How many people have chosen you to come out to?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_New End, Aug 26, 2007.

  1. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    A friend came out to me a while back, I knew it was coming, and I listened to him ramble for about an hour. I had suspected, but he was completely in the closet, (and still very much is). He says he never will have sex. But that's a tad off-topic.

    I just felt, kind of honored, that he would give me this secret.

    I am in no way in gay culture or anything, but yeah. That's my story. Just curious if some people have people come out to them all the time, or if people have had a friend come out to them before, and how they felt about it.
     
  2. arliss

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    help me out here...humor me if you will....you say you are 100% straight...and i am quite sure you carry yourself that way (?) ...ok follow me so far...? now your friend.....in a desire to disclose his homosexuality chooses you....this is where I am stuck...why would he choose you? does he see you as a role model? surely not you are 100% straight...what does he feel will change now that you know he is gay? does he feel it wil strengthen the bond between the two of you...? does he feel he might be able to fuck your brains out or give you a quickie from time to time? what do you think was his motive for telling you? surey he had one..most gays i know do not go around disclosing to straight men without ulterior motives.....you felt honored? do not be so quick to say so...perhaps he feels that you are in the closet and his disclosure will help open your door..and umm perhaps let you out so to speak lol....maybe his gaydar is transmittting at high frequency
     
  3. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    He wanted to get it off his chest... he probably wanted me to stop giving him tips on picking up women. :p

    I can't really go into much detail, as it is a secret.
     
  4. arliss

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    I smell bullshit!!! a secret ? from whom? we are strangers and you have not named him.. .and if you suspected he was gay then why were you giving him tips on picking up women? ...curious that you would label it a secret (conveniently used) yet disclose it on here...be careful with the bullshit as I have a sensitive nose and can pick it up right away...
     
  5. Principessa

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    Not all the time; but twice in my life male friends have revealed their homosexuality to me. Two I pretty much knew were gay, but the other one shocked me big time with his revelation.
     
  6. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    Hey, believe what you want pal. I am not one to lie about anything though.

    And we are strangers, but I like this board. I might not always be a stranger.

    I was giving him tips on picking up women because we talk alot, about everything, all the time. Allthough he is not my best friend, I am his best friend. He's a real loner.

    But really, why would I come to this board, and make this shit up?
     
  7. DC_DEEP

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    My situation doesn't really fit into your scenario.

    When I came out some years ago, I came all the way out. So when someone comes out to me, it's because they feel safe in doing so, almost sort of a "mentor" kind of thing. I'm not "obvious" or flaming, but I refuse to go to any lengths at all to hide it. If someone asks me, "Are you gay?" I just simply say "Yes."

    Arliss, the OPs friend may have come out to him just because he felt he could trust him. It may have had nothing at all to do with "gaydar," it may have had nothing to do with wanting to start up a sexual side of the relationship. The first person I came out to was a straight female friend. If I had been that close to a straight male at the time, I would have come out to him first.
     
  8. fratpack

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    New End, welcome, haven't seen you before.
    I would have to say that I've been out as far back as I remember. The way I was brought up, my parents were very supportive of their children, so it was never really an issue. I was always out and never made a secret of it.
    As for why your buddy chose you....who cares but he did and obviously he trusts you and believes you would be understanding to him. You two must be good friends and that is all that matters.
    And yeah, I guess the thing about you giving him tips on picking up girls would be annoying to him after a while....LOL.:cool: :smile:
    Stay cool.
    (love your pic, btw)
     
  9. lvsxy808

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    The only time I've ever had someone come out to me was an old school friend. He came out to me because, a) I was his friend, and b) I had come out to all my friends some years before.

    It's a long time since I've had to "come out" to anybody. By which I mean that I have no compunction about telling anybody what I've been up to, mentioning my boyfriend quite freely, as if it's simply already an established fact. No "announcement" is necessary. Hairdressers, taxi drivers, cable guys - if the subject under discussion involves mentioning my partner in passing, so be it.

    Arliss, I think you're way off base, and perhaps projecting just a little bit.
     
  10. silvertriumph2

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    Two of my best friends came out to me.

    One I went to univerity with and we were frat brothers. The other had lived across the street from me since childhood, was a jet pilot in the US
    Air Force and was engaged to my sister.

    The three of us have been close friends since grammar school days, almost like brothers. I had always had an idea that one was gay (the frat bro.), but never would have believed it about the one engaged to my sister...the star high school quarter back, prom King, and now an Air Force pilot.

    Since I was married, the frat brother came to me asking for advice. He
    had been engaged for about 2 years and was having second thoughts about his wedding, which was just 5 months away. We had been sitting in the yard drinking beer and he got a bit tipsy. All three of us had "played around", as we called it when we were 12 or so years old, and then again at about 15. He got a bit high on the beer and finally broke down crying and said he was worried that he was gay and was afraid he was making a big mistake by getting married. He wanted to know, since we had done what we had done when we were kids, if my marriage was a happy one. I had never told anyonel that I was gay or bi, but since we had a history, I immediately told him that I was bi. He cried even more! I told him, no, my marriage was a very happy one. After some talk, he left, broke off his engagement and is now happily living in Arizona with his lover. We still keep in touch.

    The friend who was engaged to my sister came to me worried that if he broke off the engagement that he would lose my friendship. He then explained that in any case I probably would not want his friendship when he told me the reason. He blurted out "I'm gay and don't want to marry your sister and don't know how to break it off. I'm afraid that you are going to hate me now", and then he also broke down and cried.

    I assured him that I could never hate him and that we would always be friends. Then I dropped the "bomb shell" and told him that I too was gay, or bi. Well, I'm not ashammed to say that both of us were crying by that time!

    I sure hope it doesn't happen again. It's too nerve wracking!
     
  11. conchis

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    when I was sixteen at school there were these two boys, both very feminine.
    I was into punk rock scene and loved freedom, so I told them I seriously think that you are fags, why don't you tell it proudly to the world?
    One of them answered Yes, I am, thanks for the support.
    The other one admitted it only the past year, after several years, when he left the wife and two kids for his new true love: a man.
     
  12. pdsover

    pdsover New Member

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    Year after highschool my best mate came out to me, two years before I did. He was freaking out about it..but i just let him get everything off his chest. The hardest part was watching the anger and frustration for him when he came out to his parents, not the easiest thing to do coming from a religous background.

    Since, then quite a few people have been comfortable enough to come out to me or even discuss the coming out issue, which in turn helps them come out. I'm there to support them as friends, no matter what the sexuality.
     
  13. canuck_pa

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    New End,

    Your friend paid you a very big compliment by entrusting you with his secret. Your friendship must be very important to him.
     
  14. Mattness

    Mattness New Member

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    Yeah, you come out to people for various reasons - sometimes out of anger. One time, I came out to a friend right after High School because he was using the word "gay" as an adjective for "retarded", such as, "what are you, gay?" when we were talking about something.

    I said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I am!". That sure stopped the conversation! After the shock wore off a few weeks later, he confided in me that he was too!
     
  15. RedBear

    RedBear New Member

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    He could easily have come out to you since he trusted you and felt as though you would respect his secret. When I first started coming out, I chose those I told very carefully, not because I wanted to get into their pants but because I felt they would support me and protect my closet.

    Ignore Arliss.
     
  16. silvertriumph2

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    pdsover

    Great pics and a really impressive, thick dick!

    You are a good friend, and there should be more like you. You are a good man.
     
  17. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Just one and he and I have still never met in person. I've been part of a little chat room for over a decade, knowing everyone there for as long. Some are adults, others were kids when the room started-up as a place to talk about the Daggerfall CRPG. It's been a good group and we've all become friends. For a lot of the kids there, I became something of a mentor being that I was 12 or 15 years older than they were. Many had absentee parents or just wanted an adult other than their parents to talk to. The room is still going and they've all grown-up to fine young men. I'd like to think I had in that.

    One of these kids had just received his first blow job ever from a girl he roomed with at his high school prom. He just couldn't get it up for her and this had him very worried. That summer was miserable for him in a few ways and after a lot of late-night chats he IM'd me while fairly drunk and kept telling me over and over what a bad person he was and how he wasn't worth anything and everyone will hate him.

    As he put it, "What's the worst possible thing you could be? The most horrible awful thing in the world?"

    "A child molester or murderer?"

    "No, really. What's THE worst thing?"

    That was the essence of our exchange and demonstrates with the saddest poignancy what so many gay youth believe about themselves. He then told me how he would always be my friend and understood if I'd hate him now for what he was going to tell me. Then it clicked in my brain and I realized, 'He's trying to come out to me.'

    "Are you trying to tell me you're gay?"

    "Yes."

    "Oh. Then good for you! That's great news! Congratulations on coming out!"

    That blew him away. He's from bumfeck Missouri and his parents are religious plus he's adopted so he was absolutely positive his parents would throw him out and disown him. As I'm quite a bit older than he is, I told him to do what he had to but if he got thrown out to call me collect and I'd send him bus fare and he could come stay with me if that happened. No friend of mine was going to be sleeping on the streets. We worked it out and made a plan. Two fairly intense days of waiting later I heard from him and he was a different person. His mom wasn't pleased but she told him she'd love him no matter what. His dad was much less accepting however he didn't get thrown out.

    Now he's a happy bear living in Chicago, leading an openly gay life, and infinitely happier. He's lost 160 lbs, has a good job, and like many of us, is going through the trials of finding the right person.

    Coming out is a nightmare for so many people and the more I looked into it, the more I saw that just shocked me. My family is very well-educated, politically conservative, but socially liberal, and coming out for me wasn't nearly so bad. Still less so because I do live in downstate New York where being gay isn't a big deal. Both my parents are Unitarians so that should give you an idea.

    I don't like to plug many things. I will this once. If you have some spare change or time on your hands, please check out The Trevor Project. They run a national hotline for GLBT youth who are considering suicide or have nowhere to go. They do a lot of good work. I discovered them on the DVD for Latter Days a great film that deals with a gay youth coming out in the most trying circumstances (Sandvoss is such a cutie).

    The film was banned by Madstone Theaters, a cinema chain in Utah, which claimed it was "not up to our artistic quality."
     
  18. submit452

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    In my case I didn't really have too as most people close to me could see I was bisexual and they really didn't care and accepted me anyway.
     
  19. Happytheman420

    Happytheman420 New Member

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    Likewise.
     
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