How long does it take to get over a breakup?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by GI SUPRISE, Nov 28, 2007.

  1. GI SUPRISE

    GI SUPRISE New Member

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    So my boyfriend told me he was cheating on me in mid september. He said he wanted an open relationship. I immediately broke things off because I believe in monogomy and couldn't handle the betrayal.

    That being said however, it is now almost December and I still can't get him out of my head. I think about him all day long. We have spoken on and off but haven't for the past 2 weeks. We were together for 1.5 years.

    I don't know how much more of the anger and the missing and the overall sense of loss I can take.

    This has been one of the darkest times in my life. IS there any light at the end of the tunnel?
     
  2. green carnation

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    Oh dear GI Suprise, Of course everyone will tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel and it sounds cliche, but there is. What has happened in your case (I am presuming, as it is very similar to my last failed relationship) is that you didn't fall out of love with your man, your life together was cut short. This is why you have diffiiculty forgetting him, love takes a long time to die and you probably still love him. This does not mean you want to be in a relationship with him again. They are two very different things and time does remind us why we dont want to be in that relationship, and our love does fade eventually. It is confusing though, but you have to remind yourself why you dont want to be with him anymore and it is quite natural that you still have feelings for him-but dont act on them. It took me 6-8 months to get over it and it helped me to cease all communication for a while- to clear my head and feel strong in my decision-some people can be very manipulative to get you back, because they want their cake and to eat it of course.

    So, how long it takes to get over will vary, but why it will take you longer could be because it was a decision forced on you by his actions and not by your feelings and your feelings naturally persist (and will be fading). Stick to your guns girl (if this is what you believe in) and good luck. Dont be impatient and also believe in and trust men again (and again and again!) One day soon you will realise how you are much better off without him and you will even start seeing other things that weren't working in your relationship and thank your lucky stars (I hope)
     
  3. davidjh7

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    I'm sorry, guy. Getting over someone is never easy, especially when there was real time involved, and really deep emotion involved. I lost my lover when he left me, after 7 years, and that was well over a year ago, and I still have the same feelings you are having. Ultimately, I've found, you don;t really truly get over someone you loved, until someone comes and fills the need for the love and affection that got you in a relationship in the first place. The best advice I can give you, is to NOT disconnect yourself from the rest of humanity. Be with friends, be with people, socialize, improve your chances of meeting someone new. They won;t have the same piece of your heart you gave to your ex, but they can be as important and love you, and be loved by you as much. Time and distance are the only things that let the pain subside, as joiboi mentioned. How much time and distance depends totally on you. But if you isolate yourself because you miss him and are feeling sad, then the amount of time it takes is much longer. Hang in there, you will get through it--there IS light. I am going to close with a link to two websites---youtube, with a song that fits, and the other the link to the lyrics. I think it is something you can identify with.:smile:

    YouTube - Christopher Cross Words Of Wisdom Live 1998

    CHRISTOPHER CROSS Lyrics - WORDS OF WISDOM
     
  4. Linda Sue

    Linda Sue New Member

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    I recommend a hot grudge fuck, or maybe an affair with a woman. I have done both to get over heartbreak. Two things I won't do is stay alone and listen to sad music.
     
  5. bottombuddy

    bottombuddy Member

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    good luck to you....keep your chin up.

    we trully never forget the ones weve loved but we can move on with a little piece of our hearts missing.

    if youve read any of my posts you will see my partner left after 14 years with no reason given and although still in touch now and again im not allowed to discuss or he will cut the call short......guess ive to figure the reasons out myself before i find closure......i allow myself to keep in touch hoping one day he will discuss with me the reasons why he had to leave me and the manner he done so.

    i will eventually find someone (hopefully from lpsg) but would begin as friends first and let them steal my heart before beginning a truly meaningful relationship.
     
  6. ShowOff

    ShowOff Member

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    why do you think its a guy?
     
  7. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    In my experience, somewhere between 3 seconds and a lifetime. Depends on you and depends on the relationship.
     
  8. goodwood

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    GI - very sorry to hear of what happened and sorry you are having such a difficult time with this. Joiboi and the others make a good point. Really, time, distance and no contact with the other person will help.
    Even though you ended it, it is still heartbreaking for you because you were in love with this person and had planned on being with him for the foreseeable future.
    After I called off my wedding it was very difficult for me since I had planned on spending a lifetime with her. She kept trying to be in touch and text and I just ended up having to block her since anything she had to say was toxic.
    I immediately went out every weekend on a six week hook-up sex binge. But that got old and was not the person I wanted to be. So I had to go over the relationship and remind myself that I did everything I could possibly do for her and she rejected that. I remnded myself of everything and every way she behaved badly. I talked wtih friends about it who encouraged me that I had made the right decision in ending.
    I am vertain you made the right decision and good for you that you value monogomy and you know what you need in a partner and insist on having decent standards. Someone out there will also share those thoughts and wil be very happy to have you. In the meantime, you hang in there.
     
  9. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    They say 2 weeks for every month you were together.
     
  10. findfirefox

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    Who is "they"?
     
  11. sdbg

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    This is one of the saddest stories that I've read. What a bastard this guy is after 14 years to not have the decency to be honest with you. I wish that I could bitch slap him for you!

    I was crazy about my first BF of 6 years and was devastated when his mother told me that he was getting married (to some bimbo he knocked up on the first date). He got married, had 3 kids, got divorced, and then found me years later. After 7 years, we hooked up again. He got off, but I couldn't get it up for him. That's when I realized that emotionally I moved on and was over him. 30 years later, we're still friends, but I'd never want to be his BF again.
     
  12. 10ner

    10ner New Member

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    Yep take the advice above DO NOT disconnect Alaso be careful not to get hooked up in a 'rebound fuck' or relationship Give yourself time mto neal
     
  13. sdbg

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    Hey GI: Yes, it will get better - the question is how long will it take? I fell for one of my straight (?) friends back in the early '90s who I thought for sure was a closet case. I have never been so intensly physically attracted to another human being. At 40 years old, I'd get boners all the time when I was with him, yet had to keep them hidden becuase he was a homophobic rugby player. We've kept in touch through all the years, and even though I've acted only as a friend, I really loved the guy something fierce. When I saw Brokeback Mountain, it gave me the guts to be honest with him. Last summer I went to visit and told him the truth about what was really going on when he lived here. We had a great time together and I thought that everything was cool. It felt such a relief to get all that heavy shit off my chest. After I returned home, he didn't answer my e-mail. I tried again a few days later. I knew that something was up. 2 weeks later, he sent me a "Dear John" e-mail and shined me on. Oh well. At least I won't take it to the grave.

    We have to be our own best friends and be honest with ourselves when we see that the person that we love doesn't value us enough. Blinded by love, yes, it happens every day. That's why it's so painful when the rose colored glasses are removed.
     
  14. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    In my experience, some people you never get over, you just move on. But for the majority of relationships, it is a combination of time (1 day to 1 year) and new experiences that ease them from your mind.

    Hopefully in a year you'll look back and be thankful that the relationship ended because you have so many new opportunities.
     
  15. Mr. Snakey

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    It depends. Sometimes not long at all. Sometimes it takes a long time. Sometimes a person never gets over a breakup.
     
  16. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Goodness knows where I remember anything from.
     
  17. GI SUPRISE

    GI SUPRISE New Member

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    I thank all of you. It's random support like this from complete strangers that helps tremendously. GOSH THIS IS SO HARD THOUGH!!!

    Thanks again!!!
     
  18. goodwood

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    GI - you will be the better for it. You hang in there.
     
  19. istanbul39

    istanbul39 New Member

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    I hope thats not true...I just ended a 5 year relationship with a great woman....hasnt even been 2 months yet and I feel the same. Looking for light at the end of the tunnel here too...
     
  20. 36DD

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    I'm still looking for that light and I've been looking for too long.
     
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