how long would you put up with a lack of sex?

[oakwood]

oh dear.
you've been reading cerial boxes!

my motivations are...

i like him.
but i'm not sure i want to be in a relationship with anyone.
i like spending time with him.
but i'm perfectly happy on my own.
i'm pleased to see him.
but a few hours later i'm itching to be alone.

i stopped having sex because i'm not into having sex.
sex is overrated.

he knows all this.
and yet he persues.

so, if you can at least try to keep on topic, wtf is he bothering?

He loves you, I guess.

 

[Drifterwood]

He must have special hands.

 

[nolbaby]

i've loved 3 women in my life. any one of them, at any time, could have gotten mouth, anal, and vaginal cancer and been unable to have any type of sex with me and i would have been perfectly fine with it. that's what love is. having somebody that loves you enough that sex has become unnecessary (when it has always been very necessary to him, as you say) is a great thing to have. think of it as a good thing and be happy that you have somebody who loves you that much instead of wondering if he is cheating on you. if loving you only makes you think bad things of him, then you are actually punishing him for loving you. you should be rewarding him. unless you want to be alone forever, in which case punishing love is the ideal strategy.

 

[dolfette]

i've loved 3 women in my life. any one of them, at any time, could have gotten mouth, anal, and vaginal cancer and been unable to have any type of sex with me and i would have been perfectly fine with it. that's what love is. having somebody that loves you enough that sex has become unnecessary (when it has always been very necessary to him, as you say) is a great thing to have. think of it as a good thing and be happy that you have somebody who loves you that much instead of wondering if he is cheating on you. if loving you only makes you think bad things of him, then you are actually punishing him for loving you. you should be rewarding him. unless you want to be alone forever, in which case punishing love is the ideal strategy.

it's not cheating if i've said he can.
and assuming he is isn't a punishment in that situation.

as is, i broke up with him.
couldn't see the point in it.
i think maybe i would rather be alone forever.

 

[deleted395785]

i reached maximum pissed offedness with the man in early february and told him that his attitude turned me off and i was done with sex.
i mean, i was celibate & happy with it for years before we met.

so it's may now.
and i'm still not giving it up.
and he's still persisting.

this confuses me, because he should've gotten bored & left me alone by now. but he's still talking about moving in together...
obviously he's getting it elsewhere but why not invest more time & emotion in that?

he's not even pestering for sex...hugs & kisses but no tongues are as far as he's attempted to go.

sounds like he wants to be with you and you're not convincing him he shouldn't be with you. but it does raise some questions on your ability to communicate effectively. what makes it obvious he is getting it elsewhere? would you prefer to chase than to be chased? im willing to bet that if he left you completly alone it would bother you to some degree, unless it wasnt that serious in the first place. or maybe this is the first stages of getting stalked lol

 

[kazooplayer]

i think maybe i would rather be alone forever.

There are worse things in life than getting what you want.

 

[dolfette]

There are worse things in life than getting what you want.

like living a compromise.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

*snicker*

i'd been seeing him for over a year.
and, yes, we had a sex life for most of that.

it's not a tactic.
i'm quite happy without the sex.
but i have to assume he's getting some elsewhere because he has a fairly high drive.
i know he does the whole love thing but i'm confused as to why he's putting in hundreds of miles to spend weekends with me still. it's odd. love only goes so far, right?

i'm not emotional or sexual myself.
he's very emotional and sexual.

there's no hint of frustration, anger, irritation or boredom from him...
that can't be normal.

The more salient question is why YOU have no interest in sex.

His willingness to stick to you is evidence of love- many men go for years without sex for a woman they love, due to illness, childbearing or what have you...

This seems a mighty odd site for a woman with no sex drive to frequent...'and seriously, lack of libido in women of child bearing age is not normal... it can be an indication of a lot of different physiological problems.


Do you want to have a love relationship? Do you want to have no sex with any man... or is it just this particular man you are trying to drive off?

WOuld you be willing to stick with him under the understanding that he is getting his rocks off elsewhere?
Or would you expect any man with you to give up on sex entirely?

A sure way to destroy a love relationship is for one of the partners to arbitrarily decide that the other partner's sex life is functionally ended...


You might want to consider seeing a doctor about your lack of libido.
Many women use a testosterone cream and swear it brings back their sex drive...

 

[lickme69]

I was in a terrible marriage and didn't have sex for 6 months. Yes it bothered me, but I didn;t want it from him. No i did not seek it other places, I did the best thing and got a divorce. Sex is so much better now.

 

[dolfette]

You might want to consider seeing a doctor about your lack of libido.
Many women use a testosterone cream and swear it brings back their sex drive...

old thread and you didn't read the recent posts.

why?
because society tells me i should?
because wanting sex is the norm?

asexuality is a valid sexuality, thank you.
even at my teenage, hormone driven horniest i was never that into sex...it was something i'd do because that's what couples do.
my drive has dropped and i'm fine with that actually.

i don't need fixing. the situation needed fixing.
i dumped him.
it's fixed.

I was in a terrible marriage and didn't have sex for 6 months. Yes it bothered me, but I didn;t want it from him. No i did not seek it other places, I did the best thing and got a divorce. Sex is so much better now.

sounds like you've been liberated!
congrats.

 

[DiscoBoy]

old thread and you didn't read the recent posts.

why?
because society tells me i should?
because wanting sex is the norm?

asexuality is a valid sexuality, thank you.
even at my teenage, hormone driven horniest i was never that into sex...it was something i'd do because that's what couples do.
my drive has dropped and i'm fine with that actually.

i don't need fixing. the situation needed fixing.
i dumped him.
it's fixed.

sounds like you've been liberated!
congrats.

Would you classify yourself as asexual?

Or just very jaded? I don't think anyone wishes to be lonely.

 

[D_Suckleberry Hound]

Would you classify yourself as asexual?

Or just very jaded? I don't think anyone wishes to be lonely.

I think being on your own and being lonely are two completely different things. There are plenty of people in relationships that are lonely, and plenty of people on their own that are not lonely at all.

 

[DiscoBoy]

i think maybe i would rather be alone forever.

I think being on your own and being lonely are two completely different things. There are plenty of people in relationships that are lonely, and plenty of people on their own that are not lonely at all.

I associate being alone with loneliness. I don't think anyone could be happy being alone forever. I guess it all just depends on perspective.

 

[invisibleman]

i reached maximum pissed offedness with the man in early february and told him that his attitude turned me off and i was done with sex.
i mean, i was celibate & happy with it for years before we met.

so it's may now.
and i'm still not giving it up.
and he's still persisting.

this confuses me, because he should've gotten bored & left me alone by now. but he's still talking about moving in together...
obviously he's getting it elsewhere but why not invest more time & emotion in that?

he's not even pestering for sex...hugs & kisses but no tongues are as far as he's attempted to go.

it's fucking weird! and perplexing!

give me guy POV.

You should be telling that guy to move on. You aren't saying "leave", that is the problem. Cease the affection, period.

If you don't like him sexually, set him up with someone else that is his type. Let her have some dick. Let him get some pussy.

Maybe you like leading him on. And he is allowing you. That is wrong.

 

[NOINRI]

This all sounds very stupid.

The guy angers you.
You lose interest in him and punish him with no sex instead of breaking up with him.
He stays with you anyway and is willing to deal with no sex. And this angers you?
And you accuse him of cheating with no proof because of something you did that he seems to be handling in stride very well.

What was the purpose?

This isn't "The Hills". Grow up. This isn't cute or appealing.

And to answer your question, I'd be willing to wait as long as it took and I wouldn't have to cheat to endure. Even you seem to have a hard time believing someone could do that for you and I am too.

 

[rob_just_rob]

To answer your question directly, quite a long time. If the alternative to no sex is bad sex, or sex with someone who I am only mildly attracted to, I'll go with no sex every time.

Were I in your partner's situation and the sex had been good, I would have left some time ago, probably about a month after the sex had stopped. If the sex had been bad/indifferent or I was only mildly attracted to you, I might still be around if I enjoyed your company, despite the lack of sex.

 

[DiscoBoy]

This all sounds very stupid.

The guy angers you.
You lose interest in him and punish him with no sex instead of breaking up with him.
He stays with you anyway and is willing to deal with no sex. And this angers you?
And you accuse him of cheating with no proof because of something you did that he seems to be handling in stride very well.

What was the purpose?

This isn't "The Hills". Grow up. This isn't cute or appealing.

And to answer your question, I'd be willing to wait as long as it took and I wouldn't have to cheat to endure. Even you seem to have a hard time believing someone could do that for you and I am too.

She has addressed all that:

it's not cheating if i've said he can.
and assuming he is isn't a punishment in that situation.

as is, i broke up with him.
couldn't see the point in it.
i think maybe i would rather be alone forever.

 

[OCMuscleJock]

Personally I think you need to get your hormone lvls tested. Lack of libido isn't normal...for anyone. I have a couple of friends that got married...she's straight...he's gay and they are best friends. They recently had a child together ...beautiful I might add. He's said openly, in front of her...that he's not attracted to the female body at all..but something is at least there for them to be where they are in a relationship. Have you considered that you may be ...well ..not into guys? Something is wrong...and it's not his affection for you. Apparently, he cares enough to be there regardless of your sexual interest. Get tested...it's not uncommon to have lower hormone lvls and that can be taken care of medically.

I'm not trying to be a dick or anything...just trying to help.

 

[dolfette]

Would you classify yourself as asexual?

Or just very jaded? I don't think anyone wishes to be lonely.

i'm pretty jaded.
but i'm also the least sexual person i know.
i can be both.

I think being on your own and being lonely are two completely different things. There are plenty of people in relationships that are lonely, and plenty of people on their own that are not lonely at all.

i don't get lonely.

This all sounds very stupid.

and this all sounds like you didn't read past the first post.

Personally I think you need to get your hormone lvls tested. Lack of libido isn't normal...for anyone.

I'm not trying to be a dick or anything...just trying to help.

but why should i ''fix'' myself? i don't want a sex drive.
i'm not going to meddle with my hormones in order to fit in with a norm that holds no appeal to me.
i know you're not being a dick, love.

 

[Wish-4-8]

I'll shoot.
It sounds like this guy has "puppy dog syndrome". (I made that up but I hope you get it.)
He hangs around like a puppy dog looking for a master. In other words, this guy has not thought that he could do better for himself so he holds on to the one thing he thinks he still has. And maybe he does on one level, but wont on others. He is going to spend his time hoping you change and is so "unshallow" that he is willing to wait until you get over your "slump". The problem is that he cant change a person. Accepting people with the hope they will change is wrong.

For whatever the reasons, you are who you are. And there is nothing wrong with being alone, as long as you are honest with yourself about it.

So, he needs to hear from you that things are not going to get better. This is it. This is as good as it gets with the potential to get worse. And that you could not give him what he wants and he is wasting his time.

Now, he may think he is in love. So the best cheesy line to use is, "If you love someone, let them go."

Or "You want me to be happy? I am happy alone."

Other than that, this guy sounds like a loser. No offense, but he does sound pathetic. Mostly because he just doesnt get it.

Good luck and I hope it works out for the better.