How to Approach Women?

D_Ty_Le_Knott

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Ok, so last night threw me for a loop. I think I'm bisexual not that it matters, but I've been down a lot lately and last night my mom called me and basically had the nerve to tell me I WAS gay, and that there's no such thing as a bisexual. Then she called me out about when I was going to the doctors for pain and she says it's because I was having gay sex. WTF? Then she tells me not to act gay when I'm back home, which makes me laugh because I'm usually one to hate very effeminate gestures, plus I don't really have any intentions of returning home. So long story short my mom now thinks I'm gay to which I say I don't even know myself really, I still have major feelings for an ex member of the site and I don't think that's going anywhere, besides, after this time I'd rather just be friends with them. I'd like to end up with a family of my own someday but last night my mom kept trying to say "yeah only if you adopt..." The thing is I really am only fooling around, I'd eventually love to end up with a wife and kids. I just don't know how to approach girls. Usually with guys its discreet and the same type as me, over the internet. I'm a shy guy, and it goes off and on, sometimes I'm not shy at all. So my question is how can I start approaching girls to ask them out? Most of them seem to have boyfriends and it throws me off right away. I'm really not a pick up line kinda guy, so any other advice would help.
 

helgaleena

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Tale as old as time, this, except for your very unhelpful mom. She's a very inconsistent debater. And also not very understanding of your real feelings. I am glad you don't live with her.

The first step toward asking people out is to make friends with them. In order for that to happen you need to identify some hobbies and join groups of others who share your interests. Ideally you can go to group gatherings in real life, not just online.

'Going out' with somebody means you are sharing a meal and an event, such as a movie or show or a museum or whatever activity. Just meeting for sex is a hookup. It can be anonymous, and most often it's not more than once. Making a habit of hookups instead of dates will frustrate you more in the long run, so why not invest in friendships? Even if they don't lead to intimate encounters, you will have someone to talk to.

And bonus!-- you have no choice about who your mother is, but friends you can select for compatibility.
 

twoton

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HelloMoeJoe, how old are you? I ask because the older I get, the easier it would seem to approach women. (it's a moot point: I'm married).

Do you belong to any clubs or organizations where women are involved? If not, find one and join it. Are there volunteer opportunities you can get into?

By and large, avoid clubs/organizations that are strongly issue-focused, or staunchly advocacy. In other words, don't join "Save the Baby Whales for Jesus," because more than likely the women there will be committed to the cause, and not interested in dating.

But if you can find a social club, or a community organization with a do-good, feel-good mission, you might get to meet women. Help out at a local homeless shelter, or a soup kitchen.

No guarantee you'll find a mate, but you will do some good for your community regardless.

And don't think a meet-n-greet necessarily ends with a date. Strike up a conversation and just roll with it.

Believe it or not, women want to meet guys just as much as guys want to meet women.
 

Exbiker

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I'm not an expert. It's about 25 years since I dated a woman.

But I guess I've kept my eyes open, and maybe I can say some useful things.

You seem to have at least three separate issues.
1. General shyness
2. Inexperience with women
3. Lack of clear role models, or reliable sources of information / cultural norms

- for number 1., the shyness, it's basically about achieving an understanding that most other people are NOT better than you. Or more valid. They don't have bigger and better thoughts. They aren't more stylish, more intelligent, more honest. Maybe one or two have more learning. Or are better at a particular sport. Or work skill. Something like that. But that still DOESN'T make them better... So, what's the shyness for ? What is its function ? What does it protect you from ? ...probably nothing ...

- for number 2., learning about women, just talk to some. Take small steps. Don't let it become a big drama in your head. It's not. It's just two people taking. Don't have an agenda. A woman is a person, not a hobby project for you. If anything romantic happens some time, it usually grows slowly. You get fair warning and clear enough signals. Talk about them. With the person.

- for number 3., it's less easy. A lot of people these days seem to ask in online forums etc. I don't think that's the very worst thing you can do, but it's certainly not the whole answer... It's not going to give you the "big picture"... You can learn from films though. Books. Music. Poetry, plays. Maybe churches or other spiritual teachings. Just chatting with friends. You have to pull the whole tapestry together yourself. But being weavers of life, like that, is what we ARE. It is what we are all here for. Don't turn away from it. But get yourself in a state where you feel you ALWAYS have with you, in your thoughts, pieces of wisdom. Tried and tested. Stories, rules of thumb. It's a lifetimes work to build something useful, but it makes it much easier, than always dealing with every situation like it is unknown and dangerous and threatening.

Life's not like that. It's mostly good, and nice, and easy ...

Be at peace.

:smile:
 
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D_Ty_Le_Knott

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Tale as old as time, this, except for your very unhelpful mom. She's a very inconsistent debater. And also not very understanding of your real feelings. I am glad you don't live with her.

The first step toward asking people out is to make friends with them. In order for that to happen you need to identify some hobbies and join groups of others who share your interests. Ideally you can go to group gatherings in real life, not just online.

'Going out' with somebody means you are sharing a meal and an event, such as a movie or show or a museum or whatever activity. Just meeting for sex is a hookup. It can be anonymous, and most often it's not more than once. Making a habit of hookups instead of dates will frustrate you more in the long run, so why not invest in friendships? Even if they don't lead to intimate encounters, you will have someone to talk to.

And bonus!-- you have no choice about who your mother is, but friends you can select for compatibility.

Yeah my mom isn't the nicest person. She's a very conservative catholic so she's ashamed and kept asking herself where she went wrong. She wouldn't talk to me about it though, she had her own opinions and wouldn't hear mine. Oh well, I'm ok with my family in the future not being a part of they're lives as bad as that sounds. I realize I may have sounded like I want only a hookup, which isn't true. I want a relationship, and I guess the best way to start would be to meet people with some sort of group activity...

HelloMoeJoe, how old are you? I ask because the older I get, the easier it would seem to approach women. (it's a moot point: I'm married).

Do you belong to any clubs or organizations where women are involved? If not, find one and join it. Are there volunteer opportunities you can get into?

By and large, avoid clubs/organizations that are strongly issue-focused, or staunchly advocacy. In other words, don't join "Save the Baby Whales for Jesus," because more than likely the women there will be committed to the cause, and not interested in dating.

But if you can find a social club, or a community organization with a do-good, feel-good mission, you might get to meet women. Help out at a local homeless shelter, or a soup kitchen.

No guarantee you'll find a mate, but you will do some good for your community regardless.

And don't think a meet-n-greet necessarily ends with a date. Strike up a conversation and just roll with it.

Believe it or not, women want to meet guys just as much as guys want to meet women.

To answer your question, I'm 23. Kinda funny honestly now I feel like even more of a loser, haha. Yeah, I'm huge into sports, or at least I was. I'm not sure what happened. I feel like sports in college is mostly for pros (which I'm not) so I don't bother trying out. Although they do have activities like ultimate frisbee, and most likely others. I'm part of the biology society at the college as well, but I usually never attend any social events, again not sure why... I was interested in this one girl I had met but she switched out of the class we were in, and haven't kept in contact much. I guess the only way to meet people is to get out and do those activities, I just hate going at things alone.

On a side note, I think my age affects my ability to make friends at school. Most of the people there are only 18 or 19 so I feel like I don't have much in common.
 
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