how long would you put up with a lack of sex?

[OCMuscleJock]

but why should i ''fix'' myself? i don't want a sex drive.
i'm not going to meddle with my hormones in order to fit in with a norm that holds no appeal to me.
i know you're not being a dick, love.

it's not messing with your hormones..its CORRECTING them. Your hormones do more than get your horny. They effect everything from mood, weight, energy lvls, and just a feeling of general well being. I would get checked just for general health issues or to prevent any health issues. And hey...if it makes you want sex...PERK!

Also, I speak from experience on this issue... my partner has naturally low testosterone. Always has...he has to get test. shots to have normal energy lvls, normal libido and other issues .... *he'd be mad at me for even typing this*

I hope for your own sake you do get checked...just in case.

 

[dolfette]

I'll shoot.
It sounds like this guy has "puppy dog syndrome". (I made that up but I hope you get it.)
He hangs around like a puppy dog looking for a master. In other words, this guy has not thought that he could do better for himself so he holds on to the one thing he thinks he still has. And maybe he does on one level, but wont on others. He is going to spend his time hoping you change and is so "unshallow" that he is willing to wait until you get over your "slump". The problem is that he cant change a person. Accepting people with the hope they will change is wrong.

For whatever the reasons, you are who you are. And there is nothing wrong with being alone, as long as you are honest with yourself about it.

So, he needs to hear from you that things are not going to get better. This is it. This is as good as it gets with the potential to get worse. And that you could not give him what he wants and he is wasting his time.

Now, he may think he is in love. So the best cheesy line to use is, "If you love someone, let them go."

Or "You want me to be happy? I am happy alone."

Other than that, this guy sounds like a loser. No offense, but he does sound pathetic. Mostly because he just doesnt get it.

Good luck and I hope it works out for the better.

ahahahaha!!

ok, i thought i was being a bitch for having this thought in the back of my mind.

you're right. i don't think it's real love at all...he's in love with the person he'd like me to be.

it's not messing with your hormones..its CORRECTING them. Your hormones do more than get your horny. They effect everything from mood, weight, energy lvls, and just a feeling of general well being. I would get checked just for general health issues or to prevent any health issues. And hey...if it makes you want sex...PERK!

Also, I speak from experience on this issue... my partner has naturally low testosterone. Always has...he has to get test. shots to have normal energy lvls, normal libido and other issues .... *he'd be mad at me for even typing this*

I hope for your own sake you do get checked...just in case.

nope.
i think it runs in my family...frigid women.
some docu i was watching last night cited 30% of women as having little or no drive.
we're born that way and die that way.
and plenty of doctors believe asexuality is perfectly healthy and valid.

other than arrythmia, i'm healthy...and i've had every test going in the last couple of years.

 

[NOINRI]

She has addressed all that:

Ok Thanks but it doesn't change the fact that how the situation was initially handled was not smart. She was having too much fun being "evil" as she put it.

 

[dolfette]

Ok Thanks but it doesn't change the fact that how the situation was initially handled was not smart. She was having too much fun being "evil" as she put it.

any man i date is warned in advance.
i'm not a very nice person.
i'm open and up front about that.
they just choose not to believe me.

 

[kazooplayer]

like living a compromise.

Like that, yes.

And just to answer the original question - how long would I put up with a lack of sex? About forty-five minutes

 

[Explorer]

Well you seem to have an exact response for mostly everyone's post but I don't think you should classify yourself as evil or any other classification to that nature. I think that you are highly opinionated and the fact that you let guys know, "any man i date is warned in advance.
i'm not a very nice person. i'm open and up front about that. they just choose not to believe me", shows that you have some kind of decentcy about you or else why pre-warn them.

I agree with your point that some women have little or no drive, case in point, my ex-girlfriend who I felt was one of the coldest woman I've ever known. We were alright when we would go out but when home she was distant, wanted to be left alone and damn after sex she would basically roll over and give me the cold shoulder (sex was shitty as hell!). We could be at her place watching a movie and she would sit curled up on the sofa by herself. If I moved to sit next to her she would get up go in the kitchen then sit down on her loveseat or in her recliner. I dealt with that shit for 3 years, hell truth be told I had a better time sexually with my right hand, lol...

Is it possible that in some perverted way he likes this situation? If not then you definitely need to be up front with him and let him know. Puppy love or not, some people don't catch on fast, if you know what I mean!!! Or not to be nasty but you may have rocked his fucking world when you was giving him some sex in that case I wouldn't wanna let you go either, lol...

Good luck though wit the situation.

ps: To answer your original post, if I didn't love the partner I'm with I'd go without sex for maybe a week. But if I love that person I'd hang in there. As you know its not always a sex thing.

 

[dolfette]

Like that, yes.

And just to answer the original question - how long would I put up with a lack of sex? About forty-five minutes

that long?
you, sir, are an oak. an oak.

Well you seem to have an exact response for mostly everyone's post but I don't think you should classify yourself as evil or any other classification to that nature. I think that you are highly opinionated and the fact that you let guys know, "any man i date is warned in advance.
i'm not a very nice person. i'm open and up front about that. they just choose not to believe me", shows that you have some kind of decentcy about you or else why pre-warn them.


ps: To answer your original post, if I didn't love the partner I'm with I'd go without sex for maybe a week. But if I love that person I'd hang in there. As you know its not always a sex thing.

i'm not a nice person but i'm a good person...i volunteer at the school, i take in stray dogs, i pick up old ladies that fall and i carry shopping bags home if i see someone struggling.
but i'm also cold, insular, judgemental and insensitive.

i'm assuming it would make a difference whether or not they were communicating or not, yes?

 

[Phil Ayesho]

old thread and you didn't read the recent posts.

why?
because society tells me i should?
because wanting sex is the norm?

asexuality is a valid sexuality, thank you.

And yet- here you are cruising a website dedicated to large penises and sexuality.

Sorry- your patter does not align with your action.

And, sorry again, asexuality is not any kind of norm... a reproductive drive is the norm for all species- kinda how we got here, dontchaknow...
No big deal if you don't want sex... kind of a big deal when you want a love relationship with someone who actually does fall within the norm.

Seems to me your thread should have been titled "what's a girl got to do to get rid of a guy?" since that clearly seems to have been your objective in witholding your physical affections.


And yet, again, you are on this site. Reading these threads...

I perfectly understand not wanting to have sex when you feel no sex drive... derive no real pleasure from it...

But in fact lack of libido is a sign of hormonal imbalance, often caused by under-functioning glands.

Given the fact that you cruise a sex site and claim no interest in sex, I can only again suggest that you try testosterone therapy- I know at least one woman who says it improved her quality of life tenfold, not merely by making her feel more sexual, but by making the actual act itself 10 times as intense and pleasurable.

Or- choose to ignore the disconnect between what you say and what you do.

 

[dolfette]

And yet- here you are cruising a website dedicated to large penises and sexuality.

Sorry- your patter does not align with your action.

And, sorry again, asexuality is not any kind of norm... a reproductive drive is the norm for all species- kinda how we got here, dontchaknow...
No big deal if you don't want sex... kind of a big deal when you want a love relationship with someone who actually does fall within the norm.

Seems to me your thread should have been titled "what's a girl got to do to get rid of a guy?" since that clearly seems to have been your objective in witholding your physical affections.


And yet, again, you are on this site. Reading these threads...

I perfectly understand not wanting to have sex when you feel no sex drive... derive no real pleasure from it...

But in fact lack of libido is a sign of hormonal imbalance, often caused by under-functioning glands.

Given the fact that you cruise a sex site and claim no interest in sex, I can only again suggest that you try testosterone therapy- I know at least one woman who says it improved her quality of life tenfold, not merely by making her feel more sexual, but by making the actual act itself 10 times as intense and pleasurable.

Or- choose to ignore the disconnect between what you say and what you do.

again, why? why should i try testosterone therapy?
because YOU say i'd be better off with a sex drive? pft!
so i should 'fix' myself a sex drive whther i want one or not?

thought police

and i've explained how i found this site a dozen times before. i stay because there are some interesting conversations and people. there are no naked avs, no porn pics in the threads, lots of non-flirty threads.
your judgement is no better than that of those who insist women should only be here if they're here for a hook up.
cruising? you think anyone entering debate on this site is 'cruising'?

this post, as with most of your posts, shows very little insight.
please try harder with your next contribution to this thread...which, btw, is asking how long you would put up with a lack of sex? and not, how should i change myself in order to fit in with your rather narrow views of what is ok?

 

[OCMuscleJock]

ahahahaha!!

ok, i thought i was being a bitch for having this thought in the back of my mind.

you're right. i don't think it's real love at all...he's in love with the person he'd like me to be.

nope.
i think it runs in my family...frigid women.
some docu i was watching last night cited 30% of women as having little or no drive.
we're born that way and die that way.
and plenty of doctors believe asexuality is perfectly healthy and valid.

other than arrythmia, i'm healthy...and i've had every test going in the last couple of years.

ok..just as long as you got tested...i was more worried about the OTHER problems that can occur hormonally. *not so much the sex drive* *hug*

 

[dolfette]

ok..just as long as you got tested...i was more worried about the OTHER problems that can occur hormonally. *not so much the sex drive* *hug*

in the last couple of years i found out my mother is dying from a hereditory disease and i started having a few heart problems. as a result i've had every scan & blood test the doctors could think up.
so now i know for a fact i'm in fantastic health...which is kinda cool to know.
silver linings!

thank you for your concern. :smile:

 

[MarkLondon]

And yet- here you are cruising a website dedicated to large penises and sexuality.

Sorry- your patter does not align with your action.

Now Phil, this is a large penis site with a lot of discussion about sexuality, but we're not all cruising here. Indeed, the majority of your posts are not attempts to hook up either.

 

[Explorer]

"ps: To answer your original post, if I didn't love the partner I'm with I'd go without sex for maybe a week. But if I love that person I'd hang in there. As you know its not always a sex thing."

"i'm assuming it would make a difference whether or not they were communicating or not, yes? "

To me it does 'Yes'. My partner is away from me now unfortunately in rehab due to alcohol and prescrip pills. He has been gone for 6 weeks and is not expected to come home until Sept (hopefully). I'm lonely cause we have been together for over a year and I've gotten accustomed to not sleeping alone. But like you mentioned earlier, I was alone before I met for over a year and I don't think 4-5 months is going to kill me. And yes I am bi, I have been in relationships with women and this is my first male relationship. But regardless, again like you, I'm not sexually needy so I can deal with being by myself. If I need to release I got my righthand which strokes me better then anything else and hell I actually get alot of shit done and have time to recoup my system (stressful job). As far as communication is concerned we write eachother, he calls 3x's a week which just fuels the fire for when he gets home we'll be locked down on vacation making up for that lost time...

On a personal note, sorry to hear about your mother and your heart issues. That alone can is alot of pressure on you. But just keep smiling and never let people see you down!

 

[MarkLondon]

Dolfette, I'm only (lol) a man, so I'm not subject to same hormonal swings as a woman - it's subtler for us. But I did have a period of three years of celibacy a while ago (correction, chastity - celibacy is remaining unmarried - chasteness is not having nookie, in the original meaning of those words) and I remained a good person, but I was definately not as nice. Just as you describe.

The oxytocin hormone that you get from nookie does help with social interaction, and it's not just (though mostly) for the person you nook with. The "glow" does rub off on others.

The depo provera that you talked about in another thread is relevant here, I think. You shouldn't make any major life decisions until that has completely worn off.

 

[dolfette]

To me it does 'Yes'. My partner is away from me now unfortunately in rehab due to alcohol and prescrip pills. He has been gone for 6 weeks and is not expected to come home until Sept (hopefully). I'm lonely cause we have been together for over a year and I've gotten accustomed to not sleeping alone. But like you mentioned earlier, I was alone before I met for over a year and I don't think 4-5 months is going to kill me. And yes I am bi, I have been in relationships with women and this is my first male relationship. But regardless, again like you, I'm not sexually needy so I can deal with being by myself. If I need to release I got my righthand which strokes me better then anything else and hell I actually get alot of shit done and have time to recoup my system (stressful job). As far as communication is concerned we write eachother, he calls 3x's a week which just fuels the fire for when he gets home we'll be locked down on vacation making up for that lost time...

On a personal note, sorry to hear about your mother and your heart issues. That alone can is alot of pressure on you. But just keep smiling and never let people see you down!

sounds tough.
i wish both of you the best with that. it's got to help him to have someone to believe in him and stay the course.

i'm fine as long as i have my kids and my paints. thank you :smile:

 

[dolfette]

Dolfette, I'm only (lol) a man, so I'm not subject to same hormonal swings as a woman - it's subtler for us. But I did have a period of three years of celibacy a while ago (correction, chastity - celibacy is remaining unmarried - chasteness is not having nookie, in the original meaning of those words) and I remained a good person, but I was definately not as nice. Just as you describe.

The oxytocin hormone that you get from nookie does help with social interaction, and it's not just (though mostly) for the person you nook with. The "glow" does rub off on others.

The depo provera that you talked about in another thread is relevant here, I think. You shouldn't make any major life decisions until that has completely worn off.

yeah, the depo took me from ''not tonight, dear.'' to ''get the hell away from me!'' but i've been cold my whole life.
i was never big on physical contact, even as a child...mildly aspergers perhaps.

believe it or not, i'm actually far less pleasant when i'm in a relationship.

before this guy i'd had a three year stretch of happy celibacy. perfectly happy.

 

[deleted356736]

I think the comment above about oxytocin, and there are other hormones that are released as part of sex with a partner and with an orgasm, that affect our moods and emotional balance for days after. Women also absorb testosterone and other feel-good hormones, from the semen inside their bodies. Sometimes you meet women who are brittle and difficult to get on with, and you often suspect there is a lack of love and sex in their lives. It's more noticeable to outsiders.

I have never taken sex as equivalent to love, but my perspective on the women who I have loved is that when they are in love they desire sex, and the sex we have fuels a deeper love, which increases the desire for sex, and so on. Indeed, I haven't met a women who either liked me a lot, or loved me, who didn't desire to have sex with me. This is fortunate for me as I am a sexual person, and solo sex isn't a worthy substitute for me. I would not remain in a relationship that was asexual, unless there was a good reason for it to be so, such as illness.

I don't take a lack of sex drive as a good reason, as I feel the mind is the most powerful of our sex organs. We can use our minds to share pleasure with the person we love, or give the person we love this special gift that we know they desire.

I have experience in the latter as I had a low-level illness for quite a number of years that reduced my sex drive to almost nothing. And yet my wife and I continued to have regular sex, because when it started it still felt just as good as ever, and it was also something my wife desired. In other words, my lack of libido didn't prevent me from having sex, which logically it doesn't.