How long does a woman wait to date after the death of her husband

bob3780

Sexy Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Oct 24, 2004
Posts
216
Media
0
Likes
94
Points
498
Location
South Milwaukee (Wisconsin, United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I know this woman that I have been with with many years ago (many many times) and I have know here for 42+ years and last August her husband died. How long does a woman wait to date after the death of her husband? I would like to see here again.
Any advice will be appreciated.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Wannabee
D

deleted848353

Guest
She will be ready when she's ready, I wouldn't think less then a year especially if she was married for 30 or 40+ years, don't push her to be ready
 
  • Like
Reactions: lapdog2001

MisterB

Worshipped Member
Staff
Moderator
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
May 11, 2012
Posts
5,246
Media
0
Likes
18,305
Points
558
Location
Arlington, VA, USA
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Not much to go on here, but I will assume you've been in contact to express your condolences? If not, start there. And if you have, good job!

Because you do have a history with her, she may be receptive to you following up and checking in with her to see how she's doing. Ask her how she's doing. And take cues from that conversation.

But please take it slow. She'll remember you if you spent a lot of time prior together. Be respectful. Listen. And see where it goes. If she's interested in something else, she'll let you know.

Good luck! :)
 

palakaorion

Superior Member
Joined
Feb 20, 2010
Posts
1,766
Media
0
Likes
3,099
Points
268
Location
Dallas (Texas, United States)
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
Based on some extremely limited sampling, plus the time I spent helping facilitate a grief recovery group, I'd say it varies widely. If you want some math, a rule of thumb is to wait at least one year for each 10 years they were married.

Just be her friend, and let her talk about whatever she needs to talk about. If it's her late husband, okay. If it's her wanting to start dating again, okay.

One tiny piece of advice: you need to figure out if you're competing with a ghost, whether in her mind or yours.
 

EllieP

Worshipped Member
Gold
Joined
Sep 21, 2009
Posts
9,957
Media
4
Likes
22,261
Points
318
Location
USA
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
One of my sweetest friends met his next soulmate less than a year after his wife of 20 years passed away unexpectedly. The woman he met had been widowed a year earlier. They were married a two years later and still going strong after 15 years.

My old boss lost her husband and didn't date for five years. She never remarried but continues to date in her 60s.

And there's another fellow in town who was widowed probably ten years ago. He swears he's never going to remarry, but he has an interesting mission. He finds widows and invites them to coffee. No ulterior motive. He urges them to speak about their husbands. He asks about their favorite things and what they liked to do together.

He tells me that the women are so relieved to actually be able to talk about their lost loves because everyone seems to be so afraid to bring it up thinking they'll open old wounds. But he makes them, and they just go on and on, which I think is wonderful.

He says he gets to experience true love hearing them speak. But every once in a while he runs across something completely different. That woman finds out something about her deceased husband that was kept hidden. Maybe another woman, maybe another lifestyle.

I asked if he let them go on and on, too, and he said he does, but there are limits. Like when he sees them getting angrier and angrier just venting.

I think he studied to be a priest, and he probably would have made a good one knowing how compassionate he is.

Sorry, got sidetracked from the original question, but I don't think there's a set amount of time for anything.

Good luck!
 

LaFemme

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Posts
41,930
Media
2
Likes
39,305
Points
743
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
It depends completely on the woman. Some women do not want to live independently after their spouse dies. My dad’s girlfriend was like that. She had been happily married for almost 40 years, and wanted to be in another relationship. I think she and my dad got together almost 5 years after her husband died.

Other women are not interested at all in another relationship. I have several friends who have vowed that after their spouse goes, they would never seek out another relationship. They want to be independent, not interdependent.

Idont think there’s any harm in emailing this woman, and being her friend. As far as anything more romantic? Take your time. It may or may not happen.
 
  • Like
Reactions: lapdog2001

MickeyLee

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Posts
34,556
Media
8
Likes
50,200
Points
618
Location
neverhood
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
If you are able to be her friend without expectations there is no harm in contacting her, with follow ups being appropriate to her wishes and response.

But you have to be aware of and accepting that the relationship might never extend beyond two old friends getting reacquainted.

I am tend my boundaries like a garden. So, mileage varies.
 

Oldcowboy

Legendary Member
Joined
Feb 15, 2022
Posts
673
Media
0
Likes
1,536
Points
138
Location
Montana, United States of America
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
I told my significant other I thought it'd be tacky to pick somebody up at the funeral.

The lunch afterwards? Fair Game!

I'm pretty much serious. Could not imagine a better partner . One second pining for me is wasted---- does neither of us any good. Life is short, it goes on-- go for it!
 

Scarletbegonia

Worshipped Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
May 2, 2013
Posts
8,335
Media
26
Likes
23,701
Points
508
Location
Purgatory (Maine, United States)
Sexuality
Asexual
Gender
Female
I’m appalled that you are reaching out *with the express reason of dating*.
Check yourself, here.
You haven’t indicated that you expressed condolences, haven’t mention sudden or lingering. I’m can’t figure out if you are in the same locality, as you ask about email.

if you, having a past with this woman, cannot figure out how to communicate with her, I’m thinking you have not been in contact while she was married, and now, widowed, you seem to see her as “on the market* or *fair game.*
 

seventiesdemon

Superior Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
May 25, 2019
Posts
5,048
Media
7
Likes
5,755
Points
383
Location
Australia
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
It's probably just me. But, I have a thing where I attract people who need. Needy people.

My fault I suppose, because I have depths to which it just goes....one of those people I reckon that observes all around them, and soaks it all up for the next time around.

Yep, can give all the advice in the world of what not to do....to do...blaah blah..Like Willy Wonka...nooo don't do it :)....feel so old sometimes, yet so young :) Probably why I sound off the planet at times.

Just me. :) If only I was able to take my own advice..................then, fuck everything else :)

Yes, dating. If you were blind, deaf and dumb. Have a nice arse, lips for kissing . all will be well :)
 
Last edited:

HorseHung40's

Worshipped Member
Joined
Aug 24, 2008
Posts
3,094
Media
0
Likes
21,646
Points
518
Location
Holland (Michigan, United States)
Sexuality
60% Gay, 40% Straight
Gender
Male
There are those, who choose to wait a specified length of time, such as a year, so that they can process their grief. Others wait longer. Some move on quickly. Each has her reasons.

Don't judge. Be supportive. You don't know what went on in a marriage behind closed doors.
 

Markyoung873

Cherished Member
Joined
Jun 20, 2022
Posts
276
Media
1
Likes
410
Points
83
Location
Wandsworth, England,United Kingdom
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
I know this woman that I have been with with many years ago (many many times) and I have know here for 42+ years and last August her husband died. How long does a woman wait to date after the death of her husband? I would like to see here again.
Any advice will be appreciated.
Dude,

I’m presuming your a gentleman and you’ve offered your condolences…

Then tip your cap and wait…. As we always have to… she’ll let you know when she’s ready.
 

marriedasian

Legendary Member
Joined
Sep 2, 2008
Posts
1,585
Media
1
Likes
2,054
Points
343
Location
Wisconsin (United States)
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
best guarantee is to find out if she's dating now. if so, then slot yourself back in, if not, then it's probably not time yet or ever. everyone is different, both men and women. losing a life partner is not something you get over easily nor move away from.

any reason why this woman in particular? with so many women out there, i would like to think there are less complicated options.
 

dhbike

Sexy Member
Joined
Oct 22, 2022
Posts
28
Media
0
Likes
34
Points
23
Location
California, United States of America
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
After ending a long term relationship I got a call from an old friend and coworker from 30 years past. She told me she had been care taking her husband for 10 years and that he was now in an end of life hospital. We began a loving relationship. We met with a lot of disapproval from her family that continues from some although her husband soon passed. We are compatible in values, likes, spirituality even food. Sex for sure. We both feel fortunate and blessed the we can be together. BTW, we are both hikers ( we did this 30 years ago). It's wonderful when you starting together that we just clicked and every day just keeps getting better.
 

Snarky_succubus

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Feb 8, 2013
Posts
959
Media
349
Likes
2,874
Points
488
Location
Atlanta, Georgia, US
Verification
View
Sexuality
Pansexual
Gender
Female
I lost my husband about 3 months ago. I don’t know if I’ll ever date again. That being said… I still have physical needs that I’m considering starting to address. Just talk to her. What I can promise you is… she needs to feel safe or it’s not gonna happen. Whatever you do… don’t pressure her. Everything is too much to handle when you’ve just lost the love of your life. Everything relating to other men is intimidating and feels foreign. Just be kind. Listen. Make sure she doesn’t feel like you have some big expectation because she simply may not be capable of dealing with that.