How long should you wait before having sex?

rtg

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So i met this amazing guy and we are really into eachother...only known him for not even a week n it feels like ive known him for ages we get along so well.

Weve had sleepovers already but no sex cos i said i dont wanna rush things...hes cool with it n very respectful n says he doesnt wanna fuck it up by having sex too early either...and that hes just gonna go at whatever pace im comfortable with.

So...how long should i wait? 2 weeks? Is that too soon even?
 
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It's right when it feels right. Do not place any pressure on yourself rtg, or him. Your post comes across as a little anxious ( ie: the short text chat :) ) Enjoy the moments getting to know one another. He may be just as anxious to hop into your pants, yet some of the best moments are those of anticipation. It works most times, rarely it does not. Usually the slower the movements working up toward sex, leads to slow, very erotic and sensual sex. Sounds like you both are on an even footing, which is a good start.
 

rtg

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It's right when it feels right. Do not place any pressure on yourself rtg, or him. Your post comes across as a little anxious ( ie: the short text chat :) )

What does this mean?

And thanks to you both for your comments :)
 
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Because I have never noticed you to cut your wording short before. And to n, moving from one reason to another quickly. It seems a little subliminal in a way, it portrays a little over eagerness to me that you wish things would move a little more quickly toward intercourse and that if it doesn't you would be questioning yourself why. Perhaps I am wrong in my assumption. If I am, just ignore my post rtg. :)

Time to go to bed. Behave Northener, hope all the rain is not affecting you too much :)
 
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Hah that reminds me something from my favorite show Friends:

Rachel: If a guy just broke up with his girlfriend, how long do you think is an appropriate time to wait before you... make a move?
Phoebe: I'd say about, a month.
Monica: Really? I'd say three or four.
Joey: Half hour.
Rachel: Interesting.

(Friends: Season 7, Episode 8. The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs (23 Nov. 2000))

Alright well since that wasn't perfectly relevant, my opinion is that the time it takes for me to have sex with someone while in a relationship doesn't change my attitude towards the relationship. Although, I can't speak for everyone I guess.
 
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tgirlsrgreat

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So i met this amazing guy and we are really into eachother...only known him for not even a week n it feels like ive known him for ages we get along so well.

Weve had sleepovers already but no sex cos i said i dont wanna rush things...hes cool with it n very respectful n says he doesnt wanna fuck it up by having sex too early either...and that hes just gonna go at whatever pace im comfortable with.

So...how long should i wait? 2 weeks? Is that too soon even?
not to soon, if you are comfortable with each other and it sounds like you are, go for it! why wait?
 

rtg

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Because I have never noticed you to cut your wording short before. And to n, moving from one reason to another quickly. It seems a little subliminal in a way, it portrays a little over eagerness to me that you wish things would move a little more quickly toward intercourse and that if it doesn't you would be questioning yourself why. Perhaps I am wrong in my assumption. If I am, just ignore my post rtg. :)

Time to go to bed. Behave Northener, hope all the rain is not affecting you too much :)

Um its because i actually am using my phone which i use a lot on here when im at work or dont have access to a computer. Anyone who i regularly pm can verify this.

And for the second part of your comment, im used to guys pressuring me into sex and having sex before im ready. I know its stupid but after being a hurt a lot id do it cos i was scared theyd get bored of me n leave. But i dont want to do that this time. I think this guy actually is decent...which is why i dont wanna stuff it up by having sex too early so that it might just become about sex.
 
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TDurden1979

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No set time limit on this one at all. There's no magic rule to follow. Instincts and intuition are best to follow in this part of a blossoming relationship. If I absolutely had to put a time limit on it I'd say 3 weeks or 6-7 dates, whichever came first(on the assumption that the chemistry is there, and it clearly seems to be). Patience is a virtue, especially in the face of hormonal adversity!
 

VerpaIngens

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You should not wait. I think it's a myth that you can screw things up by having sex too soon. There are two possible scenarios when you have sex with a man.
1. He likes you, and it doesn't matter when you sleep with him, he will stick around.
2. He only wants to get into your pants. He will not stick around, but at least you will have had sex (which is fun)...

So the only question is: Do you want it?
If you only want to do it with a man that wants to stay with you. You should ask yourself this. "We haven't had sex yet, so could he still be doing this just for pussy?"

I truly believe women tend to overthink things like this more than men. You don't want to overthink things too often or you could turn into a cynical, calculating person
 

pplwatching

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im used to guys pressuring me into sex and having sex before im ready. I know its stupid but after being a hurt a lot id do it cos i was scared theyd get bored of me n leave. But i dont want to do that this time. I think this guy actually is decent...which is why i dont wanna stuff it up by having sex too early so that it might just become about sex.

In my experience it's not as important to mark off days on the calendar as it is to have some idea of what qualities you are looking for both in a man and in a relationship. In my experience, when a relationship becomes sexual "before it's time" what usually happens is that lovers become over invested in a relationship that doesn't have a great foundation or isn't a good match in the first place. That makes it harder to let go, and winds up with hurt feelings.

Can you look at your previous romantic and sexual relationships and find anything specific that you think made you feel pressured or uncomfortable? What were the things that you think were a good sign that you were ready to take it to the next level, by which I mean to add sex to the relationship? What are your goals? What do you want from a relationship?

For example, one good sign that a relationship isn't ready for sex is a lack of good communication. By that I mean discussions deeper than what's on TV tonight or your favorite youtube videos. He should also show clearly that he respects you as a person. That can be anything from the common courtesy of a phone call instead of a text, to showing an interest in the things that you feel are important. If your goals are a long term relationship, he should be doing things that clearly align with that goal.

If you are thinking along the lines that a relationship should even have some kind of marriage potential, then you should be asking questions more along the lines of "life goals" and plans. That's not to say that he needs to propose before you sleep with him, but you should be thinking "you know if this works out I could see myself with this guy." It might not work out, but at least you'll be starting something deeper with someone you have a good feeling about.

And lastly, not everyone can have sex and not develop feelings. I am one of those people. Sex for me, before marriage, was never "just a fuck". I would never have been able to do a FWB thing because sex for me creates emotional intimacy, and if the other person isn't interested in that then it would have been a disaster in the making. I genuinely liked all of my sexual partners, respected them, and wanted to be emotionally intimate with them as well as physically.

When you discover that nothing is missing from the puzzle, then you'll know that the time is right.

All the best!
 
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D_Yura_T_Watt

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I think it should be lost in the moment. Like when you just have that amazing gaze into each other's eyes while laughing together. But always be patient and don't rush things. Instant gratification is the devil's tool. The sex will be empowering if you both really feel the same way about each other. Just always use protection and it will be wonderful. :)
 

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If he slept over and nothing happened he's shown that he's not a horn dog just looking for sex. He slept over more than once and pulled no shit, was cool and respectful, didn't guilt you into "just touching it". I'd say no need to keep waiting. It's safe to break the dude off a piece.
 

D_Ida_Ho

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I'd say to wait about 2 and a half months or maybe more. You've only just met him a week ago, so a month to see if he's batshit, another to see if he puts you in the "just cock tease" category and maybe days/weeks after that just to be sure.

If you do wait, i recommend you invest in some sex toys as if the both of you make about a month or so in and crap hasn't hit the fan, you'll be massively horny.
 

VerpaIngens

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I'd say to wait about 2 and a half months or maybe more. You've only just met him a week ago, so a month to see if he's batshit, another to see if he puts you in the "just cock tease" category and maybe days/weeks after that just to be sure.

If you do wait, i recommend you invest in some sex toys as if the both of you make about a month or so in and crap hasn't hit the fan, you'll be massively horny.

I'm surprised about how different all the comments in this thread are. But this one surprises me the most. I thought we have had a sexual revolution, I thought we have had feminism. I'm sure even victorians did not wait two months.

And I'm actually opposed to it as well. Usually I would say that you can never wait too long. But if I was dating a girl for two and a half months and she didn't touch my pee pee yet, I would thinks she is frigid. I'm assuming of course you see the person you are dating at least weekly.
 

pplwatching

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if I was dating a girl for two and a half months and she didn't touch my pee pee yet, I would thinks she is frigid. I'm assuming of course you see the person you are dating at least weekly

Like so many other things in intimate romantic relationships I think that communication is key. I think that in the situation that you describe either she hasn't communicated how she feels, or her beau isn't listening. There would probably be some mis-matched expectations about the nature, purpose, and goal of the relationship.

There's nothing wrong with being up front and saying something along the lines of, "I really like you. I know it's kind of unusual to want to wait a little while before having sex, but it's important to me. Here's why ..." I don't know rtg, but from what she's written "why" doesn't seem to have anything to do with frigidity. Her reasons are her business, and of course her beau's. It seems from her posts that she views sex as a sign of a level of commitment that so far hasn't proved to be there, and that has been a problem for her. In my opinion a man who agrees with her and respects her choice and reasons is probably exactly what she's looking for in a lover anyway. She may have to pass over a few men to find him.

I don't know you, rtg, or what you're looking for, but from your posts my intuition tells me we're not talking about the "until I get a ring" bait and switch here. I dated a woman in a similar situation. As a very high drive person who has waited for sex, I can say from experience that waiting for sex can be good for a relationship as long as we're both honest and invested in a relationship. I think discussing it up front, and being clear about your reasons, is the key.

The flip side is that you can't just drift along in the relationship. You have to be proactive, observant, ask questions, and listen so you'll know sooner rather than later if you're into a man enough to enjoy having sex with him. If not, let him go. Stringing him along just because he's willing to wait isn't nice.

All just my $.02.
 

rtg

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Thanks heaps pplwatching :) youre right about all your assumptions of me. And im not against doing 'other things'...it all just has to be at the right time and i want to be emotionally ready for sex. When i told hm to start with that i wanted to take it slow he asked if id been hurt before. I told him yes. And we spoke about it a couple of times off his own accord...this, to me, indicates that he does respect me but in light of my own vulnerabilities i need to wait until im ready.

I do really like him and i know its early days but i really can.see a future with him.

Perhaps the most ironic part of all is that we actually met on a hook up site. But after talking for a day it became pretty clear he wasnt just after sex. He took me out to a really nice restaurant on our first date and said he wanted to get to know me. Im not used to being treated so well and respected, but it feels nice. And i think it will be worth the wait for both of us.