How to become desirable again?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Gregg_Ghorian, Jan 5, 2010.

  1. D_Gregg_Ghorian

    D_Gregg_Ghorian Account Disabled

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    Lately my wife and i have been struggling within our relationship. Mentally and physically. Honestly not feeling like she wants me anymore. Of course I believe the mental aspect of this has led t the physical. Im just rather lost in what to do. There was a time when we couldn't take our hands off each other.
    It's been four years, a one year old daughter and a lot of ups and downs. I want this to work if I want to be desired by anyone. I want it to be her
     
  2. Stephenmass

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    Only advice I have is if both of you still love one another to work on it. If one of you or both of you have fallen out of love with each other, as a Bonnie Raitt song says....

    "I can't make you love me if you don't...."

    While the words are sad and I apologize ahead of time, the words are very true.
     
  3. iian1972

    iian1972 Active Member

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    Totally forget about sex for a bit and work on your marriage, be nice to her, take her out for some meals and just talk, what ever happens dont get into a fight, just listen to her. It will take a lot of time to get back on track but if you really love her, take your time and stay away from sex. Good Luck. Be romantic again
     
  4. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    Do the little things you did at the start when you met her. Go out, do little gestures, give compliments. You will see that by making her happy,you feel better too. But also don't forget to talk. You just have to start communicating and facing the problem.

    I hope it work out for you both.
     
  5. Stephenmass

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    I can agree with the above couple of posters as long as there is some love left both ways. You both may have to work hard to get it back to where it was....if and when you do have sex man, don't just fuck her, make love to her...two totally different things!
     
  6. The_Hung_Dutchman

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    do small things but don't do it as if you have to do it... do it because it is normal to do it. for example clean stuff up when she is gone even for 10 minutes, help her with laundry and not necessarily to "help" her but just to get to talk a little bit about nothing...

    and like you said before in the beginning you couldn't keep your hands of each other... why can you now?? touch her when you walk past her, when she is doing dishes get behind her and grab her... and try new things sexually... make it fun again! i don't really get the advice from these guys here to not have sex and "work on your relationship" fuck... sex is a big part of the relationship so have sex... a lot of sex... good luck!
     
  7. ginger_qboy

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    everyone seems to have good things to say...

    DO NOT FORGET that what you are experiencing is NORMAL and will occur several times in your life.

    It is human nature to become accustomed to your surroundings including your spouse. It sucks, but we all fall into this trap occasionally. House, job, spouse, children, mortgage, bills etc etc... life can become a cycle. It is important to take notice of small insignificant moments like relaxing together on the couch and apreciate that moment for what it is.

    the frequency of sex in a relationship will almost always diminish to some degree. Does that mean that your feelings for each other have changed? No. The intense sexual feelings will diminish regardless of who you are with.

    You can work on increasing the frequency of sex but don't expect that changes to last forever, it does not mean that there is a 'problem' with the relationship when the frequency goes down again! life happens, and it can mask your sexual desires to a degree.
     
  8. helgaleena

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    To be desirable you must care for yourself first, your hygeine, as if you were going on a date with her every day. Scruffy and smelly are not desirable.

    If she liked the looks of you from the start, try to look as you did four years ago. And also, arrange to be clothed a bit less if you know you are looking good now.

    Next, help her with chores, especially with things she finds difficult. Make yourself obviously at her service in a gallant way in all ways and she will desire your services with her more intimate care also, such as washing her, dressing and massaging her and expresing your desire for her through touch.

    Thirdly, make lots of eye contact. Let your desire for her show in your eyes and it is the most potent aphrodisiac in the universe.
     
  9. dolfette

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    don't ask for sex!
    seriously. it feel like pressure.
    give her cuddles, foot rubs and charm without expecting sex in return.

    female libido can be like a wild bird...
    if you keep moving towards it, it will fly away.
    if you stand still and offer it with mental and emotional nourishment, it will come to your hand.

    tell her she is beautiful. play the songs that make her happy. smile! seriously, what is more unattractive than a person who doesn't smile?

    but remember that the relationship should come before the sex.
     
  10. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You seem like an interesting an sexually aware guy. It sounds as if it's time for a serious heart-to-heart with her to ask her exactly what she's feeling about you. Does she love you? Does she want to be with you? How can you support her more in ways that help your relationship? Does she (or you) need a break from your present schedule? I wish you and her all the best.
     
  11. D_Gregg_Ghorian

    D_Gregg_Ghorian Account Disabled

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    thanks for all the replies and advice.. I appreciate it..
     
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