How Much Time Would You Give A Man?

[A_dub]

This is a question geared towards women who are 30 and older.

Suppose you were dating a guy in his 40s and everything was great...except for the sex due to inexperience despite his age. How much slack would you be willing to cut him before you would throw in the towel? Would you throw in the towel at all?

 

[286798]

If he was truly my perfect guy, I probably wouldn't give up UNLESS he was unwilling to learn or un-coachable. If he does't want to try to be a good partner in bed, he's not going to be my partner. Not saying that the sex is that important, but if he doesn't care to be attentive and value my needs, THAT'S the issue. Whatever issue is important to one partner should be important to the other. If he was willing to try, I'd have a lot of patience.

If it was just a "meh" relationship where there were no red flags but nothing is really all that great, I wouldn't put a lot of effort into it.

 

[4388301]

For me and me alone? Some time but not infinite. I have stumbled into love n a relationship that is currently mostly sexless. I am not about to do this ever again, or likely for anyone else. Sex is absolutely not the most important thing, but it is still a noteworthy part of any relationship for me, assuming it is monogamous and I am not getting my sexual needs met elsewhere. If I was poly and one of my loves was asexual, I would have no problem with it. Zero sex and monogamy sucks though.

Inexperienced and positive about feedback + desire to experiment, lots more slack. No sex at all? Some time if monogamous, but absolutely not infinite patience.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

There are too many variables to put a specific time frame on it.

 

[MickeyLee]

Me now? I am kind of an asshole.

I can't imagine getting into any relationship that wasn't epically casual and required much more than my honesty and showing up.

I've gotten stingy with my energy and my time. Sometimes I want a clothes destroying, bruise raising, furniture rearranging fuck session. I don't know how to teach that.

5 years ago ML would have delighted in introducing and exploring smexy times with a partner. 2020 ML is "I would break you."

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I am kind of an asshole

2020 ML is "I would break you."

This makes my nipples tingle.

 

[LaFemme]

Too hard to answer. I don’t want to train anyone from scratch. I’m way too old for that anymore. And if it was a casual dating thing, I don’t know that I have the patience anymore. But if it was someone I really, really liked, I’d probably allow some time. But it’s not like sex is that difficult. If he won’t learn, he won’t learn. And I learned the hard way that bad sex or absence of sex is just no way to solidify a relationship. Just builds resentment.

As an aside, actual physical experience isn’t necessary for good sex to occur. I’ve had sex with men with no sexual experience who were stellar in bed; I’ve slept with guys with a ton of sexual experience and were duds in bed.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

How many ways are you going to ask if you will ever have sex? because lack of experience is your main issue.
do you expect different answers?

 

[Holly Doors]

my pleasure is a big part of any relationship I'm in and tbh I think I can tell within the first few times of us being intimate whether a guy cuts the mustard or not, truthfully I'm getting less tolerant as I get older, time flies and I don't have the patience to be showing a guy what to do especially a man of the age you suggest.
I have high expectations in all parts of a relationship, I'm afraid the scenario you're talking about I'd have the guy for breakfast and blow him out I'd imagine.
All I can say is it's a good thing I'm happily married with my mr right! X

 

[deleted924715]

Too hard to answer. I don’t want to train anyone from scratch. I’m way too old for that anymore. And if it was a casual dating thing, I don’t know that I have the patience anymore. But if it was someone I really, really liked, I’d probably allow some time. But it’s not like sex is that difficult. If he won’t learn, he won’t learn. And I learned the hard way that bad sex or absence of sex is just no way to solidify a relationship. Just builds resentment.

As an aside, actual physical experience isn’t necessary for good sex to occur. I’ve had sex with men with no sexual experience who were stellar in bed; I’ve slept with guys with a ton of sexual experience and were duds in bed.

Pretty much this

Also I'd be cautious about why. Has he been held hostage for 20 years? Thought he wanted to be a priest? Stranded on a desert island? Physical issue that is now resolved? Then I'd been way more likely to cut him some slack than someone who was too meek to get out there.

In that case it wouldn't be a lack of experience thing, it would be a personality thing. I wouldn't have that spark, I know myself.

 

[EllieP]

I'm at a stage in my life where I won't say I'm impatient, but I have expectations. And I guess I'm spoiled, but my partners have always been pretty experienced except for my first one. And neither was I.

 

[A_dub]

Pretty much this

Also I'd be cautious about why. Has he been held hostage for 20 years? Thought he wanted to be a priest? Stranded on a desert island? Physical issue that is now resolved? Then I'd been way more likely to cut him some slack than someone who was too meek to get out there.

Suppose it was because he'd been shot down by every woman he'd asked out previously.

 

[deleted924715]

Suppose it was because he'd been shot down by every woman he'd asked out previously.

Every woman? And he's in his forties?

I'm unlikely to click with him because in my head I'm thinking with that track record:

a) he's a bit of a fantasist and unrealistic about the women he approaches (e.g. Mr Bean pursuing Naomi Campbell)

b) there is something off-putting about him. Too much pressure? Wants too much reassurance? Comes across as needy? Is projecting desire for sex (with someone! Anyone!) rather than wanting to actually date?

c) he has approached very few women in his lifetime and has allowed those few knock-backs to dictate the course of his life. That is not attractive to me. Fortune favours the bold - it is infinitely more attractive to try and fail than to not try at all.

There are lots of guys (probably gals too) out there who are nothing special but play the numbers game because they know someone will say yes sooner or later. *To me* a person hasn't been trying too hard to get to their forties with zero success.

It's not about lack of sexual experience for me - like LaFemme said, sex isn't that hard, anyone can learn. Enthusiasm goes a long way. But meek isn't for me, neither is delusional. I'm just one woman though, YMMV.

Incidentally, a person can change any of those things about themselves. But if nothing changes... Nothing changes

 

[286798]

Every woman? And he's in his forties?

I'm unlikely to click with him because in my head I'm thinking with that track record:

a) he's a bit of a fantasist and unrealistic about the women he approaches (e.g. Mr Bean pursuing Naomi Campbell)

b) there is something off-putting about him. Too much pressure? Wants too much reassurance? Comes across as needy? Is projecting desire for sex (with someone! Anyone!) rather than wanting to actually date?

c) he has approached very few women in his lifetime and has allowed those few knock-backs to dictate the course of his life. That is not attractive to me. Fortune favours the bold - it is infinitely more attractive to try and fail than to not try at all.

There are lots of guys (probably gals too) out there who are nothing special but play the numbers game because they know someone will say yes sooner or later. *To me* a person hasn't been trying too hard to get to their forties with zero success.

It's not about lack of sexual experience for me - like LaFemme said, sex isn't that hard, anyone can learn. Enthusiasm goes a long way. But meek isn't for me, neither is delusional. I'm just one woman though, YMMV.

Incidentally, a person can change any of those things about themselves. But if nothing changes... Nothing changes

+1

 

[A_dub]

As an aside, actual physical experience isn’t necessary for good sex to occur. I’ve had sex with men with no sexual experience who were stellar in bed; I’ve slept with guys with a ton of sexual experience and were duds in bed.

Oh wow!

 

[A_dub]

c) he has approached very few women in his lifetime and has allowed those few knock-backs to dictate the course of his life. That is not attractive to me. Fortune favours the bold - it is infinitely more attractive to try and fail than to not try at all.

I've probably asked about 10-12 women out. There's probably been another 10-12 that I almost pursued but could tell they weren't interested so ultimately didn't end up making a move. I don't know if that counts as a failure or not trying.

a) he's a bit of a fantasist and unrealistic about the women he approaches (e.g. Mr Bean pursuing Naomi Campbell)

Was definitely true (at least according to my friends and coworkers) and I've made some progress in rectifying this, but probably not enough progress.

b) there is something off-putting about him. Too much pressure? Wants too much reassurance? Comes across as needy? Is projecting desire for sex (with someone! Anyone!) rather than wanting to actually date?

This I have no clue about.

 

[Enid]

Well I consider myself on the asexual spectrum at least in this phase of life, so I would hate to have to constantly deal with "oh am I doing this right, is this ok, how's this" etc

But in a theoretical way I'm not opposed to taking a LONG time to open up sexually

So i guess with the right person I'm willing to give a long time to, but I have zero energy to deal with insecurities