How to approach my "straight?" friend?

Guill

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Given your level of friendship I would say that you should talk things over with him at least to try and figure out what happened. I would probably be honest about how you are feeling. Things seem confusing so I would press but reassure him that no matter what you are his friend and will respect what he chooses.
 

Countryguy63

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We talked last night. He says he does not remember what happened - but believes me. He says that "It just happened and probably won't happen again...actually, who knows?" He also said he would kiss and make out with me no problem. He told me that he really wants to be bisexual. I'm not sure what to think of all this, but I am happy. I'm going to wait and see what happens in the near future.

Ha, "he would kiss and make out with me no problem" and "he really wants to be bisexual"? I'm going to contradict my original response :wink:

Sounds like you've got a potential fun time at some point :biggrin1:
 

ashman87

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My opinion: he remembers, he likes it and would love to do it again but doesn't want to label himself as bi. Even if he doesn't remember, when you told him, his reaction would have been a lot different had he been against it. My advice - don't push the subject, but enjoy it and do what you feel like doing with him until he gives you an indication that he doesn't want to go there.
 

iTzStylin

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Here's an update for you guys:

Since that time, we've slept some nights in the same bed and cuddled/spooned (both in our only our underwear). Just recent;y, one of these nights, I made a move and slowly put my hand down on his penis and fondled him a bit. He responded by rolling over the other way. I then rolled the opposite way and went to bed. Soon later, I awoke to find him spooning with me. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. He has me so confused.

The next day we talked about what happened. I basically let out ever emotion I had been feeling over the past months. I even started to cry (against my will - it just happened). I told him that I had developed feeling for him and I didn't know what to do. That I was scared because I'd never felt feeling towards a guy before.

He said once again that he wishes he was bi but just isn't. That the thought of another guy touching his dick grosses him out. How does this make any sense? He's not afraid to kiss me, cuddle, spoon, or sleep in the same bed. I'm convinced that he would enjoy it if we would just try.

I was right about one thing, though. We are on a level of friendship that the whole scenario doesn't matter. He says this won't effect our friendship in any way and that he is here for me for anything, whenever I need him. Hopefully over the next year he will be more open to experimentation since we will be living together and be together 24/7.

I don't know what to do. I think about him every day. I think I'm feeling love for the first time. What do I do?
 
D

deleted3782

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Well, it looks like you can either fall in love with a guy who will just cuddle with you and never reciprocate the feelings you have for him back to you, or...

You can keep pushing him in hopes that he will eventually feel the same way you do, or...

You can just be friends with the guy and work to connect with another person who is able to express their sexuality the same way you do.

If it was me, I'd pick the third choice. Love is rough, and its no fun pining for someone who can't/won't express their feelings back to you. You run the risk of being devestated when he starts to date a girl, when he will be happily coupled and you will be left with nothing at all. Been there too many times.
 

Countryguy63

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Well, it looks like you can either fall in love with a guy who will just cuddle with you and never reciprocate the feelings you have for him back to you, or...

You can keep pushing him in hopes that he will eventually feel the same way you do, or...

You can just be friends with the guy and work to connect with another person who is able to express their sexuality the same way you do.

If it was me, I'd pick the third choice. Love is rough, and its no fun pining for someone who can't/won't express their feelings back to you. You run the risk of being devestated when he starts to date a girl, when he will be happily coupled and you will be left with nothing at all. Been there too many times.

++ :fing02:
 

MisterSlave

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I will Say This. . as a perhaps (elder gay man), to you with life experience. I (HAD) a very good friend once in my life. . . and I learned a valuable life lesson about boundries. My buddy was fairly well endowed and always rocked a sizable buldge. we would hang out. . drink beers. . smoke weed. . shoot the breeze, and go to concerts and stuff.

I made the mistake, of telling him, that I had interest in him . in more than just friendship. After I did that. He stopped hanging out with me. . he stopped talking to me. . . And sadly to say. . I lost him as a friend.

It is after that experience. . that I learned that people sometimes have boundries as friends. . and as much as you can desire sexual interest in someone else. . they may not feel the same way. Your friend my have an internal struggle going on. . but what do you value most. . his friendship. . or a potential fuck from him. . All I am saying, is. . that if you approach him sexually. . you may not have the response that you wish for.
 

iTzStylin

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I will Say This. . as a perhaps (elder gay man), to you with life experience. I (HAD) a very good friend once in my life. . . and I learned a valuable life lesson about boundries. My buddy was fairly well endowed and always rocked a sizable buldge. we would hang out. . drink beers. . smoke weed. . shoot the breeze, and go to concerts and stuff.

I made the mistake, of telling him, that I had interest in him . in more than just friendship. After I did that. He stopped hanging out with me. . he stopped talking to me. . . And sadly to say. . I lost him as a friend.

It is after that experience. . that I learned that people sometimes have boundries as friends. . and as much as you can desire sexual interest in someone else. . they may not feel the same way. Your friend my have an internal struggle going on. . but what do you value most. . his friendship. . or a potential fuck from him. . All I am saying, is. . that if you approach him sexually. . you may not have the response that you wish for.

He knows that I feel feelings that are beyond a friendship. I told him this. I think I will just let whatever happens happen. It hurts so much thinking about him every day, rehearing him say he just isn't up for experimenting with guys.
 

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I lost a good friend through something just like this. We used to spoon in bed and on the settee and stuff.

Sometimes he would get into bed with me in the middle of the night, with nothing but underwear on, and spoon until the morning.

We were close, we used to go everywhere together. In the end I think I fell in love with him, developed really strong feelings for him. I used to get insanely jealous when he used to go out and see this girl he was fucking on a regular basis.

It really hurt that I lost that friendship and I think my mistake was letting myself fall for him in such a big way.

It sounds like you have a great friendship and it would be sad to see it fizzle out.

My advice would be to let things happen naturally, don't rush things.
 

K.Dst

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You can keep pushing him in hopes that he will eventually feel the same way you do, or...

*BEEEEEEP*
Never gonna happen

I tried it so many times, in a way or another, when you push too hard people only get hurt.
You don't control your feelings, even if he really wants it bad it would be just as hard for him to feel the same way about you that it would for you to stop feeling that way.
 

nydml

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"he claims to be straight. Well, not really. He has just said he isn't gay. I'm not sure how to take that."
I would take him at his word.

"He has a girlfriend and they are sexually active, which only makes me begin to assume he's straight."
That would be a safe assumption.

"He said he has let a guy feel him up before and he didn't really enjoy it."
Again, I would take him at his word.

"Something happened, I'm a little hazy on what exactly happened. I somehow woke up and was feeling his body all over. Chest, back, and face. I think I even kissed him a couple times. I honestly am not sure."
Dude, take some responsibility for your actions: You made a drunken pass at him and he wasn't into it. Own that and move on.

A guy who paints his nails is not gay. A guy who kisses his male friends is not gay. A guy who blows his male friends might be gay. Bottom line is he ain't blowin' you and I really don't think you'll be blowin' him anytime too soon. Time to move on to someone who's going to be able to meet your emotional and physical needs. This guy ain't it.
 

Infernal

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He said he's willing to kiss, cuddle, hold hands, and make out.... which usually involves bodies grinding against each other, hands moving around and some tongue, yet the idea of a guy touching his dick grosses him out ?

His boundaries are badly distorted and he needs to figure some things out about himself. I think you guys need to have some really serious conversations about it too. No vague conversations about what might or might not have happened the night before while you were both drunk. It needs to be.... What the fuck are we doing ? kind of talk.
 

NoH8

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I think you have to face the fact that you are just friends and that you fell in love with the wrong guy. You have been given some good advice already. Don't push him on this. It would be just as hard for him to cope with the idea of sex with you as it is for you to stop wanting sex with him. However you are the one who has to be responsible for the friendship and shut down your sexual feelings for him.

Trust his word on this. He told you everything you need to know at this point. If he decides that he'd rather try it with you than stay with his girl he'll let you know. I doubt it though especially since you both will be moving in together.

This happened to me twice with two straight friends and ended badly both times. Both would kiss me and share a bed with me but when it got a tiny bit sexual the friendship ended suddenly.

It's really hard but you have to fall out of love with him to see things more clearly. Look for another guy who can love you and who wants you to love him sexually too. That way you are clearing the way for the friendship to continue and you won't have so many problems living together.

I'm sorry but I can't see the sexual relationship happening. Oh and by the way you don't need to "have the talk" with him. He's told you everything already and will see it as you pushing his boundaries. So just take him at his word up to this point.
 
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223790

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Yup, similar story happened to me in university. We don't talk anymore and haven't seen each other for 9 years. Our feelings for each other were so intense that we didn't know how to deal with them. It ended with a lot of jealousy and anger on both sides.
 

someperson

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He's probably playing you.

I am fairly experienced with this.

Right now I'm currently playing some guy and a lesbian is playing me. It can be cruel sometimes. But it can be a confidence booster for the other person if they play it right aswell .