Thanks all... Ok so I'll use my most recent example... I've been talking to this guy for awhile. All of a sudden it appears as though he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. All I can put it down to is the following...
We were talking on the phone the other night and he mentioned a charity / fundraising cause called Movember... Which is where in November guys grow a moustache and get sponsored to raise money for prostate cancer. He said he does it and I asked if he actually raises money and he said no, he just does it for awareness. I said that it's pointless doing it if you're not going to raise money. Obviously this was a disagreement. Then like 2 minutes after he exited the conversation and doesn't seem to want to talk to me now.
This does not seem like a big deal to me?! Ppl have disagreements... And he knows I'm passionate about charity stuff.
That sounds like a social taboo or conversational mistake on your part.
In this situation, your comment can be read as a bit callous towards his passion.
He was being vulnerable in that moment. People don't usually talk about cancer unless it has effected them personally in some way. For a man, prostate and testicular cancer are on par with a woman talking about uterine, ovarian, or breast cancer. So, the cancer he was talking about is deeply personal. Maybe he has it or is very afraid of it? Maybe his dad or someone close? Maybe someone he respects?
Now, he is raising awareness of a condition that he finds important. The issue wasn't monetary. The event was called a fundraiser, since that is a term that people understand or the organizers decided to use.
While you are welcome to disagree, you shut down and shut him down....
a) You didn't show interest or respect for his passion, or, become his ally just because he's your friend, or, acknowledged that if it is important to him, then that is a good thing;
b) Telling him that something he considers important is pointless, attacks him personally and can be very belittling, unless you are very careful with your words and tone;
Example may be: "
That's funny, I always thought fundraisers were supposed to make money, but a chance to get together and show support is good for anything. Do they let women grow moustaches?" You get your point across, acknowledged a possible way to accept it, and, either create a joke at yourself/show interest, depending on how he reads it.
You need to allow him space to have his opinions, even if you don't agree with them. If you want(ed) a continued relationship, then it is(was) your responsibility to reestablish it.
