How many kinds of 'tards can you come up with?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by B_dxjnorto, May 1, 2007.

  1. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    Members of this forum are great at coming up with new word combinations with 'tard (from Latin tardus meaning slow of course). Hence we have fucktard for a slow fuck and ass tard for a slow ass.

    That's all I know. Are there others?
     
  2. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    wanktard

    shittard

    cunttard

    pisstard

    farttard

    bast-tard

    cuss-tard

    Please continue. :rolleyes:
     
  3. Big Dreamer

    Big Dreamer New Member

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    Hungtard........ someone with a massive schlong that behaves like such an idiot (in LPSG) that it overrides any fringe benefits that the big cock may have offered.
     
  4. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    All excellent examples of slow functions. Does anyone have some pictures?
     
  5. IntoxicatingToxin

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    I've always liked "Bitchtard"
     
  6. Big Dreamer

    Big Dreamer New Member

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    How ignorant of me to forget some of the 'wonderful ladies' that TROLL these parts. Good one, Meg.
     
  7. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    If you don't have time to visit any LPSG galleries recently given frankly despicable '10' ratings by Uncut, then... :rolleyes:
     

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  8. dongalong

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    Steady-on!!!! That is the worst C-word that I have ever heard!:eek:
     
  9. madame_zora

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    Many exotic variations of the beloved fucktard have been emerging. We've already noted the development from fucktard to asstard, but more recently, I saw "asstart", which brought a smile to my grinch-like face.

    Then, there's the ever-popular asshat. Seriously, how can you not laugh thinking about that one?

    DMW popularised the ass-pirate, but I'm pretty sure the intentions there were quite different.:wink:

    There's fuckwit and shitwit to consider as synonyms.

    Cockbites, shitstains, fuckbrains, turd-burglars (how DOES one burgle a turd?) and dickweeds abound, in all their glorious colours. God knows we have a garden full of them here, with new varieties being discovered every day.
     
  10. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    How come the Incredible Hoff's 'tard is not in the pictures?
     
  11. Lordpendragon

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    Polltard was I believe coined by some incredible british hottie - aka Moi :biggrin1:
     
  12. Lordpendragon

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    Fucking hell Alex - I'm going to piss my pants.
     
  13. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    Diapertard! :eek:

    Ewwww... erm... well, there's an incredibly obscure 1991 movie called "Gross Out" which answers that very question. It involves a group of Los Angeles-based fetishists (led, incidently, by a Divine impersonator) with a taste for oral turd-teasing. Shit, that film still gives me nightmares, and actually lived up to the rank promise of its title. :puke:

    Voilà --->
     

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  14. Mr. Snakey

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    I give everybody a 10. I dont have the heart to give anything less.:smile: :wink:
     
  15. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    How 'bout this for a reminiscent taste from the old country? :rolleyes:
     

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  16. Big Dreamer

    Big Dreamer New Member

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    I'm not exactly sure how you pull it off, Madame Zora. You can be an absolute pottymouth, but there's always unique phrasing and surrounding verbage that lends eloquence to words like 'shitstains'. If I type vulgarities, I don't have the light touch that you do with them and they end up sounding like......vulgarities. You have a unique and talented approach to the written word, to say the least.
     
  17. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    There you go. It looks like he popped his 'tard [poptart/d(?)]

    You got any from other languages Alex?
     
  18. madame_zora

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    Aww, you make me blush.

    I just can't resist the opportunity to repost this masterpiece my daughter and I came up with:




    Suck my dick. Suck my dick through a convenience store spoon-straw. Suck my dick til my head explodes. While you're at it, suck my asshole. Just be sure not to forget to suck. My. Dick.

    In the immortal words of the late, great Wesley Willis, suck a race horse's bootyhole.

    Suck dead donkey dicks. Suck live donkey dicks. Suck my dick like you're one of Jerry's kids, sucking for the antidote. Suck my dick like you're suck-starting a Harley. Suck my dick like you're trying to suck chrome off the motherfucking tailpipe.

    Suck my dick like you don't get free refills. Suck my dick with meaning and purpose. Suck my dick with the devotion an elderly, deaf/mute nun has for our lord, Jesus Christ.

    Suck my dick like it's national Steak and Blowjob day. Suck my dick like you'll get a coupon afterwards for $0.10 off Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Crackers (when you buy a dozen). Suck my dick like you was raised in the ghetto and there's grape drink inside. Sugar. Water. Purple.

    Suck my dick like you'se payin' the rent. Suck my dick like there's a bitchslap coming to you if you don't do a good enough job. Ho. Suck my dick like you're going for Olympic Gold, representing all of America's Synchronized Deepthroating team after a tragic airplane crash that forced them all into cannibalism... It's all up to you, man... Bottom of the ninth... Time to suck that dick like a choirboy that's been given a whole dollar not to tell mommy.

    Suck my dick like that promotion depends on it. That glass ceiling ain't gonna break itself, now is it, toots? That's right, on your knees, smile like a doughnut. And fondle my balls while you're at it... That's right, twaddle them around like the awe-inspiring orbs of sheer perfection that they are. Note that they are smooth as eggs. This is all for you, my cock hungry, dick sucking slut.

    That's right... Take that carpet python deep into your phlegmy love canal. Feel that surge of shame and glory as it swirls into your gullet in the form of my exquisite semen.

    Suck my fucking dick. I may have confused you there with that previous tangent... Allow me to set us back on the right track, the path of righteousness. Keep your eye on the prize, here, Junior... Suck my dick. While you're at it, suck Bill Clinton's dick. All the cool kids are doing it. Suck my dick like the fate of the world, nay, UNIVERSE is riding on it. Just like I'll be riding your face, cocksucker.

    Suck my fucking dick. Suck my fucking, goddamn dick. Suck my fucking, goddamn, shit-drenched dick. Suck my fucking, goddamn, shit-drenched, smegma marinated dick, you cum guzzling gutter slut. Suck my fucking, goddamn, shit-drenched, smegma marinated, booger smeared dick, you cum guzzling, $2 gutter slut in polyester pants.

    Knock, knock. Who's there? My dick. My dick who? Suck it, bitch.

    Break's over, time to suck my dick. Hop to it, chop chop. We're burning daylight here, people. Precious moments where the aforesaid party, hereafter referred to as "you," could be sucking the penis that shall be hereafter referred to as "mine."

    Suck my dick like the two of us are stranded on a desert island, and through the illusion of a mirage, you mistake it for a vessel containing the elixir necessary for your very survival. Suck my dick like you rolled a 20 or something in D & D and somehow your Slutwench has to suck off my Cockwizard, while simultaneously casting a healing spell. I call D.M., chulo.

    Suck my dick like you've lost some kind of contest or another and you have to pretend to be Liberace for a day.

    Suck my dick in drag on Fountain Square. Suck my dick in front of the Lincoln Memorial. Suck my dick on one of the Great Sphynx's paws. Suck my dick on the constellation Draco. Suck my dick in the Crab Nebula. Suck my dick like you're searching for truth, justice, and the American way. Niggas.

    "Suck my dick," said the prickety prick, a persnickety, crickety, rickety prick.
    "I do not suck Green Dicks and Spam™, I do not, will not, Mr. Shammity Sham."
    "Nonsense, come and suck this dick," and he drew out his cock, and he drew it out quick, "now onto the floor, I say, don't be shy. And suck my old dick, go on, give it a try! Suck it like you need a meal, suck it with a burst of zeal! Suck it 'til the shit turns teal! Suck it for me, here and there, suck it through my underwear. Suck it for me, day and night, suck it with your lips so tight. Suck it with a fashionable flair, until I shoot it in your hair. Yes, you've got it! Here's the spunk! Enough that it should get you drunk! I'll fill your tummy with my goo, and, perhaps, your eyeballs, too!"

    In closing, without further ado, forsaking all others,
    SUCK MY DICK.

    Thnx,

    Mgmt
     
  19. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    Written like a true 'tard Zora. Here's something I found a long time ago along in that vein.
    __________________________

    When your on liquid poop
    And you feel something gloop
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea
    When your sitting on the pot,
    And you feel something hot
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea
    When Your Shopping at the gap
    And you feel something like crap
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea
    You feel a bubble in your tushie,
    Then your seeing something squishy.
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea
    When you're sitting with your date,
    And on his ass you see what he ate...
    Diarrhea... No good night kiss?... diarrhea
    When your shitting in the dirt
    And it come out with a squirt
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea
    When your some place and poop in your pants
    And you go "oh no I pooped in my pants" cause you did and it smells bad
    This didn’t rhyme well at all
    When you are trying to make an invention to get some attention
    Something really smelly gets their attention more than the invention
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea
    When you're playing putt putt
    And it's actually coming out your butt!
    Diarrhea... hole in one ... diarrhea
    I am gay I am gay
    Cause I always poop out hay
    With a nick knack patty whack give a dog a bone now I’ll be going home
    Oops I pooped again
    It wasn't my fault I just had a halt oh baby
    Diarrhea....Britney.... diarrhea
    U know the rhyme "artsy fartsy"
    Well, it's true... my friend was painting,
    When she was done she & I were very stunned here her art was instead of on paper it was on the floor!!!
    When your floating up in space
    And you see it hit your face
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea
    When you're feeling great romance,
    And liquid down you're pants,
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea
    When you're surfin the web,
    And you feel something wet,
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea
    When you're in the living room,
    And you hear a great big BOOM!
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea
    When you are running from the tag
    And your pants start to sag
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea
    When YOU GO OUT LATE AT NIGHT
    And NOT A RESTROOM IN SIGHT
    Don’t FORGET YOUR BOX OF HANDY WIPES
    It WAS THE FOURTH OF JULY
    And WE ALL WERE EATING FAST
    Then WE HEARD THE BIG BLAST JUST TO FIND OUT IT WAS MY ASS
    You WERE GOING A LITTLE FAST
    I STARTED TO GET WET FROM MY ASS
    ... diarrhea
    Ex lax the sweet treat
    Makes you wet from your ass to your feet
    Diarrhea... wow . diarrhea
    When u r on your computer
    And u feel a big tooter make sure its not :
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea
    The first time I had diarrhea I thought It was just a little tiny fart but...
    It was more like
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea...lets go now I have a cold...or is it the hotts, just runnig down my legs
    Oops...I though he had poops
    it wasn't poops it was watery
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea
    It is very mean to make fun of diarrea because I hate it
    It smells
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea
    When you're usin the urination station
    And you feel a chunk
    Diarrhea... PLUNK PLUNK...diarrhea
    When you're feelin kinda queasy
    And you're crap comes out too easy
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea
    Defying the laws of inertia
    Your own poop begins to squirt cha
    Diarrhea... cha cha cha... diarrhea
    Some LIKE IT COLD
    Some LIKE IT HOT
    But WHEN ITS FROM YOUR ASS ITS ROT
    When your sitting in a ford
    And it comes out like a board
    It’s not Diarrhea... cha cha cha... not diarrhea
     
  20. Big Dreamer

    Big Dreamer New Member

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    *Embarassed that I got mildly aroused reading MZ's dicksucking rant.* I'm not sure if it was all the oral sex references that got me, or if it's because a mother and daughter tag teamed to formulate the above masterpiece.
     
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