How often do you fight in your relationship (or don't fight?)

Doranq

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Like yelling, name calling, cussing that type of stuff. How often is that?

I forgot to put it in the other thread but if you don't fight at all/ever I'm also interested in hearing about that.
 
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Like yelling, name calling, cussing that type of stuff. How often is that?

I forgot to put it in the other thread but if you don't fight at all/ever I'm also interested in hearing about that.

We disagree about things sometimes. We may argue on occasion, but yelling and name calling? Never. Even when it's not someone I love, I don't yell at people or name call. I may say I find a particular behavior objectionable. I may say I find a behavior stupid (especially with some people on this site, good grief). I endeavor to not personally insult or name call in general, though. I have called people out for behaving in racist, sexist, etc ways, but them getting offended at being called out for saying sexist stuff is on them. Yelling and name calling just tends to seem fucking childish and a sign of poor self-control.

Cussing? We both swear a lot in general, in the privacy of our own home. It's just our natural way of speaking. I know some people aren't comfortable with swearing, and in many environments it isn't appropriate so I do not cuss in those scenarios. Among friends and around him, it's free game. He's a former Marine for goodness sake. If I couldn't swear around him, I couldn't swear around anyone. As far as frequency, disagreements and arguments happen fairly rarely since we learned each other's communication styles and just generally got better at communicating.
 
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I want to add that in the nearly 30 years of marriage between my parents before my mother died, I can tell you that I only witnessed two fights ever. In talking with my father after her death, I didn't miss any. They pretty much never argued or fought. They knew how to communicate with each other and how to disagree about things in a civil and peaceful manner. I try to follow that example.
 

Doranq

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I want to add that in the nearly 30 years of marriage between my parents before my mother died, I can tell you that I only witnessed two fights ever. In talking with my father after her death, I didn't miss any. They pretty much never argued or fought. They knew how to communicate with each other and how to disagree about things in a civil and peaceful manner. I try to follow that example.

I guess I should of said cuss at. I view cuss words (the general ones) as words that are gray and don't take on malicious meanings until it has been applied which is different than a racial slur in which the entire purpose of that word was to carry out a malicious cause.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

For me it was a near daily thing that'd start around 8pm'ish and end around 11-3am'ish. Though sometimes there'd be residual animosity and it'd resume first thing in the morning. On my dad's off days, it was anyone's game but generally the'd start early. I especially dislike the intent of hurting one another. The person you supposedly care about and want to spend forever with.


Personally I want a relationship with 0 fighting period. I'm fine with disagreements. I just don't think it has to escalate and I don't buy into every couple will fight and that if you happen to think otherwise it somehow makes you naive.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
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Doranq

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We disagree about things sometimes. We may argue on occasion, but yelling and name calling? Never. Even when it's not someone I love, I don't yell at people or name call. I may say I find a particular behavior objectionable. I may say I find a behavior stupid (especially with some people on this site, good grief). I endeavor to not personally insult or name call in general, though. I have called people out for behaving in racist, sexist, etc ways, but them getting offended at being called out for saying sexist stuff is on them. Yelling and name calling just tends to seem fucking childish and a sign of poor self-control.

Cussing? We both swear a lot in general, in the privacy of our own home. It's just our natural way of speaking. I know some people aren't comfortable with swearing, and in many environments it isn't appropriate so I do not cuss in those scenarios. Among friends and around him, it's free game. He's a former Marine for goodness sake. If I couldn't swear around him, I couldn't swear around anyone. As far as frequency, disagreements and arguments happen fairly rarely since we learned each other's communication styles and just generally got better at communicating.


Do you just talk over disagreements at lengths? How do you personally handle them when no agreement can be reached or seems as though cannot be reached (like on bigger things rather than silly things like which actor is best or who is best girl)
 
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Do you just talk over disagreements at lengths? How do you personally handle them when no agreement can be reached or seems as though cannot be reached (like on bigger things rather than silly things like which actor is best or who is best girl)

We just discuss them, yes. For the little things, it costs us nothing to agree to disagree. For the big things, we've always been able to come to an agreement.
 
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MickeyLee

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Never really fight with the boy or an any of my Exs. Fighting, name-calling, cussing, hostilities... that would be a sign to me that we are not meant to last as a couple.

The boy and I might disagree about things. There was the great Thanksgiving Butthurt of 2017. After an explanation of why plans changed, I was all good. If you can talk about it, you can find a common ground both folks can respect and live with.
 
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I don't like to fight either. Like previously said, resorting to name calling and yelling = lack of self control. I prefer to discuss and come to an agreement (or agree to respectfully disagree), and sometimes need a little time to compose my thoughts. If pushed to talk about it before I'm ready, I will sometimes say mean/hurtful things and not care if I hurt you in the moment... and then get really mad at myself for it later.

In my marriage, we didn't "fight" until after he started being unfaithful. In my almost 4 year relationship after my divorce, we didn't "fight" until just before it ended. I've now realized that if we "fight", I'm to the point that I don't much care if I hurt your feelings... and it's a clear sign that it's time for me to go.
 

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We've only had sincere, actual fights somewhere between 5-10 times since we started living together, and honestly it's been long enough that I don't even know the exact amount of time had gone by. I think we're going on 4 or 5 years now.

Most of the time when we do get into some sort of disagreement we find a pretty easy compromise. And all of those times we did really get into it, we found a way to heal the battle wounds and forgive.

Neither of us is particularly easy to get along with, so I think we have an easier time understanding each other.
 

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Like yelling, name calling, cussing that type of stuff. How often is that?

I forgot to put it in the other thread but if you don't fight at all/ever I'm also interested in hearing about that.

Never happend like that. Heated arguments/discussions yes but never as far as yelling, name calling etc.
 

AlteredEgo

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My relationships have involved arguments, but no name calling. One involved some yelling. It also involved a lot of apologizing to each other for the raised voices. Someone I'm seeing has come to realize that I do not do fighting. Once I made clear what kind of communication I would not tolerate, he demonstrated remarkable skills. Now I just wonder why this manner of disagreement wasn't a default. Naturally, though I have allowed him to continue to associate with me, this has tremendously slowed his progress as far as getting close to me emotionally.
 
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EllieP

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We have knock down drag outs, but we've never ever devolved into name-calling.

I've never had arguments like I've had with him. I think it's being married to a creative type. Also, I'm a Type A and he's a Type B, but he plays a Type A on stage. It's his easy going manner that sometimes drives me crazy.

Also, he doesn't like to argue, so I have to drag it out of him! I'm serious about that! We have issues that need to be aired, and he doesn't always want to address them. That's when we have an argument.

Our most recent one was over a month ago, and that was probably the most serious one we've ever had. You know that bullshit about not going to bed angry with each other? Who in the hell wrote that?

We slept in the same bed to spite each other!

So, you may ask, because we argue so much why do we even stay together?

For me it's simple. If I were ever to leave him I know my friends would ask "why did you ever leave him?" And I would think to myself "I don't know." All of his wonderful characteristic, actions, emotions, and just plain love for me, and I would leave him because of something, that in the grand scheme of things, is trivial by comparison?

I would really have to be a complete idiot to even ponder the thought.

I did ask him the other night why he stays with me. He answered that I'm great arm candy.

That was our last argument.
 

MickeyLee

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When things get heated with meself and the boy we hit the gym. A few turns on the equipment and a round with the punching bag leaves us too tired to keep the bad mood going. We just want food and beer. Food and beer is a great peace maker.
 

Scarletbegonia

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We have knock down drag outs, but we've never ever devolved into name-calling.

I've never had arguments like I've had with him. I think it's being married to a creative type. Also, I'm a Type A and he's a Type B, but he plays a Type A on stage. It's his easy going manner that sometimes drives me crazy.

Also, he doesn't like to argue, so I have to drag it out of him! I'm serious about that! We have issues that need to be aired, and he doesn't always want to address them. That's when we have an argument.

Our most recent one was over a month ago, and that was probably the most serious one we've ever had. You know that bullshit about not going to bed angry with each other? Who in the hell wrote that?

We slept in the same bed to spite each other!

So, you may ask, because we argue so much why do we even stay together?

For me it's simple. If I were ever to leave him I know my friends would ask "why did you ever leave him?" And I would think to myself "I don't know." All of his wonderful characteristic, actions, emotions, and just plain love for me, and I would leave him because of something, that in the grand scheme of things, is trivial by comparison?

I would really have to be a complete idiot to even ponder the thought.

I did ask him the other night why he stays with me. He answered that I'm great arm candy.

That was our last argument.

Musicians... saying dumb things for song fodder. ;)

I’d say I’ve yelled, when he was also a yeller.
I’ve been in relationships where no fighting led to a quiet death.

I’m practicing a balance now.

I think I raise my voice when I feel someone isn’t listening,
 

EllieP

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Musicians... saying dumb things for song fodder. ;)

Have you been eavesdropping? OMG! He's turned some of our best fights into lyrics!

I remember the first time I realized that this song could be about me! No, it didn't start another argument, because I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of my anger giving him a hit.
 
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Scarletbegonia

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Have you been eavesdropping? OMG! He's turned some of our best fights into lyrics!

I remember the first time I realized that this song could be about me! No, it didn't start another argument, because I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of my anger giving him a hit.
He owes you writing credit and royalties.
 
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LaFemme

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I’m not in a relationship, but I think I can be frustrating to be with. I don’t fight. I discuss. I refuse to argue. Fights really trigger me. I need to be calm, so when I’m angry, I have to take space and time to think through exactly what I need to communicate. No name calling, no cussing. No blaming. I never say anything I don’t mean. I also get cut deeply, so if my partner doesn’t get that, I can get fatally wounded in a fight.

Like I said, I can be really frustrating. One clue why I’m so happy being single.