How to ask a guy out.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by IntoxicatingToxin, Aug 28, 2007.

  1. IntoxicatingToxin

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    I'm not sure if this is the right place to be posting this or not, but it seemed as good a place as any.

    There's a local bar that I go to every saturday night for "Tawdry Team Trivia" night. I have a good friend named Wes, and he is the DJ that hosts this show. I've known him for about 4 years now. A couple months ago, I noticed a new server that they had on the staff named Chris. I thought he was cute, but never really put too much thought into him. Over the last several weeks, I've been getting to recognize his personality a little bit more, and I'm really into him. Two saturdays ago, I told Wes that I liked him. Chris and I talked a little bit throughout the night, and he's really a cool guy. He tried teaching me to liquid dance, but I'm physically unable to do that, I think. He was also teasing me a bit, and I caught him laughing at my jokes a few times. Later that night (10 minutes before the bar closed, I might add), Wes took it upon himself to tell Chris that I liked him. I was standing by my table talking to a friend, and Wes and Chris were talking. I noticed Wes look over at me, then Chris turned around and looked at me. I figured something was up. After a few minutes, Chris got called away to go clean up some puke that someone so kindly left in the entrance to the bar, so I walked over to Wes to see if he and Chris had been talking about me. He said that they were, and that he told Chris I was really into him. I asked him what Chris' reaction was, and he said he was just kinda surprised, and that he had no idea I was into him. But he never commented on whether or not he was into me. Then the bar closed, so I had to go home.

    Then this past saturday rolls around, and I go to the bar with my two roommates. We are sitting at table in the center of the bar. Everytime Chris has a table to deliver food too, he walks right behind me. I kept noticing one of my roommates smiling everytime Chris walked by, and I asked him why he was doing it. He said he was smiling because Chris kept smiling when he walked by. I'm not sure why he was smiling of course, but whatever. I'm just giving you all the details. Chris stops by our table on a couple of occasions to help me with some trivia questions, but other than that, we didn't really talk. He was working, after all. My roommates leave, and I'm stuck doing trivia by myself. (Which really sucks, by the way.) Wes keeps trying to get Chris and I talking. Wes says that Chris is incredibly shy and would probably never ask me out on a date. Problem is, I'm way to shy to ask a guy out myself, unless I know that the guy is into me. Chris is always really friendly with me, verging on the side of being flirtatious, but I don't know him well enough to say whether he's being nice or flirty. So anywho.

    I'm kinda stuck on what to do. Chris knows I like him, but he hasn't asked me out. Is he too shy? Is he trying to get to know me better first? Or is he just not interested at all? Should I ask him out myself? (I am terrified of rejection. It's actually gotten to the point of me thinking that I'd rather just be single than have to ask him out and run the risk of him turning me down.) He spent some time talking to me this past weekend, which makes me think that he's not UNinterested. I mean, if he knew I liked him but he wasn't interested, he could easily just avoid talking to me. I never sit in his section, and he's never been my server. But he didn't avoid me. So I'm not sure what to think. I know I'm reading way too much into this, but that's me. I over analyze everything. He's such a great guy, though! I mean, what are the odds of meeting a hot guy that is in a metal band AND went to culinary school?! So anyway... yeah. Comments or advice would be greatly appreciated. :biggrin: Thanks!
     
  2. whatireallywant

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    This will come as a shock to everyone, and the people who know me in real life would even be more shocked!

    I have asked guys out. In fact, the first two guys I had sex with were both guys I had asked out!

    I have also been turned down. You just have to learn to live with the possibility. Just think, guys go through this all the time.

    **I want a guy who's been to culinary school! I hate to cook and he could cook for me! heehee......
     
  3. IntoxicatingToxin

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    I know, me too!!! He's totally my type... rocker dude, and culinary school. :tongue:
     
  4. TheRob

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    yah I actually was thinking about getting myself used to rejection some years ago so I figured I'd ask a really pretty girl to go on her lunch break with me, I figured she would politely decline (she had a bf) and I would see that rejection was no big deal
    well she said yes so that didn't work out so well
    I really had nothing to talk about with her
    didn't think she'd agree
     
  5. Osiris

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    Rather than make the first time a formal date, take him out for coffee. Just ask if he wants to hit Perkins late night after close or something casual. Non-committal. When I lived in Kansas City Lucille's was my place to gather after hours, but it burned down years ago. I don't think Chubby's on Broadway is still around, but that was another great hang out place after hours. I suggest doing it after you guys close down the bar so it is more spontaneous and neither of you really have a chance to worry about the "will he like me" stuff.

    Let me know if I can help with haunts in KC. If you do hit it off, I still have some strong restaurant ties in the KC community. I'd be happy to help.
     
  6. IntoxicatingToxin

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    YES Chubby's is still around!! It moved, though. Well. Lemme rephrase that. It moved a few years ago, but I don't know when you lived here or where it was when you were here. But I love Chubby's. :biggrin: I've lived in KC for 16 years now, so I'm pretty familiar with what's around. But I will let you know if I need anything regarding that, and thank you!
     
  7. hypoc8

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    I was in a similar situation almost a year ago. About six months after my divorce, I was married for 17 years, I was interested in asking one of the "band" mothers out at my sons high school. Well I hadn't been in this position in a long time and was extremely nervous. I finally got my nerve up and just asked her, guess what, she said yes. I was really shocked to say the least. But I will leave you with a word of caution, if it doesn't work out, which is what happened in my case, you will have to deal with seeing that person every time you go to that bar, or in my case band meetings \ games and re-live in your mind what happened. Every time I get around her I get uncomfortable, maybe it's just me. Something to think about.
     
  8. IntoxicatingToxin

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    Yeah, that was actually the excuse I used with Wes when he kept pushing me to ask him... lol. "But if he says no, then I'll have to see him every saturday and it'll be weird!"
     
  9. Big Del

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    Is it not better to ask and not succeed than fail anyway without asking? Then you will have nothing but regrets of what might have been?

    Best of luck
    Del
    X

    PS he is a lucky man to warrant your affection
     
  10. hypoc8

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    But, if you don't ask then you will sit and wonder what if? I think it's worth the gamble, who knows, you may be right for each other.
     
  11. IntoxicatingToxin

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    *blush* Thanks.
     
  12. whatireallywant

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    Well, I had to see one of the guys who turned me down afterwards, in college, but it didn't bother me so much, really. I'd asked him to a dance and he turned me down by saying that he didn't like getting dressed up. Sounds more like an excuse to me, but who knows what the real reason was?

    One of the guys I asked out was in some of my classes in school and I would've had to deal with him all the time if he'd said no. Actually, I had other problems with him - he said yes but he turned out to have an obnoxious personality! And I still had to deal with him in my classes and stuff! I managed to do that just fine, though.
     
  13. davec94

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    just put it on the table. wanna go out, just you and i and <do something>? emphasis on the just you and i. if he declines for any reason then forget it, unless he offers an alternative (i have to do <something> that night, but i can probably do it this night).
     
  14. Osiris

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    I'm a native of KC, born and raised. I lived there off and on until 97 when I moved to San Francisco for my dream job. I was home this past May and noticed Chubby's wasn't on Main near the Blockbuster anymore.

    Another good thing to do? If Mama Ray and Rich Van Zandt still do it, drag him to Harling's for the Saturday Blue's Jam. That is a blast and totally relaxes anybody.
     
  15. lafever

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    The biggest problem i see with relationships today is that people don`t try and be friends first, they just go for the kill. The whole idea of being friends first is to see if the relationship will have any sort of chance making it long term. I tell everyone i get with that they have to be my friend first and my lover second. Tattooed mama meg i`m not sure if this helps you but i know if you try and become his friend first and build on that relationship with him then you`ll know wether it`s love or lust. Whatever you do in this i wish you my best love, and if it`s not meant to be with this guy it`s because the man up stairs has got someone else for you and it takes time to make ones journey coincide with the right person for you.:smile: Myself, i never have liked a women who forces herself on me, it was and still is the one thing that would always turn me off, i always wondered what the hurry was when put into a situation like that.



    lafever
     
  16. IntoxicatingToxin

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    Chubby's moved about two blocks down from it's old location. It's now at 38th and Broadway, across the street from McDonald's. Just in case you cared. lol.
     
  17. IntoxicatingToxin

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    Well, I'm not necessarily in any rush to get married or anything. I DO want to get to know him better, but that's not easy to do while he's at work. So I'm trying to find a way to see him outside of work.

    I agree with you about the fate thing... and the man upstairs. I know that life will work out the way it's supposed to.

    But I still wanna go out with him. :wink:
     
  18. lafever

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    I re-edited one of my sentences where i used a word that i think was too simplistic( pushy), and changed it to( a women who forces herself on me) because there is a difference, and that could scare him off.:smile:



    lafever
     
  19. Osiris

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    It is. I was home, got plenty of Gates BBQ and Boulevard Ale. I still miss home, but can't be land locked anymore. :biggrin1:
     
  20. B_New End

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    I would so rather be the one taking the rejection, than give it. Rejecting someone is difficult.

    Anyways, wait fo rth eopportunity to be sat in his section.

    Leave a BIG tip, with your number and letter with some innuendo about tipping better next time.

    Something like "I'll give you a much better tip if you call"

    ha ha.
     
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