Ok guys so its time for an update...
Said man has now come out to his "homophobic" brother (who doesn't judge - as if that's still the way to think about these things in 2014 - but its a very good start), he told his brother about "us" and he doesn't seem phased, and now has arranged to come and visit me for a 2 week holiday next month - where we will be alone and uninterrupted by anything/anyone for the first time in a very long time.
He says he doesn't want to put a label on his sexuality, but we have been fantasising about being with a girl together, and of course lots of sexting and video swapping in the mean time as I am so far away (yes I know I said I would give him space, but it was impossible when I saw progress happening so fast I didn't want to loose that opportunity or appear aloof)... having said that, last night he says he has been having dreams (not nightmares - I double checked that with him) of coming out to his friends, introducing to me to his friends as his boyfriend and generally being "Facebook official" I told him the timing is not right as I have recently broken up with an ex, and it will look very sudden, which of course it is not...
SO I think there has been some really good progress in terms of him accepting himself in the last few weeks, and to be honest, I really think the drug Cilift help him overcome his panic attacks and be more receptive to some of my communication which he might have otherwise thought was too controlling. He has written and said some very sweet things and I am honestly blown away. He said he has stopped the drug now, so I am hoping things stay on an even keel but who knows.
LPSG has made me understand so much of what to discount, and what to take seriously. For a long time I honestly thought he was 90% straight and that his attraction to me was just a horny curiosity (or simple need for attention) and that could not commit to me for that reason, but its not the case at all. His is 100% bi, and on telling him that I think he is the one for me, he wrote back saying: "The more I think about it, u might just be the one for me too"... So while in no way any commitment, at least he's thinking about that...
I am coming to the conclusion as well, in discussions with his sister and him, that what I thought was merely issues to do with confused sexual identity was actually a lot more complex, in that there are serious commitment phobia issues too, which may never be sorted but I know now not to take it personally...
What has been of interest to me too is that according to the experts Commitment Phobics tend to seek out the SAME! Which could be a reflection on me and this entire relationship in the first place, but does not take away from my attraction, affection and love for him. We have both been through childhood trauma and bonded over that in DEEP discussions recently which he says has made him want me even more he says. Maybe I should have lifted my skirt on those things earlier but its not my style.
Anyway...this is where we are today.
Thanks for your support and advice guys! an update after our holiday ; )
Said man has now come out to his "homophobic" brother (who doesn't judge - as if that's still the way to think about these things in 2014 - but its a very good start), he told his brother about "us" and he doesn't seem phased, and now has arranged to come and visit me for a 2 week holiday next month - where we will be alone and uninterrupted by anything/anyone for the first time in a very long time.
He says he doesn't want to put a label on his sexuality, but we have been fantasising about being with a girl together, and of course lots of sexting and video swapping in the mean time as I am so far away (yes I know I said I would give him space, but it was impossible when I saw progress happening so fast I didn't want to loose that opportunity or appear aloof)... having said that, last night he says he has been having dreams (not nightmares - I double checked that with him) of coming out to his friends, introducing to me to his friends as his boyfriend and generally being "Facebook official" I told him the timing is not right as I have recently broken up with an ex, and it will look very sudden, which of course it is not...
SO I think there has been some really good progress in terms of him accepting himself in the last few weeks, and to be honest, I really think the drug Cilift help him overcome his panic attacks and be more receptive to some of my communication which he might have otherwise thought was too controlling. He has written and said some very sweet things and I am honestly blown away. He said he has stopped the drug now, so I am hoping things stay on an even keel but who knows.
LPSG has made me understand so much of what to discount, and what to take seriously. For a long time I honestly thought he was 90% straight and that his attraction to me was just a horny curiosity (or simple need for attention) and that could not commit to me for that reason, but its not the case at all. His is 100% bi, and on telling him that I think he is the one for me, he wrote back saying: "The more I think about it, u might just be the one for me too"... So while in no way any commitment, at least he's thinking about that...
I am coming to the conclusion as well, in discussions with his sister and him, that what I thought was merely issues to do with confused sexual identity was actually a lot more complex, in that there are serious commitment phobia issues too, which may never be sorted but I know now not to take it personally...
What has been of interest to me too is that according to the experts Commitment Phobics tend to seek out the SAME! Which could be a reflection on me and this entire relationship in the first place, but does not take away from my attraction, affection and love for him. We have both been through childhood trauma and bonded over that in DEEP discussions recently which he says has made him want me even more he says. Maybe I should have lifted my skirt on those things earlier but its not my style.
Anyway...this is where we are today.
Thanks for your support and advice guys! an update after our holiday ; )