How much should I tell my new girlfriend?

Charlie14

Just Browsing
Joined
May 27, 2005
Posts
312
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
161
Ladies... as someone who feels deeply in love and wanting to progress in a serious relationship I am wondering how much I should tell her about my past...

I feel I am a different person now than in the past... and I am worried if I tell her even a 10th of the things I did when I was younger she will never see me the same.

What should I do?
 

Charlie14

Just Browsing
Joined
May 27, 2005
Posts
312
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
161
No.. lol I just mean sexually... she is very inexperienced and young... I was the type of guy who would do some really crazy things sexually. Also...I had things happen with family members as well. Some very disturbing things (done to me).

I can't imagine how she would react if she heard even a small portion of it now. Like I said I feel like I am a completely different person.
 

AlteredEgo

Mythical Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2006
Posts
19,176
Media
37
Likes
26,249
Points
368
Location
Hello (Sud-Ouest, Burkina Faso)
Sexuality
No Response
If they somehow come out later (how? Do you sleeptalk?) you tell her the truth- it is none of her business. Dont tell lies, but refuse to talk about the past. Duh. Unless you have caught an incurable disease in that murky past, she really doesn't need to know.
 

lustybustybbw

Cherished Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Aug 13, 2013
Posts
81
Media
31
Likes
256
Points
268
Location
USA
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
If it does come up, Charlie, that's when you acknowledge that you may have been a bit wild in the past, but you feel like you have changed before you met her & are not that person now. DO NOT go into details,but don't lie. If she presses it, then you can always point out that if you were still that person, she would likely not been attracted to you and you two would not be dating. If she still can't get past whatever has come up, then she is not the right person/mature enough for a relationship with you. Your past is your past. It is what makes you YOU. Think about how you might handle any secrets of hers, too.
 

Charlie14

Just Browsing
Joined
May 27, 2005
Posts
312
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
161
If they somehow come out later (how? Do you sleeptalk?) you tell her the truth- it is none of her business. Dont tell lies, but refuse to talk about the past. Duh. Unless you have caught an incurable disease in that murky past, she really doesn't need to know.


It just seems like everything comes out at some point.. like nothing can be kept secret.

Plus there is stuff that happened in my family that is difficult to avoid... that she could push for answers later or even hear from family members.

I guess I feel like deep down that maybe I don't deserve to be with someone "normal"... like I'm "damaged goods" and nothing can change that.
 

Charlie14

Just Browsing
Joined
May 27, 2005
Posts
312
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
161
If it does come up, Charlie, that's when you acknowledge that you may have been a bit wild in the past, but you feel like you have changed before you met her & are not that person now. DO NOT go into details,but don't lie. If she presses it, then you can always point out that if you were still that person, she would likely not been attracted to you and you two would not be dating. If she still can't get past whatever has come up, then she is not the right person/mature enough for a relationship with you. Your past is your past. It is what makes you YOU. Think about how you might handle any secrets of hers, too.



That sounds like good advice to me. Maybe if I am honest about it then she will trust me more later if things do come out.
 

helgaleena

Sexy Member
Joined
Sep 8, 2006
Posts
5,475
Media
7
Likes
43
Points
193
Location
Wisconsin USA
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Female
Wait until it comes up in the course of time, and then be honest. I know you want your relationship to deepen, but the wonderful thing is, once it is deeper and stronger her capacity to accept and understand will also be stronger! And if it so happens that your relationship does not deepen, you will not be giving her unhappy things to associate with you. Let the relationship develop on its own and try not to worry about 'what if'.
 

Charlie14

Just Browsing
Joined
May 27, 2005
Posts
312
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
161
Wait until it comes up in the course of time, and then be honest. I know you want your relationship to deepen, but the wonderful thing is, once it is deeper and stronger her capacity to accept and understand will also be stronger! And if it so happens that your relationship does not deepen, you will not be giving her unhappy things to associate with you. Let the relationship develop on its own and try not to worry about 'what if'.

What if she asks me about things though.... she has already started this and I have not been totally honest.

Things like "how many girls have you been with" "how old were you your first time" etc.
 

Charlie14

Just Browsing
Joined
May 27, 2005
Posts
312
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
161
This is the way stories go. They are all your story. Tell her it's a can of worms! Most people have something. Give her a chance to understand you.

What if I say that we shouldn't be sexual until we get married? This way maybe it isn't brought up and if I am not pushing her for sex maybe later when she finds the truth she will know that I can control my urges... though she could maybe think I am getting sex with someone else just not with her.
 

SprinkleMe69

Expert Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 26, 2010
Posts
7,459
Media
0
Likes
244
Points
223
Verification
View
Sexuality
No Response
Some things are a natural curiosity in any type of relationship and that's when people ask questions. But do keep in mind that your past is just that, your past. Unless you have an STD that will harm her, what is to be discussed? Just keep your answers brief and there will be a time when the questions need to stop.
 

Serial Kisser

Legendary Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2009
Posts
3,276
Media
6
Likes
1,568
Points
258
Location
South of Sanity
Sexuality
No Response
What if I say that we shouldn't be sexual until we get married? This way maybe it isn't brought up and if I am not pushing her for sex maybe later when she finds the truth she will know that I can control my urges... though she could maybe think I am getting sex with someone else just not with her.

You can't be serious.
 

Charlie14

Just Browsing
Joined
May 27, 2005
Posts
312
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
161
Some things are a natural curiosity in any type of relationship and that's when people ask questions. But do keep in mind that your past is just that, your past. Unless you have an STD that will harm her, what is to be discussed? Just keep your answers brief and there will be a time when the questions need to stop.

What if she doesn't feel that way?

Maybe I could find out in a low key way... like ask her generally about how she would feel if she felt someone had a past that they weren't up-front about...

But I need to do it in a way where I don't make her too suspicious. I am terrible with this kind of stuff though -- being subtle.
 
Last edited:

AlteredEgo

Mythical Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2006
Posts
19,176
Media
37
Likes
26,249
Points
368
Location
Hello (Sud-Ouest, Burkina Faso)
Sexuality
No Response
Never lie. The truth is you don't want to talk about it, and it's none of her business. Just grow a spine and fell her so. If anyon brings It up, silence them. If she asks others about it behind your back, she has insufficient respect for you. Are You a man, or a guppy?