how many is too many?

[B_Bjen2848]

Maybe a better analogy would be "recreational drug" use. Some people are ok with it, especially if it was done in the past and not done currently; to others there is a stigma associated with having used drugs, even in the past.

An even mo' better analogy might be "infidelity in a relationship". Some people can justify their own infidelity in past relationships (he was mean to me, we weren't "really" going out, we were just "friends with benefits", etc.), and the current partner may be willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and be ok with it (as long as it remains in the past). Other people would never date someone with any amount of infidelity in their past.

Some people will only date athletes, while others are drawn to musicians, or "bad boys", or academics, or religious/spiritual, or yes, even those who have not sexually shared themselves with many. All lifestyle choices.

Thanks.

thats interesting .. how many people would refuse to date someone who had a history with cheating?

and do any of you have "musts" that you think others dont require like you when it comes to finding a mate? (only athletes, certain academic records, "bad boys", "nice guys", religious preference etc.)

 

[FeroxFemina]

how many people would refuse to date someone who had a history with cheating?

Hmmm. Not sure. When you meet someone they don't exactly have 'cheater' written on their forehead.

If I knew it may put me off but wouldn't deter me from trying. I'd consider that knowledge a warning before the relationship became exclusive and take things step by step.

Things that would put me off: (not deal breakers, they just might deter me)

Drug taking:
- my ex smoked a lot of weed. I know that marijuana doesn't compare to heroin but to me it was a big deal. In the beginning it was something he did 'only on weekends' which in fact meant everyday. From when he woke up to when he went to bed, he was smoking weed. All of his money went on it. Then he started asking for money. Long story short: things got bad, I hated who he became and we broke up.
- If I met someone today who was perfect in every way and then I found out that he smoked marijuana, well, it wouldn't be a complete deal breaker for me but I would have to think about things. I'd definitely hesitate

Religion
- I'm Buddhist and very open to other faiths but have been with/around potential partners and had flirtatious encounters where the guy finds out that I'm buddhist and either laughs at it (apparently it's funny) or challenges my beliefs.
- I have been with people of other faiths (before and after I converted to Buddhism) and it hasn't worked out due to them trying to convert me and forcing their beliefs down my throat

Those are my two issues. I don't really have 'musts' other than the usual e.g. good manners, good hygiene, sense of humour etc etc

and do any of you have "musts" that you think others dont require like you when it comes to finding a mate? (only athletes, certain academic records, "bad boys", "nice guys", religious preference etc.)

I am open minded and don't judge a book by it's cover. Ofcourse I have my fantasy men e.g. the latest leading man in the movies, but that's fantasy. I wouldn't ignore someone if I found out that they didn't go to University, if they don't have blue eyes or something.

For me certain things (such as a certain hair colour, eye colour, academic prowess etc) just act as a catalyst; they make the reaction between two people (attraction) happen quicker, but they aren't the be all and end all.

Hope I've made sense.

 

[Argonaut 1975]

Oh, no I wasn't referring to you at all! I had forgotten that you had said that! I was referring to Argonaut75's post earlier in this thread where he said that the double standard was the fault of women who expect men to be more experienced than themselves. I was saying that it's never occurred to me and that doesn't matter to me.

I was referring more to the female interest in "high status" males who generally become more experienced than "low status" males due to said interest. Perhaps I put it around the wrong way.

 

[Gaydane]

My last boyfriend had already had more than 50 partners when I met him. It was not a problem for me....I don´t judge people from their past.

 

[B_subgirrl]

thats interesting .. how many people would refuse to date someone who had a history with cheating?

Once or twice probably wouldn't bother me, as everyone makes mistakes (although I'd like to know what their motivation for cheating was). I wouldn't want to enter a 'monogamous' relationship with someone who had a history of habitual cheating.

and do any of you have "musts" that you think others dont require like you when it comes to finding a mate? (only athletes, certain academic records, "bad boys", "nice guys", religious preference etc.)

For a LTR, I require that he is a Dom, preferably with a bit of experience in that area.

 

[dirkjesje]

Too many is when you feel that the number is bothering you.
I didn t have so much partners as my girlfriend.
She finds that she did well (25-30; she lost count), I had only 5; and never had the feeling that I missed something. We 're now 11years together and sometimes she ask me if I want another experience, escape. And I allways answer her with my standard question : perhaps, but is it that you will have a free ride to do it also?

 

[M40sumthng]

It's only a number. Why should it matter? My wife and I didn't meet until we were in our early 40's and she was separated from her 2nd husband. Before we got seriously involved, she made me aware of her promiscuous teen years and a 3 year period after her 1st divorce where she dated "a lot." Judging from the numbers that have been posted here, I have had more than the average number, while hers is over triple mine. Doesn't bother me a bit. Frankly, I am thankful for all that experience she gained as I am now the beneficiary of it.

 

[yoursgetsmine]

I don't think her body count should count. That was her past - you are her present and maybe her future. What she did before should have no bearing on what the relationship would be like for the two of you. By many people's standards (which is dwindling as the days go by) I have been with a conservative amount of women - from a male perspective.

I once proposed the question to some people and it didn't get a response - so I'll ask here. A woman who has sex with, for the sake of even numbers, let's say 10 men - over the course of 5 years. That equates to having sex with two different guys per year. Not a bad number for a single gal, right.

But what about the woman who has sex with 10 different guys over the course of 6 months? That's almost 2 different men per month. Sounds a little much, right?

But what's the difference? In my opinion, nothing. The numbers are the same - 10 different men. Period. So what does it really matter in the end? What matters is the woman who had sex with 10 men over the course of 5 years would be viewed as conservative while the woman who had sex with 10 men in 6 months would be viewed as a whore. But they're the same woman.

Your perception is your perception. If you think there should be a limit to the amount of sexual partners your current partner has had in the past, then do NOT ask! You might be given a number you didn't want to hear. But remember, you are then judging them according to their past. Do you want someone judging you according to your past?

Simba

So what's worse or more negative in an opinion regarding numbers of sexual partners....a woman who fucks 10 guys once each in her life (for a total of 10 fucks) or a woman who fucks one guy 10,000 times in her life (for a total of 10,000 fucks)?

You're right....numbers don't mean anything except that if you know beforehand, then you shouldn't be surprised or disappointed as you become more involved....and it does tell you something about a person's sexual appetite, openness, desires, needs, predisposition to please their partner, physical/sexual requirements, experience sexually, potential issues if their history is to "move on" after having brief or even prolonged sexual relationships, need to have several or simultaneous physical relationships, need to feel desired, etc., etc. OR just the fact they LOVE sex and either like a lot of orgasms or are still trying to find their first orgasm (which drives them to keep searching for that perfect partner).

 

[BigD_2]

LOL I hope nobody asks me, because I haven't exactly been viewing my sex life as a "counting game" and I haven't been notching my "body count" anywhere, so I wouldn't be able to answer if someone asks.

I don't think I've ever asked someone else either, because it's never been clear to me what difference it would make.

If I'm just looking for sex, then the only relevant questions about the other person are, Do I think they are hot?, and, Are they good in bed?

If I'm looking for a relationship that is based on a whole lot of other questions.

But in neither case does it really matter how much sex they've had before they met me.

 

[B_Bjen2848]

So what's worse or more negative in an opinion regarding numbers of sexual partners....a woman who fucks 10 guys once each in her life (for a total of 10 fucks) or a woman who fucks one guy 10,000 times in her life (for a total of 10,000 fucks)?

id rather have the girl who fucked 1 guy for 10,000 total "fucks"

 

[helgaleena]

id rather have the girl who fucked 1 guy for 10,000 total "fucks"

But if you were 100001, would you still feel this way? She might be very ignorant of what you like.

 

[Argonaut 1975]

But if you were 100001, would you still feel this way? She might be very ignorant of what you like.

Having sex 10,000 times with one person tells us two things. She likes sex and she likes being in a relationship (you can't do it 10,000 times in a ONS). That's good for a man interested in sex and a relationship.

Having sex once with ten different people raises the issue of whether she's really interested in you for a relationship or just a short term fling. Plus, ten times isn't that many. Maybe she doesn't really like sex either.

 

[petite]

Having sex 10,000 times with one person tells us two things. She likes sex and she likes being in a relationship (you can't do it 10,000 times in a ONS). That's good for a man interested in sex and a relationship.

Having sex once with ten different people raises the issue of whether she's really interested in you for a relationship or just a short term fling. Plus, ten times isn't that many. Maybe she doesn't really like sex either.

Whoa, it's not that simple! If she's only had sex with one guy 10,000 times then that could mean that she's recently left a LTR and she wants to experience the freedom of being a single woman for a while and so she's only interested in flings (I know so many women who have done this!), and a person who has had sex with 10 different people might be looking for a relationship because she's reached a point in her life where she's ready to settle down. Or maybe she's very picky, like me, and she has very high standards, so she doesn't want to marry until she's met the right guy, no matter how long that takes. You can't tell by just looking at the numbers because there are a lot of things that could be going on there.

Aren't things like whether she's interested in a relationship or a short fling better determined by talking to her than by analyzing how many people she's had sex with?

The answer is, "Yes."

 

[B_Bjen2848]

Having sex 10,000 times with one person tells us two things. She likes sex and she likes being in a relationship (you can't do it 10,000 times in a ONS). That's good for a man interested in sex and a relationship.

Having sex once with ten different people raises the issue of whether she's really interested in you for a relationship or just a short term fling. Plus, ten times isn't that many. Maybe she doesn't really like sex either.

pretty much my feeling ... a girl who has had sex with 1 guy on numerous occasions just shows that she is willing to have a healthy sex life in a relationship ... but a girl getting laid by a bunch of different guys with numerous ONS is a red flag when entering a relationship

 

[B_Bjen2848]

Whoa, it's not that simple! If she's only had sex with one guy 10,000 times then that could mean that she's recently left a LTR and she wants to experience the freedom of being a single woman for a while and so she's only interested in flings (I know so many women who have done this!), and a person who has had sex with 10 different people might be looking for a relationship because she's reached a point in her life where she's ready to settle down, or maybe she's very picky, like me, and she has very high standards, so she doesn't want to marry until she's met the right guy, no matter how long that takes. You can't tell by just looking at the numbers because there are a lot of things that could be going on there.

Aren't things like whether she's interested in a relationship or a short fling better determined by talking to her than by analyzing how many people she's had sex with?

while i agree with you that you need to figure out what she wants by asking her before hopping in a relationship, words dont hardly mean anything ... going by a someones past actions coupled with what comes out of their mouth is usually the best way to determine whether or not they are a worthy partner

 

[Argonaut 1975]

Sorry Miss Petite. I think we're talking across the gender divide on this one.

I've learned to trust (or distrust) what a woman does, not what she says.

 

[petite]

Sorry Miss Petite. I think we're talking across the gender divide on this one.

I've learned to trust (or distrust) what a woman does, not what she says.

If you don't trust the person that you're dating enough to answer honestly if she is interested in a LTR or a fling, then you shouldn't be considering a LTR with that person at all! What's the point of lying about that? Why would a woman who is only interested in a fling tell you that she wants more? That's a ridiculous level of distrust.

If that distrust extends to every person of the opposite gender, I'm afraid that one should consider remaining single until that issue is resolved.

I can't imagine considering a LTR with a man that I felt that kind of distrust for. That just seems wrong. And extremely unhealthy!

 

[kracker52]

my brother was married at 35..he claims to have fucked close to 400 women between the age of 18 and 35, I don't doubt that he has the ladies love him, the conversation came up with his wife about his past sexual history..he told her he has slept with 25 women ..that was enough to freek her out and the wedding almost didn't happen........God knows what would go down if she knew the truth...

 

[helgaleena]

Having sex 10,000 times with one person tells us two things. She likes sex and she likes being in a relationship (you can't do it 10,000 times in a ONS). That's good for a man interested in sex and a relationship.

Having sex once with ten different people raises the issue of whether she's really interested in you for a relationship or just a short term fling. Plus, ten times isn't that many. Maybe she doesn't really like sex either.

Turn this on its head. If I liked the looks of a man who had sex with only one woman before me, no matter how many times or how few, I'd know he was going to have a bunch of habits that might stand in the way of his pleasing me because I was not that woman. And Bjen didn't say he was looking for a relationship.

No, whoever I have sex with had better be willing to learn what pleases me, or we won't have much fun, the first time at least. And willingness to learn has nothing to do with simple repetition.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

If we both are in love with each other and want to be together, it doesn't make any difference at all. The more important question would be how's the other person's health in terms of STDs? I'd be more interested in that.