend's dorm room in college, I remember reading some straight soft-porn magazine (probably penthouse or Playboy). There was an article on attracting the attention of (female) crotch-watchers. The author described how to roll up a sock, what kind of undies to wear, and how to position it all so it looked real and stayed in place. Of course, he did stress the need to somehow ditch the sock on the way to the bedroom. He assured his readers they shouldn't worry about what would actually happen when they got in bed, because "by then you will have a hard-on." He must have been a hell of a grower.


This reminds me of the old SNL skit by John Belushi, perhaps 20 years ago. He's having dinner with a date, and excuses himself to go to the men's room. While he's washing up after he pees, he sees another guy wash, then stuff two paper towels in his pants. The guy explains to Belushi that it's to impress his own date, so he's more likely to get lucky.

After the guy leaves, Belushi grabs a couple of towels and stuffs them. Then a few more. Then he breaks open the towel dispenser, and stuff the whole lot of them. Not satisfied, he looks around the mens room and sees a storage cabinet. Inside, he find shelves packed full of paper towels, canisters of cleanser, plungers, etc. He starts stuffing and stuffing.

In the next, and final, scene you see Belushi and his date leaving the restaurant. The expression on his face make it clear he is going to get some. He has this huge bulge, extending perhaps five feet in front of him. They get into the back of a cab, and drive off, with Belushi's bulge hanging out of the car window.

But, if SNL decided to lampoon crotch-stuffing, I guess a lot of men must do it!

 

[13788]

SunnyBunny:

Originally posted by KinkGuy@Aug 10 2004, 12:07 AM
KinkGuy busily getting out credit card to order new ass.

Heehee!
It's sad that our nation revolves around beauty and outward appearances instead of the beauty within and intelligence.
(Beauty within pants too&#33;^_^)<-----Hippocryte
This rhyme is funny. http://www.empoweredproducts.com/product_one.php?id=3

 

[jonb]

Hey, I once got a spam for a penis enlargement product which said it would increase it by "one . . . two . . . three". What? Pubic hairs?

 

[Scott537]

How many of us have genital piercings? I have ONE piercing (a Prince Albert a/k/a PA )and have had it for several years. Te ring is 4 guage and 3/4 " in diameter. Wife never wants it removed as it get to places a plain old dick can&#39;t&#33;&#33; Sex really improved after it healed and the looks alone get her horny. Who else has a genital piercing or more?

 

[hungthick]

Well that is another attribute i didnt realize people wanted, bulges and bubble butts.

years ago when i had a personal trainer she said to me that i had a bubble butt and i viamently denied it. i was so insulted by that comment. i didnt realize a bubble butt was a &#39;great&#39; thing to possess. Of course, i have heard it later on and i have learned to accept it, but i always liked the flat butts probably because i dont have one.

i have no tats but sometimes i tell guys/girls i do but they have to find them on me.
:blink: :blink:

 

[lellelind]

A few years ago I saw the original "Bulge" on the Internet. It was designed to wear in speedos at the beach, to make a more estethic bulge. It was not designed to make the bulge bigger or to to make the penis look bigger.

Too bad the "Bulge" is cut :angry:

 

[D_Humper E Bogart]

You don&#39;t need anything like that&#33; I mean, you&#39;re bigger than their maximum size, surely?

Hungthick, do you remember when it was bad for a woman to have a big butt?

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

Originally posted by lellelind@Sep 12 2004, 07:57 PM
A few years ago I saw the original "Bulge" on the Internet. It was designed to wear in speedos at the beach, to make a more estethic bulge. It was not designed to make the bulge bigger or to to make the penis look bigger.

Too bad the "Bulge" is cut :angry:

[post=255788]Quoted post[/post]​

The custom design is really tailored for what the manufactures consider/perceive as "hung" if you will to produce an aesthetic look.

Really a shame they can&#39;t see beyond the scope of what large used in the past, and what is in the present.

 

[hungthick]

yes orcabomber i remember when it was not a good thing for a woman to have a big butt, but i think Sir Mixalot changed all of that with his song &#39;i like big butts.&#39;

 

[13788]

agilley007: That will probally be a popular product.

 

[B_hung13.5X8]

I think it&#39;s just as "Lame" as women wearing padded bras.