I know I shouldn't be asking this... but i'm so tired of people looking at me or mocking bc of my voice or gestures. So anyone has any tip to share on how can I become more masculine?
I think I need to "improve" my voce and maybe reduce my gestures
Feminine affect serves a purpose. You list yourself as 100% Gay. I am going to go out on a limb and guess that you are predominantly a bottom.
Feminine affect
evolved in developmentally gay men as a means of attracting men. Not necessarily for attracting
gay men, who are attracted to masculinity, but as a means of signaling what most folks think of as straight men, that you would play the role of the female, sexually, as they might need.
Your voice and gestures signal submission and the willingness to be penetrated to men who normally evolve to want to penetrate women.
Thru most of human history, having a percentage of men effectively born gay was helpful in early human cultures that made access to females extremely limited.
Its not for example, that certain greeks had such a thing for homosexuality... its just that women were largely cloistered, and a feminine appearing man or boy would do in a pinch.
Thru most of history, being gay meant illicit sex with men who were either actually bisexual, or who were passing for straight in a world where effeminate men were targets for abuse.
Feminine affect was a means of signaling sexual access to these men.
Today in the west- gay people live openly in whole communities of other gay people. They mostly meet and seek other openly gay men... and yet- many of them have affectations evolved for signaling str8 men.
This is a bit of a dilemma... because most gay men are attracted to straight male affect.
And so in recent decades there has been an increasing pressure on gay men to curate a more masculine affect... to appeal to the widest spectrum of gay men.
For a lot of these men this masculine affect is just faking. a form of theatre where they pretend to be overly masculine... because that is how you attract other gay men. I've seen a lot of lumberjack looking muscle jocks whose voices go soft and feminine when they relax around people they are not trying to appeal to.
You can
learn to fake a more masculine affect- but it will always be performative. Tho it will become easier to stay in character the longer you try.
Perhaps take an acting class.
Or Just practice Impersonating the kind of man you find attractive- they way they dress and the way they walk and move.