how many is too many?

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I think if a person is only comfortable in a relationship with someone who has a certain amount of experience (either a little or a lot), then that's the kind of person they should enter into a relationship with.

That's kind of stating the obvious, but if you're not comfortable in a relationship with someone more or less experienced than you are - if you are "unequally yoked" - then simply don't get into a relationship with them. By all means, do not get into a relationship with someone and then badger them about their experience or lack of it. If you have certain criteria that need to be met in order to have a successful relationship, then just stick to your principles when selecting your mate.

Everyone has their own likes and dislikes for potential mates. Some people only like to date attractive people. Some people only like to date smart people. Some people need their mate to be of a certain ethnicity, or adhere to certain spiritual principles. And so on. And these mean different things to different people. Pretty to me may not be pretty to you. Smart to me may not be smart to you.

I remember reading on this forum about how some women would never consider having a LTR with a man endowed with less than a seven-inch penis. They say there's nothing wrong with smaller penises, they've had great sex with smaller penises, but when push comes to shove they need a bigger penis in a LTR in order to have the deep orgasms - a necessary condition for them. Likewise some guys or girls need their potential mates to be less experienced. That's their preference. Maybe they're insecure, maybe they're not. Maybe they have religious convictions, maybe not. Whatever the reason ... it's their preference.

I'm probably not handsome or rich enough to date a movie star. I'm probably not endowed well enough below the belt to date a size queen. I might have slept with too many other women to date someone with strong religious convictions. Hey, that's ok; I'm not going to point my finger at them and call them judgemental; it's their own personal preference whom they date. There's 3.3 billion other females out there!

And I'm married, anyway!

Thanks.
 

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I think if a person is only comfortable in a relationship with someone who has a certain amount of experience (either a little or a lot), then that's the kind of person they should enter into a relationship with.

That's kind of stating the obvious, but if you're not comfortable in a relationship with someone more or less experienced than you are - if you are "unequally yoked" - then simply don't get into a relationship with them. By all means, do not get into a relationship with someone and then badger them about their experience or lack of it. If you have certain criteria that need to be met in order to have a successful relationship, then just stick to your principles when selecting your mate.

Everyone has their own likes and dislikes for potential mates. Some people only like to date attractive people. Some people only like to date smart people. Some people need their mate to be of a certain ethnicity, or adhere to certain spiritual principles. And so on. And these mean different things to different people. Pretty to me may not be pretty to you. Smart to me may not be smart to you.

I remember reading on this forum about how some women would never consider having a LTR with a man endowed with less than a seven-inch penis. They say there's nothing wrong with smaller penises, they've had great sex with smaller penises, but when push comes to shove they need a bigger penis in a LTR in order to have the deep orgasms - a necessary condition for them. Likewise some guys or girls need their potential mates to be less experienced. That's their preference. Maybe they're insecure, maybe they're not. Maybe they have religious convictions, maybe not. Whatever the reason ... it's their preference.

I'm probably not handsome or rich enough to date a movie star. I'm probably not endowed well enough below the belt to date a size queen. I might have slept with too many other women to date someone with strong religious convictions. Hey, that's ok; I'm not going to point my finger at them and call them judgemental; it's their own personal preference whom they date. There's 3.3 billion other females out there!

And I'm married, anyway!

Thanks.
That's quite sage. Welcome to the group!
 

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I think if a person is only comfortable in a relationship with someone who has a certain amount of experience (either a little or a lot), then that's the kind of person they should enter into a relationship with.

That's kind of stating the obvious, but if you're not comfortable in a relationship with someone more or less experienced than you are - if you are "unequally yoked" - then simply don't get into a relationship with them. By all means, do not get into a relationship with someone and then badger them about their experience or lack of it. If you have certain criteria that need to be met in order to have a successful relationship, then just stick to your principles when selecting your mate.

Everyone has their own likes and dislikes for potential mates. Some people only like to date attractive people. Some people only like to date smart people. Some people need their mate to be of a certain ethnicity, or adhere to certain spiritual principles. And so on. And these mean different things to different people. Pretty to me may not be pretty to you. Smart to me may not be smart to you.

I remember reading on this forum about how some women would never consider having a LTR with a man endowed with less than a seven-inch penis. They say there's nothing wrong with smaller penises, they've had great sex with smaller penises, but when push comes to shove they need a bigger penis in a LTR in order to have the deep orgasms - a necessary condition for them. Likewise some guys or girls need their potential mates to be less experienced. That's their preference. Maybe they're insecure, maybe they're not. Maybe they have religious convictions, maybe not. Whatever the reason ... it's their preference.

I'm probably not handsome or rich enough to date a movie star. I'm probably not endowed well enough below the belt to date a size queen. I might have slept with too many other women to date someone with strong religious convictions. Hey, that's ok; I'm not going to point my finger at them and call them judgemental; it's their own personal preference whom they date. There's 3.3 billion other females out there!

And I'm married, anyway!

Thanks.

Spot on!
 

petite

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Welcome Northeast! Great first post! You've inspired me to post, too. :biggrin1:

I've had more sexual partners than all of the men I've been in relationships with and none of them have ever acted insecure about it or worried about my fidelity, even though I've had a few partners I slept with just for sex. I don't think there's any connection between being mature enough to handle a sexual relationship free from commitment and being able to commit to a monogamous relationship. It just meant that I hadn't found the right person to commit to yet, and I sure wasn't going to commit to being monogamous with someone who wasn't the right guy just so I could have sex with him! :rolleyes:

It's never bothered me when I've dated a man with fewer partners or relatively little experience. That really doesn't matter to me. I don't think it's ever occurred to me to think that it would be a problem, and I'm surprised to read that women "expect" a man to have a lot of experience. I've never had those kinds of expectations. I've always thought that sex comes so naturally that anything that wasn't already known would soon be learned. :tongue: :biggrin1:

It seems like a lot of people who have had long term relationships end up doing kinkier things and wilder things in bed than people who just have one night stands, since it seems like most people explore those kinds of things as a couple, so the number of partners a person has had doesn't necessarily translate to how sexually experienced they actually are. I know a lot of people who actually have high partner counts, but they rarely do anything other than missionary/cowgirl/doggy and sometimes oral sex, and I know some couples who have tried just about everything two people can to do together. For example, my first love had only slept with one girl before me, and he was absolutely incredible in bed and over the next 7 years, we did a lot of things together! We had a lot more sexual experience from the things we did with each other than anyone else I knew who was the same age as me. From reading LPSG, I think we had a lot more sexual experience than people who were 15 years older than us! :tongue:

So, I think such judgments are silly and every person should be judged individually and not by any unforgiving rules set in stone. As someone very wisely said before, what if you reject the right person for you, that person who would have brought so much joy to your life? That would be a silly thing to do.
 
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EmJay

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Of course women who've ridden the carousel a few times want to convince themselves that their past behaviour won't affect their ability to obtain a man in the future. They label men who don't want their "experienced" selves immature, insecure, or committed to a double standard. Yes there's a double standard, and women created it. If women were committed to relationships with relatively "inexperienced" men, then there would be an incentive for men to keep their totals low too.

So in answer to the thread starter, yes, I would prefer a low single digits, fortunately counting myself my fiancée's total is two. Mine is slightly lower. :)

By the way that is not a double standard and it has not been what many women, including myself have been talking about on this forum..

Its perfectly ok to not want to be with a sexually experienced partner if you have been more conservative with your own sexuality through the years..

Its completely ridiculous to reject a partner for their 'whoring ways' from the past..if you have been as much or even more of a 'whore' yourself..

So if the numbers matter to you, because you seek someone out with a similar trackrecord..that is your standard, and you may choose to have them..

Now do i believe that 'the numbers' say something about a person, are they less worthy of a person because they have had more or less encounters than i have had...nope!

But not being able to deal with the amount of numbers no matter how high or low for some, usually has to do with some form of insecurity. Some guys on LPSG have even stated this. And this has nothing to do with some 'loose woman's excuse for the honour of the guy's appraisal of worthiness for a relationship'

The 'loose woman' can't even be bothered with guys who do not want her, she moves on with lightspeed to the ones who do and are respectful to her..

Its not necessary to keep a 'low amount'..this is not the holy grail for alot of people.

for many people that might be something to be really proud of..for just as much having more experience might be giving them the exact same feelings of pride and joy..

Who are we to judge?
 

borntobeking

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I think if a person is only comfortable in a relationship with someone who has a certain amount of experience (either a little or a lot), then that's the kind of person they should enter into a relationship with.

That's kind of stating the obvious, but if you're not comfortable in a relationship with someone more or less experienced than you are - if you are "unequally yoked" - then simply don't get into a relationship with them. By all means, do not get into a relationship with someone and then badger them about their experience or lack of it. If you have certain criteria that need to be met in order to have a successful relationship, then just stick to your principles when selecting your mate.

Everyone has their own likes and dislikes for potential mates. Some people only like to date attractive people. Some people only like to date smart people. Some people need their mate to be of a certain ethnicity, or adhere to certain spiritual principles. And so on. And these mean different things to different people. Pretty to me may not be pretty to you. Smart to me may not be smart to you.

I remember reading on this forum about how some women would never consider having a LTR with a man endowed with less than a seven-inch penis. They say there's nothing wrong with smaller penises, they've had great sex with smaller penises, but when push comes to shove they need a bigger penis in a LTR in order to have the deep orgasms - a necessary condition for them. Likewise some guys or girls need their potential mates to be less experienced. That's their preference. Maybe they're insecure, maybe they're not. Maybe they have religious convictions, maybe not. Whatever the reason ... it's their preference.

I'm probably not handsome or rich enough to date a movie star. I'm probably not endowed well enough below the belt to date a size queen. I might have slept with too many other women to date someone with strong religious convictions. Hey, that's ok; I'm not going to point my finger at them and call them judgemental; it's their own personal preference whom they date. There's 3.3 billion other females out there!

And I'm married, anyway!

Thanks.

Well put and welcome.
 

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I think if a person is only comfortable in a relationship with someone who has a certain amount of experience (either a little or a lot), then that's the kind of person they should enter into a relationship with.

That's kind of stating the obvious, but if you're not comfortable in a relationship with someone more or less experienced than you are - if you are "unequally yoked" - then simply don't get into a relationship with them. By all means, do not get into a relationship with someone and then badger them about their experience or lack of it. If you have certain criteria that need to be met in order to have a successful relationship, then just stick to your principles when selecting your mate.

Everyone has their own likes and dislikes for potential mates. Some people only like to date attractive people. Some people only like to date smart people. Some people need their mate to be of a certain ethnicity, or adhere to certain spiritual principles. And so on. And these mean different things to different people. Pretty to me may not be pretty to you. Smart to me may not be smart to you.

I remember reading on this forum about how some women would never consider having a LTR with a man endowed with less than a seven-inch penis. They say there's nothing wrong with smaller penises, they've had great sex with smaller penises, but when push comes to shove they need a bigger penis in a LTR in order to have the deep orgasms - a necessary condition for them. Likewise some guys or girls need their potential mates to be less experienced. That's their preference. Maybe they're insecure, maybe they're not. Maybe they have religious convictions, maybe not. Whatever the reason ... it's their preference.

I'm probably not handsome or rich enough to date a movie star. I'm probably not endowed well enough below the belt to date a size queen. I might have slept with too many other women to date someone with strong religious convictions. Hey, that's ok; I'm not going to point my finger at them and call them judgemental; it's their own personal preference whom they date. There's 3.3 billion other females out there!

And I'm married, anyway!

Thanks.


x2 northeast:arms:
 

B_Bjen2848

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As someone very wisely said before, what if you reject the right person for you, that person who would have brought so much joy to your life? That would be a silly thing to do.


yeah thats what we were trying to tell my boy but he's kind of a jackass when it comes to picking women ... im convinced he's attracted to women who make him miserable lol:cool:
 

B_subgirrl

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The problem arises when he wants the same things. :smile:

How is that a problem?


I remember reading on this forum about how some women would never consider having a LTR with a man endowed with less than a seven-inch penis. They say there's nothing wrong with smaller penises, they've had great sex with smaller penises, but when push comes to shove they need a bigger penis in a LTR in order to have the deep orgasms - a necessary condition for them. Likewise some guys or girls need their potential mates to be less experienced. That's their preference.

Welcome to the forum, and good post! I do disagree with the bit I've quoted though (and I feel qualified to comment about it because it sounds like you're talking about one of MY posts!). I just don't feel that the two situations are comparable. One 'preference' is a physical necessity for orgasm. The other is a preference based on belief systems. Apples and oranges. It's not that I feel that people should be negatively judged for having a preference for a certain number of partners, just that I don't think you can compare that kind of preference to a physical necessity.


I don't think there's any connection between being mature enough to handle a sexual relationship free from commitment and being able to commit to a monogamous relationship.

I agree with this wholeheartedly.


and I'm surprised to read that women "expect" a man to have a lot of experience. I've never had those kinds of expectations.

I hope you don't mean me - I'd like to think you know me better than that. I certainly don't 'expect' a man to have a lot of experience. It is something I prefer (an ideal), although as I said, in reality the numbers don't really matter. I certainly don't quiz people on their number of sexual partners before sleeping with them!


It seems like a lot of people who have had long term relationships end up doing kinkier things and wilder things in bed than people who just have one night stands, since it seems like most people explore those kinds of things as a couple, so the number of partners a person has had doesn't necessarily translate to how sexually experienced they actually are.

I agree that people are more likely to experiment with sex in longer relationships, and that ONSs tend to be more basic sexually. So if it's a variety of types of sexual activity that a person is looking for, a partner who is more experienced with LTRs may be the way to go.

However, I've found that men who have had sex with more women tend to be better at sex (in a straight forward physical sense) in the short term. Men who have had few partners, in my experience at least, tend to only know how to please those few women sexually. They seem to struggle somewhat with transferring the skills they've learned and seem to be slower at learning what makes a new partner happy sexually. If you're looking for a person for a LTR, this wouldn't be a problem - there's plenty of time to discover what makes each other happy. If it's not a LTR, I really prefer someone who is good at adapting to new partners - what's the point in having sex if it isn't going to be good? Of course, there are plenty of inexperienced men who are naturally good at figuring out what works for a given woman (usually because they are caring and are good at paying attention to body language), but the general trend (in my experience) seems to be that inexperienced men don't adapt as fast.


So, I think such judgments are silly and every person should be judged individually and not by any unforgiving rules set in stone.

I agree with this too! There are always people who don't match up to what you've usually found to be the case, and you wouldn't want to miss out on that person just because you pre-judged them.
 

simbablk

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I don't think her body count should count. That was her past - you are her present and maybe her future. What she did before should have no bearing on what the relationship would be like for the two of you. By many people's standards (which is dwindling as the days go by) I have been with a conservative amount of women - from a male perspective.

I once proposed the question to some people and it didn't get a response - so I'll ask here. A woman who has sex with, for the sake of even numbers, let's say 10 men - over the course of 5 years. That equates to having sex with two different guys per year. Not a bad number for a single gal, right.

But what about the woman who has sex with 10 different guys over the course of 6 months? That's almost 2 different men per month. Sounds a little much, right?

But what's the difference? In my opinion, nothing. The numbers are the same - 10 different men. Period. So what does it really matter in the end? What matters is the woman who had sex with 10 men over the course of 5 years would be viewed as conservative while the woman who had sex with 10 men in 6 months would be viewed as a whore. But they're the same woman.

Your perception is your perception. If you think there should be a limit to the amount of sexual partners your current partner has had in the past, then do NOT ask! You might be given a number you didn't want to hear. But remember, you are then judging them according to their past. Do you want someone judging you according to your past?

Simba
 

petite

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I hope you don't mean me - I'd like to think you know me better than that. I certainly don't 'expect' a man to have a lot of experience. It is something I prefer (an ideal), although as I said, in reality the numbers don't really matter. I certainly don't quiz people on their number of sexual partners before sleeping with them!

Oh, no I wasn't referring to you at all! I had forgotten that you had said that! I was referring to Argonaut75's post earlier in this thread where he said that the double standard was the fault of women who expect men to be more experienced than themselves. I was saying that it's never occurred to me and that doesn't matter to me.

I agree that people are more likely to experiment with sex in longer relationships, and that ONSs tend to be more basic sexually. So if it's a variety of types of sexual activity that a person is looking for, a partner who is more experienced with LTRs may be the way to go.

However, I've found that men who have had sex with more women tend to be better at sex (in a straight forward physical sense) in the short term. Men who have had few partners, in my experience at least, tend to only know how to please those few women sexually. They seem to struggle somewhat with transferring the skills they've learned and seem to be slower at learning what makes a new partner happy sexually. If you're looking for a person for a LTR, this wouldn't be a problem - there's plenty of time to discover what makes each other happy. If it's not a LTR, I really prefer someone who is good at adapting to new partners - what's the point in having sex if it isn't going to be good? Of course, there are plenty of inexperienced men who are naturally good at figuring out what works for a given woman (usually because they are caring and are good at paying attention to body language), but the general trend (in my experience) seems to be that inexperienced men don't adapt as fast.

I think we've just had different experiences. I've had mixed results regarding that, so mixed that I can't generalize without drawing a chart! :tongue:

Let's see... My top three best lovers have been two men I had LTR with and one ONS. My first love had only had sex once before me, making me much more experienced than him! Yet, he was absolutely fantastic in bed from the beginning. If he hadn't told me that he didn't have experience, I wouldn't have known. That one night stand was with a man who had a lot of experience and a lot of partners. And I'm my husband's third sexual partner, although his second one was a FB, so does that count as experienced or not? I'm on the fence about that because he didn't have a lot of partners, but having a partner just to have lots of fun sex suggests more "experience." The first time we had sex was so perfect, it was like the fantasies I had had about having sex with him came true!

I've had sex with several other men who have had a lot more sexual partners, but it wasn't evident from what they were like in bed. I can think of three in particular who were disappointing in bed.

Now, maybe I'm just really tired and I can't see the proper connections atm, but I don't think that tells me anything... I've been randomly successful when it comes to having good and bad lovers, without any seeming discernible pattern regarding their own sexual histories that I can see atm.

My point about the experience levels of people who have lots of casual sex vs. people who have had LTR had to do with judging someone who has only has a few LTR as "inexperienced" could very well be extremely wrong, since I've had far wilder and kinkier sex whenever I've been with a single partner for a long time, and judging someone who has had a lot of casual sex as "sexually experienced" could also be extremely wrong because I don't think that someone who has had little else but missionary position sex with a lot of partners is "experienced" in bed, not by my definition.
 
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B_subgirrl

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Oh, no I wasn't referring to you at all!

Oh good :smile:. I didn't think you were - just making sure.


I think we've just had different experiences. I've had mixed results regarding that, so mixed that I can't generalize without drawing a chart! :tongue:

Lists and charts are useful!


And I'm my husband's third sexual partner, although his second one was a FB, so does that count as experienced or not? I'm on the fence about that because he didn't have a lot of partners, but having a partner just to have lots of fun sex suggests more "experience." The first time we had sex was so perfect, it was like the fantasies I had had about having sex with him came true!

You guys have some sort of magic spell between you though - it makes you different to the rest of the world :tongue:.

I guess whether FBs count as adding to experience depends on the kind of sexual and non-sexual relationship they had. With some of my FBs I've had relationships that resembled more committed relationships, whereas others have been more about just meeting for sex once a month. In a sexual sense, some of my FB relationships have included sex that was much more . . . experimental than the sex I've had in committed relationships, whereas in others the sex has been very vanilla. In some of my FB relationships I've learned a lot, but in others there was no learning at all. I think the length of time an FB relationship covers can make a difference as well.


Now, maybe I'm just really tired and I can't see the proper connections atm, but I don't think that tells me anything... I've been randomly successful when it comes to having good and bad lovers, without any seeming discernible pattern regarding their own sexual histories that I can see atm.

I'm not seeing any connections there either. I think you really have had random experiences :smile:.


My point about the experience levels of people who have lots of casual sex vs. people who have had LTR had to do with judging someone who has only has a few LTR as "inexperienced" could very well be extremely wrong, since I've had far wilder and kinkier sex whenever I've been with a single partner for a long time, and judging someone who has had a lot of casual sex as "sexually experienced" could also be extremely wrong because I don't think that someone who has had little else but missionary position sex with a lot of partners is "experienced" in bed, not by my definition.

I'm with you on this one, especially the bolded part :smile:.
 
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Welcome to the forum, and good post! I do disagree with the bit I've quoted though (and I feel qualified to comment about it because it sounds like you're talking about one of MY posts!). I just don't feel that the two situations are comparable. One 'preference' is a physical necessity for orgasm. The other is a preference based on belief systems. Apples and oranges. It's not that I feel that people should be negatively judged for having a preference for a certain number of partners, just that I don't think you can compare that kind of preference to a physical necessity.

Maybe a better analogy would be "recreational drug" use. Some people are ok with it, especially if it was done in the past and not done currently; to others there is a stigma associated with having used drugs, even in the past.

An even mo' better analogy might be "infidelity in a relationship". Some people can justify their own infidelity in past relationships (he was mean to me, we weren't "really" going out, we were just "friends with benefits", etc.), and the current partner may be willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and be ok with it (as long as it remains in the past). Other people would never date someone with any amount of infidelity in their past.

Some people will only date athletes, while others are drawn to musicians, or "bad boys", or academics, or religious/spiritual, or yes, even those who have not sexually shared themselves with many. All lifestyle choices.

Thanks.
 
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B_subgirrl

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Maybe a better analogy would be "recreational drug" use. Some people are ok with it, especially if it was done in the past and not done currently; to others there is a stigma associated with having used drugs, even in the past.

An even mo' better analogy might be "infidelity in a relationship". Some people can justify their own infidelity in past relationships (he was mean to me, we weren't "really" going out, we were just "friends with benefits", etc.), and the current partner may be willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and be ok with it (as long as it remains in the past). Other people would never date someone with any amount of infidelity in their past.

Some people will only date athletes, while others are drawn to musicians, or "bad boys", or academics, or religious/spiritual, or yes, even those who have not sexually shared themselves with many. All lifestyle choices.

Thanks.

Much better analogies :smile:. With that correction, brilliant first post! It feels good to welcome another thoughtful man to the site :smile:.
 

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Never ask how many your partner has been with, don't ask don't tell. It doesn't matter how many and as mentioned above, what's in the past is in the past and can't be undone.
 

wis

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Forgot to mention, if my partner asks and even if I tell him I wont say and he still wants to know then I just say he's my 5th or 6th even if he's 20, 30, 50 or my 100.