How long into a relationship do you suggest having a threesome?

[henry777]

It is my perception that gay guys in relationships are more willing to engage in a threesome than a straight couple. My question is how long in the relationship do you bring the T word in? I'm asking both gay/bi/straight guys.

I've had an experience where I was on a first date with a guy and I brought up the topic casually. He was so adamant about being monogamous. It was too bad because he was smoking hot! Personally I wouldn't want to go into a relationship with exploring with a third. I would want to start relationship with monogamy but then down the road, say a year or two have fun with a third. In Dan Savage's word, 'monogamish'.

 

[KennF]

Well, you've stated your desire, and it is completely fair to bring it up once you are 'in' a relationship. On a first date? Probably not the best thing. First dates are first impressions and the message you're sending is... I like you but you're not enough for me. No one wants to think that on a first date.

Once you are 'dating' or seeing each other steady, then the subject of desires and expectations starts to enter the conversation.

If you are adamant that it is a deal breaking requirement that they be willing to partake in a threesome in order to be your boyfriend, then on the first date when talking about previous relationships, you should say something like "I've had a few threesomes. They were good." and gauge their reaction. You'll get a lot fewer second dates, but at least you won't be wasting your time getting emotionally over-invested.

I would like to mention that you might want to re-consider that being an absolute requirement. Look at why it is a necessity to you.

They can be fun and all, but it isn't an item most people's look for in a 'relationship'.

 

[captainwhackit]

It is my perception that gay guys in relationships are more willing to engage in a threesome than a straight couple. My question is how long in the relationship do you bring the T word in? I'm asking both gay/bi/straight guys.

How long is a piece of string?
No relationship is a benchmark against which all others should be measured, individuals in a union of whatever kind can make up their own minds about when or if they should do anything.
You may as well be asking what time you should sit down for dinner, no one else can tell you these things, in my opinion.

 

[Florida Boy]

It is my perception that gay guys in relationships are more willing to engage in a threesome than a straight couple. My question is how long in the relationship do you bring the T word in? I'm asking both gay/bi/straight guys.

I've had an experience where I was on a first date with a guy and I brought up the topic casually. He was so adamant about being monogamous. It was too bad because he was smoking hot! Personally I wouldn't want to go into a relationship with exploring with a third. I would want to start relationship with monogamy but then down the road, say a year or two have fun with a third. In Dan Savage's word, 'monogamish'.

I would personally suggest, "Never."

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Retrospectively speaking- you tend to bring up a threesome right about at the Tail End of a relationship.

 

[henry777]

Haha ok sounds like it's not a good idea.

 

[BigDikkedGuy]

Haha ok sounds like it's not a good idea.

I second that

 

[keenobserver]

Retrospectively speaking- you tend to bring up a threesome right about at the Tail End of a relationship.

LOL, you took the words right out of my mouth.

 

[ronin001]

In my experience if you ask a woman for a 3 way unless it is your birthday / anniversary, is a good way to start a fight. Or it can be a tool to end a relationship you want out of. If she says no, you can break up. If she says yes you smile, enjoy the 3 way and break up later

 

[longwideride]

Had a GF who brought up three ways twice, once because a friend of hers (female) thought an MFF would be fun and pressed it because my GF had told her how big I was. Earlier, I'd had other women want to 'try me on' when they had heard other women I had had sex with talk about me. As much as I would have liked the sex, I turned most of it down.

The other time the GF told me she'd like to try the dynamics of two men in bed with her. I told her fine, so go find two other men and we broke up. I haven't had sex with another man, and that's what an MMF threesome sounded like to me.

I'm not jealous, but when I found out she'd had sex with someone else while we were together and didn't tell me, I didn't like it that she wasn't honest with me. For one thing, I had no idea how many sexual partners the guy had had, what his HIV, HPV or herpes status was. I never did have sex with another woman while I was with her.

I love good sex, I like and need a lot of it, and I love to give a woman sexual pleasure, but I want it one-on-one and one-at-a-time. I don't have a 'reason' not to do a threesome, I just don't want to do it--if you do, fine.

 

[tncentaur]

I was absolutely put off by the one threeway I participated in, and left the other two still engaged. I'm just not into tribal sex...

 

[AlteredEgo]

I try to live naturally. If it comes up at all, it comes up when it comes up. In most of my relationships, even the casual ones, it never came up. In one, we had MFF and FMF threesomes, swapped partners with other couples, and had sex with or near other couples quite often for about two years. The exhibitionistic sex was nearly immediately, and the swinging started a few months in. But, that was a casual relationship, even though our feelings were intense, and it was never meant to last. It's something my dude and I have talked about possibly trying together in the future, but we wouldn't do anything that might cause tension or drama right now. Honestly, due to several temporary factors, if I saw him in intimate contact with anyone else right now, I'd probably want to do something violent. So. Possibly in the future, out of the question right now.

 

[bi_todd]

I view this topic from a different perspective. I am in a relationship (of sorts) with a guy I met during a group sex encounter.

We have a strong connection and the sex is simply mindblowing - the best of my life - I never knew it could be this good.

But there is nothing exclusive about us - other partners are a given. Now that I feel an emotional attachment, I would perhaps prefer not sharing him with others, but given how we first met it's hard for me to protest too much about that.

So, I guess my advice would be to not bring up the idea at the beginning of the relationship unless you really want that to be the accepted norm on which you operate.

 

[ThatFellaUK]

I agree about not bringing it up on the first date, and yeah, organically would be the ideal way.

But, part of a new relationship is getting to know eachother physically and sexually. In those early stages I tend to bring up a conversation about what turns my partner on, fantasies they have and what I can do with them... I mean, isn't this common?

And also, you know, half the damn fun?!?!?

If they've taken you on as their partner then at least trust and respect them enough to know that they will at the very least, hear you out. (After all, if your partner came to you and said, "hey babe, I have this kind of fantasy... its a bit embarrassing...' or whatever, wouldn't you hear them out?) And if they don't. What the hell are you doing with them in the first place?

 

[EquusAZ]

Depends on the partner. Period. How good are you at reading signs? That's the point. You - no matter what YOUR desired - you're ready. You're asking the question - so the big question is - when someone else? Dunno - did you ASK them? lol.

 

[kunal00]

It definitely won't be a couple of months..maybe 6 months into dating

 

[StillSmall]

So much depends on your and your partner's background and what you're looking for in an ideal relationship. If you came of age in the 70s, you may be more open to non-monogamous relationships. If you're gay and came of age during that time, non-monogamy is almost a given. In most of straight society, and in some generations of gay people, monogamy is usually the starting point, and so folks tend to hint at the subject before coming right out and suggesting it. As for myself and my husband of 29 years, our third date was a five-way with a two good friends (they still are) and a cute guy we picked up at a museum. ;-)

 

[deleted973884]

That decision is a very personal one. Depends so much on the other person. As for me I think the fantasy of being in a 3-way with my wife would be far more thrilling to hold onto than the memory of actually doing it. What I believe it will be like would not even come close to actually doing it. I know my relationship with my wife and it would change things. And not for the better. It can be done, many are doing it but be careful. You might just end up losing everything you really wanted.

 

[gabed181]

Straight here so whatever. You don't have threesomes in relationships, you have them with FWBs. I've done both and relationships is always emotionally messy. NSA has never been a problem--all have fun.

The only thing that has worked w me in a relationship is gf watching me get head from a girl. Sex and you're gonna have problems. Good luck. Collect those NSAs.