How many of you think you are fabulous in bed?

D_Anne_T_Freeze

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I meet a lot of guys and all of them think they are fantastic in bed. Unfortunately few of them are. I can only assume it's because other women have told them they are. Now with my guys i get it because they are normally very young and i know that young girls are quite insecure and don't want to tell a guy he sucks incase they fly off the handle or start horrible rumours about them in retaliation, but apart from being told, how do you judge your performance?

Edit : I feel the need to elaborate When i say very young, i mean between 20 and 25.
 

citr

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tbh I'm not sure I have ever thought of myself as good or bad. I try to just get feedback and adjust to that. I try to keep the lines of communication open, I guess.

Honestly I've always been a little puzzled by guys who claim this. Like they have a gadget dick or something.

I worry more about what kind of sex leads to the couple resenting each other, or dreading the sex. A common theme through the stories of my wife's friends' past relationships is that a lack of communication tends to doom the sex. I try to foster an environment where she doesn't feel like she has to hold back on telling me about something that doesn't work. And to her credit, she has never been the type to hold back. :smile:
 

JC8

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The answer to this question should never be offered to anyone; you're only as great as your last lover thought you were (or thinks you are, if you have problems establishing boundaries ... in which case you're probably fantastic in the sack; word of caution - hide the sharp items and don't bring up the parents).

On point, back we go:

As great as your last lover thinks

Your last lover thought

Last lover

Last

Moving on ...

Otherwise, I suspect the low rate of delivery compared to the high rate of promise could be linked to the "Dunning-Kruger" effect:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning–Kruger_effect

The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability much higher than average. This bias is attributed to a metacognitive inability of the unskilled to recognize their mistakes.[1]

Actual competence may weaken self-confidence, as competent individuals may falsely assume that others have an equivalent understanding.


P.S. I'm average at my most delusional, and terrible when brutally honest, but Dunning-Kruger also makes a smashing one-cup coffee machine; when all else fails, rest easy knowing I'll make you a mea-culpa-joe, a small token to repent for my disastrous performance.
 
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Remington

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Nah, I don't think or claim to be some sex god or "fabulous" in bed. I believe that's a very arrogant, foolish, and disingenuous mindset to have. Not to mention would harm one in the long run when it comes to partners.

As far as judging my performance besides her telling me? Main ways are by how I take what I know/learned about her (Likes, dislikes, kinks, etc) and how well I can apply it. Along with how often she desires to get with me, and how enthusiastic & eager she is.
 

D_Anne_T_Freeze

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I would judge my competence in bed by a few things. How hard he gets and how quickly, how he physically reacts when we're in bed. how long he wants to stay and how often he wants to return. How frequently we have sex while in his company and how often he initiates sex. But then there is no way to read a persons mind so i suppose none of us can ever be sure. I know i've never told a guy he was good when he wasn't. And i would say that with women, the return visits are a good indicator but with men, well most men are prepared to fuck anyone if their choices are limited or they're drunk or just hard really! lol! I suppode the best plan is just not to comment on your prowess. A shame the younger generation has yet to learn that. When a guy makes a statement on his prowess my response is always "Do you know how many times i've heard that? And they're almost always wrong. So hang on to your ego boy coz you're about to get the truth."
 

D_Anne_T_Freeze

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Oh?

And women never get drunk and horny?

I get drunk and horny fairly regularly however my standards in men are not affected. And i have admissions in writing from men who have slept with hideous women and then say "she's not my type at all but i was bored/drunk/horny." they seem to think that makes it better.
 

citr

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Some men have standards as well.

Honestly the idea of assesing sexual competency sounds completely nerve-wracking to me. And very strange. I just see it as an organic process between two people. There is no standardized test.
 

D_Anne_T_Freeze

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Some men have standards as well.

Honestly the idea of assesing sexual competency sounds completely nerve-wracking to me. And very strange. I just see it as an organic process between two people. There is no standardized test.

Oh i'm not suggesting they don't! Not by any standard! Unfortunately i come across a lot who don't. But then i suppose the standard of men on dating sites and swinging sites isn't parallel with every man on the street.
 

socalfreak

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Am I fantastic in bed?....
My best response to that would be: " ask my gf.".
I think I do a good job for her/ us, based on her physical responses and verbal communication . .. she's referred to me as being " best ever", in private and public.
It's a pretty straightforward formula: ask her what she wants, listen to what she wants, do what she wants.
 

D_Anne_T_Freeze

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Am I fantastic in bed?....
My best response to that would be: " ask my gf.".
I think I do a good job for her/ us, based on her physical responses and verbal communication . .. she's referred to me as being " best ever", in private and public.
It's a pretty straightforward formula: ask her what she wants, listen to what she wants, do what she wants.

Another great response. It's nice to have been away for a while and come back to well considered, honest responses. It's good to be back!
 

simbablk

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Well I'm pretty good at reading non-verbal and verbal cues that clue me in to what feels good - what's working and what isn't. Doesn't mean I'm "fabulous", but it certainly helps with her perception of me

Simba
 

Sagecucumber

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I think I'm fantastic in bed!

In all objectiveness, I think I have to be great at oral. I've had lots of practice, I love it and I'm passionate about it. I think that's a combination that has to amount to me being quite good. The only negative is I've only gone down on one woman in 20 years so it could be my skills are honed to one woman and maybe another woman would take some adjusting. I happen to think I'd manage.

For fucking, I still think I'm great but I do see areas for improvement. Sometimes I can fuck as long as I want but there are times I have trouble lasting. My wife and I don't use birth control so I can't cum inside her and there are times I have to stop when she needs me to keep going. I see her frustration but in the end I always come through for her. Usually I just need to take a break for a minute then start up again. If I see it's hopeless, I'll never bring her to orgasm without cumming myself, I will just go down on her so she gets her climax.

Another weak area for me is dirty talk. I hate saying the same thing over and over but when I try to get creative we both end up laughing. I don't know how I'm going to improve in that department.

I do pass the repeat test. I've never had sex just once with a girl. Even when I was single and on business trips, one nighters were always multiple times in the one night. I pass it with my wife. We've been together 20 years and we still get together about 250 times a year. I actually noted on the calendar every time we had sex for one year and it was 248 times. That's a lot of repeat business from my wife!
 

hsarge

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You can't be good, if you haven't got experience. When you are young it is all testosterone and finding you way. Like any art form, you need talent, a method, and practice. There is a reason an artist sketches before painting. And you need experience with different mediums. All women are not water colors. Some are oils. Ones needs to know what strokes work on canvas, plaster, wood, etc. if you are monogamous, you can perfect one medium. But women come in many 'mediums'. You can't be good when you start, maybe lucky. If you are 'good in bed', you have to know how to read women's responses, and that means many and different types of women. Most of us do not have the prerequisite training to make such a haughty claim. But the education is enjoyable.
 
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D_Anne_T_Freeze

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You can't be good, if you haven't got experience. When you are young it is all testosterone and finding you way. Like any art form, you need talent, a method, and practice. There is a reason an artist sketches before painting. And you need experience with different mediums. All women are not water colors. Some are oils. Ones needs to know what stokes work on canvas, plaster, wood, etc. if you are monogamous, you can perfect one medium. But women come in many 'mediums'. You can't be good when you start, maybe lucky. If you are 'good in bed', you have to know how to read women's responses, and that means many and different types of women. Most of us do not have the prerequisite training to make such a haughty claim. But the education is enjoyable.

hsarge, i think i love you...