How old you look vs. how old you are

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Shadontay, Sep 16, 2010.

  1. Shadontay

    Shadontay New Member

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    I have a very earnest question here. Overall, I am am an honest person, sometimes revealing too much. Some may say I often reveal too much about myself. I do lie when I have to (white lies as to not hurt others feelings and lies that protect me from harm). Anyone who says they don't lie are just proving that they are a liar.

    I've posted before that I have psychiatric issues, none of them cause me to be a danger to anyone, other than myself perhaps. Due to this I have a lot of difficulty with relationships as some of my conditions are in the severe condition right now. They tend to ebb and flow, but I've always had problems with relationships.

    So because of this difficulty I haven't had as many sexual experiences as I should. I'm not a virgin, but have only limited experience. Here's where the moral dilemma comes into play. Most people think I look at least ten years younger than I am. Everyone seems to think I'm a college student. I notice women my own age or even a little younger seem to ignore me. I do notice a lot of college-aged girls seem to show more interest. I get the most looks from young gay males, which is very flattering, but useless to me.

    I actually wished I was gay for a long time. Well at least bi-sexual, I love women too much. That way I could at least get laid a lot more. Unfortunately, guys just really don't do it for me. Though I can appreciate an attractive man.

    I've never lied when someone asks me my age, it's not in my nature. I do worry that although I've never received any complaints, I will one day because I would be expected to be a more seasoned sexual partner. If it's going to definitely be a long-term relationship obviously I wouldn't do it.

    Is it alright for a one-night stand? I have really bad Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia) at times, and that added pressure to be experienced when I'm not, really eats at my confidence. Could I say I'm 22 instead of 32, and if we stay together I could say she mis-heard me quote my age.

    I feel really bad even considering doing this, but if you knew me and how horrible my luck with women is, it wouldn't sound so crazy to you. I feel like I need to take advantage of any positives I have, and one of those is a youthful appearance.

    Is it okay to do this just until I feel I'm more experienced, and only if it is a short-term relationship. That way, when I meet my soul mate I can give her what she deserves, since I've built up enough past experiences. I'm really interested in the female response (since they are the objects of my desire), but as always, all responses are encouraged and welcomed.

    P.S. i've looked online at some sites about pleasing women, but I am more of a hands-on learner, and worry I will do the moves wrong in real life, so I haven't delved too extensively. I have spent a decent amount of time though. However, from the time I learned the techniques, until the next time I have sex (who knows when that will be) I might remember them incorrectly. So sometimes I feel I am wasting my time reading this material. I really don't know what's what anymore. Hoping for some helpful insights.
     
    #1 Shadontay, Sep 16, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2010
  2. D_Hammond Happydipper

    D_Hammond Happydipper Account Disabled

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    huge difference

    I only look 14-15years old




    my face has remained unchanged since I was 13(only a few extra hairs thats about it)

    my mom is almost 49 but she looks like shes in her mid 30's



    kinda sucks as most people treat me like a shit

    and has contributed to my Social anxiety...




    adrenaline rush from the anxiety is what really screws me over
    I have taken steps to use it all up when working out
    so it does not bother me as bad in the day time

    first time I manually triggered adrenaline rush i did it 10 times in a row
    and was high off my ass from it my heart racing @ 156bpm-160bpm


    4 years ago I had forgotten my ID ended up getting stopped by the sheriff's two houses away from where I lived

    good thing my next door neighbor vouched for me and I was on my way



    from now on I do make sure I take my ID with me if I am going to be out late
     
    #2 D_Hammond Happydipper, Sep 16, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2010
  3. Shadontay

    Shadontay New Member

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    I always looked a little younger than I was, but really stopped aging at 24, and look more like 22. When I was 30 I got carded for cashing in a lottery ticket because the guy thought I was 17. I was emaciated at the time so looked boyish, where some look like old men when they are emaciated.

    Now I'm at a healthy weight and 32, and everyone always asking if I go to this or that college, and I just say I don't go to college. I never tell anyone my age unless they ask. Then I always tell them the truth, but usually make them guess first for my own amusement.

    Only one person has ever guessed my age correctly and I was 26 at the time. Also when I was 26 someone guessed I was 28 (the first and only over-estmation). I was sporting a big old beard and was pretty haggard in overall appearance at the time. Now that I'm clean-shaven, or I skip a few days shaving sometimes, I always look like a student to others.

    It's weird because sometimes I get people younger than me trying to order me around like I'm some punk kid. :rolleyes: I personally give respect when due. Just because you're older than me doesn't mean you deserve my respect. Nor does being younger than me earn you my scorn. It's all about your actions, character, and integrity. I just feel I don't get treated like an adult sometimes because of my looks. I am young at heart, but am not immature.

    Emotionally I'm a lot younger due to psych problems. That just means when faced with a troubling break-up, death of a loved one, etc., I will handle it like a 19 year old. Aside from that, I am adult-like in all other facets.

    On the plus side, most women like older men, and most guys like younger women. I was always attracted to girls around the same age, if anything a couple years older. So it never worked out that well. Now I find I am getting more and more attracted to girls in their early to mid-twenties. Mainly because they're the ones who seem to respond to me. Yes, they're beautiful too, and I've always admired girls in that age range, but now they are the preferred age. Possibly it's because subconsciously I think they are less experienced. The only thing that counters that is there is a tendency in youth to be more judgmental. I guess you really can't have it both ways. :irked: :biggrin1: At least I realize that. Oh well. Que sera, sera.
     
  4. irox19

    irox19 New Member

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    I have always liked older guys....and 32 is not old at all OP.

    i am 28 and can pass for 22ish. What are you really asking? I can give you a pep talk if you need it...just not sure exactly what you are in need of.
     
  5. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    I don't want to sound callous or flippant and I sympathise that this has caused you some problems, but I'd have your genes any day, if I could be frozen at 24 looking I'd be delighted. I mean it. I spend inordinate amounts of money, time, and mental well being on trying to retard the appearance of the passage of time on my person.

    I looked 18 when I was 14, and at 20 looked older, which made me paranoid, especially when the grey hairs started coming in in my early twenties. My family go grey early and it looks odd on a young man to be salt and pepper. I'm 31 in a month and if I didn't do everything I do to prevent it I could easily pass for 35.
     
    #5 D_Tim McGnaw, Sep 16, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2010
  6. Shadontay

    Shadontay New Member

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    It only starts paying off once you hit 30. At least for me. However, the harm of being passed up on by people around your own age when you were younger leaves one inexperienced and wondering how much other 32 year olds can do between the sheets.
     
  7. Shadontay

    Shadontay New Member

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    I'm asking if it's okay to tell someone I'm 22 instead of 32, if I know it's just a one-night stand or short-lived fling. Of course, you never know what will happen. I figured I could just tell the girl she mis-heard me say 22, and that I said 32 from the start.

    A lot of people seem to lie about their age, but to me it is a very big deal to lie unless absolutely necessary. At 32, and the minimal experience I have, I feel this may qualify by some warped sense of logic. I would only do it until I felt that I had a decent repertoire of moves and techniques that I could pull off in real life. Just reading about or viewing different positions can't compare to real experience (I may do it wrong). When you're 22 it's acceptable. When you're 32 you might get quite a different reaction. I've had no complaints but feel I could easily get one down the line if things don't change soon.

    Hope this helps clear up my intent, but to make it real simple for anyone who can't read one of my entire rambling threads, it comes down to this:

    Am I a piece of shit if I say I'm 22 instead of 32 when I don't feel any potential for a long-term relationship/marriage?
     
  8. petite

    petite New Member

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    Don't go there. Even if there's no potential for a long-term relationship, you don't want to be known as a liar, especially when there's any point in lying about your age. I don't think saying that you're 22 will make you more attractive. Burning bridges and avoiding everyone that you've lied to in the past will make you a piece of shit, even if the initial lie isn't a big one. It isn't worth it.
     
  9. Multipass

    Multipass New Member

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    I'm not saying that you don't have your own unique difficulties. But EVERY woman wants a man who's older than them. I'm 24, most people think I'm 19-20.

    EVERY girl my age completely ignores me, I am actually invisible to them. I can talk to them and they will reply to my older looking friends as if they were the ones talking.

    You have NO IDEA how much you are COMPLETELY fucked as a young looking guy. No girl wants to date a guy that resembles their younger brother.

    I get hit on by a lot of girls, unfortunately they are always high school girls. It's torture that the only women on the planet who see anything sexual in me are ILLEGAL for me to sleep with!

    I'm insanely mature for my age, I started my own company and am very wealthy, but nobody sees that. People actually ignore me or call me a liar when I tell them what I do.



    To the original poster: don't worry about sex, I've had long droughts like you but trust me, just have FUN. You are born with the knowledge of how to have sex. Just make love to the girls body and pound the fuck out of her, they love it.

    I'm lucky that I don't have any real anxiety's to speak of, I get pissed at my youthfulness but have no issues... aside from blue balls.
     
  10. onewatcher

    onewatcher Active Member

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    I'd be truthful with your age. It's only a number. If someone doesn't like you because of your age, you're better off without the. Good luck to you sir!
     
  11. maxcok

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    Do you have to tell someone your age to get laid? Is it like getting carded? I try to avoid that question whenever possible, and I have no age prejudices one way or the other. People generally think I'm much younger than I am, often by ten years, sometimes more. I frequently have much younger people hitting on me, and when they ask my age, if I tell them, their eyes glaze over. It's funny, because A) I look, think or act no differently than I did immediately before I answered the question, and B) they were hitting on me. I'll talk to just about anyone, but I generally much prefer people closer to my own age. Beyond being an indication of common generational life experiences, it's just an arbitrary number. People attach way too much significance to the number, and make too many generalizations based on it. It's just another way to pigeonhole people, imo.
     
    #11 maxcok, Sep 17, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2010
  12. Zeuhl34

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    I've found that I can get a pretty wide range depending on the situation in which I've seen. If people only see me from the neck up (such as on a webcam), people tend to guess about 16, but they're generally closer in real life, usually guessing 19-21.
     
  13. Shadontay

    Shadontay New Member

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    Yeah, Petite I don't really think that I'd actually ever be able to do it anyway. I was just thinking how much it goes against everything I stand for. So I pretty much wasted my time typing out all that mess. I just get frustrated with my ability to connect with people. I am really bad at making new friends, and it is even harder when it comes to dating. Luckily I have a good group of friends that i've known for a long time. I think repeated bad attempts have left me feeling like I don't know anything though. It just weighs on me sometimes, and having OCD, this thought process can keep popping up and looping for hours on end.

    The only reason the thought even crossed my mind is because I was thinking how I probably am even less experienced than a 22 year old. I don't want a girl to be like, "For a 32-year old that was a pretty lame lay." I guess I just have to work through it and I've had no problems yet. My perfectionist mind just won't let me be at times.

    Basically I get really fucked up ideas sometimes and I realize how dumb they are shortly after. This is one of those times. Usually I don't waste so much effort though, I just think it and don't type it. Maybe it was good to vent though.

    Lie about my age? :footinmouth: :pat: I feel like a fool for even bringing it up now. :sad:
     
    #13 Shadontay, Sep 17, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2010
  14. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

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    How do you dress? That is always my dead give away. If you are lucky enough to have a youthful appearance, maybe dressing a bit more mature will make you more appealing to women. I know men hate a makeover, but hey. Sounds like that might help. I know more than one boy I have helped fashion wise, and no one has ever regretted it. And don't confuse make over with "find a whole new style"
     
  15. Shadontay

    Shadontay New Member

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    Thanks for the reply. Maybe you're right about my clothes. I've been switching it up a lot more recently and have received more looks. Wearing clothes that aren't so baggy. More jeans that are a slimmer size than I'm used to. I haven't worn pants with my actual waist size since like '92 or '93. I just use a belt to hold them up and back in my skater days had them sagging( funny how the sagging pant look is back already sans baggy pants cause I started doing that in '92). Also most of my shirts go past the crotch. When I was wearing proper-sized jeans and a t-shirt that wasn't that long (so you could see the crotch and butt) I got more looks. Maybe it wasn't because of the crotch or butt, but just because the clothes were better-fitted for me.

    Only other problem is that I always seem to be in-between sizes. So nothing fits just right. For my height I should probably weigh a little more (10 or 15 lbs.).

    Thanks for the advice. I'm going to re-evaluate what I wear. A lot of the problem may be over-sized clothes. It's hard when you need a large or x-large because of height, but could do medium or large based on weight.

    About the reference to the early 90s: I am not wearing outdated clothes. I just got in the habit of always getting pants that were a few sizes too big, as I liked how it felt having extra room in the leg, butt, and crotch area. Also I usually wear more khakis or dress pants (almost always dark colored).

    On dressing more mature: I live in a big city and people in my neighborhood of all ages dress pretty casually. I don't know what you mean by mature, except boring. I'm passing people on the street with tats on their faces and crazy piercings, which I actually think looks good on some, but not my thing. So I don't feel I need to tone down my look at all. I'll figure it out eventually. :biggrin1:
     
  16. golf_beast19

    golf_beast19 New Member

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    I have the same problem! People look at me and take at least 5 years off of my real age. I'm 18 and someone asked me the other day if I was 13!! I'm not sure if it's genetics, but my mother is 51 and she honestly looks as though she were in here 30s. My father looks younger than he actually is and people are always telling my 76 year old grandmother that she looks amazing for her age. So this in a way hinders my social life, being that I'm a freshman in college, but come off as an eighth grader. :33:
     
  17. sleepiboi

    sleepiboi Member

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    Right now...I'm about to turn 22. I've looked pretty much the same since junior year of HS, which means I look probably about....19-20 still since I haven't lost any hair lol
     
  18. Remington

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    I've always looked older than what I am. I'm 21, most people think I'm at least 28. Most guess 30. I believe it's a combination of my facial hair and mannerisms.
     
  19. D_Hammond Happydipper

    D_Hammond Happydipper Account Disabled

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    yea i know how you feel I think most people are jealous or something :biggrin1:
     
  20. D_Ivana_Bhig-Dicke

    D_Ivana_Bhig-Dicke New Member

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    I look way younger than I am. I'm 26 but if I keep myself clean shaven people think I'm 18 or 19. I'm virtually hairless on my chest, cock, and ass so I look pretty young naked as well. :biggrin1:
     
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