How to change men?

[Infernal]

Sometimes you have to change yourself in order to change someone else.

 

[BulgeNine]

Women seem to like everything we do. We have no flaws in their eyes.

 

[Betty_Cocker]

Values/morals
life goals
Basic beliefs

IMO when your partner shares those common ideals you have a good base for a long term relationship. Of course there are other traits and characteristics that we "imagine" will make the "perfect" spouse. To initially start with the idea of changing someone is selling yourself short and a true insult to the other person.

There's no such thing as a perfect person. One thing I've noticed is that as people age, we grow, we change. ...on our own. Of course part of that change can be influenced by the people around us.

Change occurs whether it is intentional or not. But the best change is that created naturally through unselfish love and acceptance.

I've said this before and believe it to be true. MY husband and I fell in love at a very young age. We both grew and changed. Fortunately we grew together instead of apart.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Truer words....

Ideally, I think people shouldn't go into relationships with the expectation that the partner will or will not change. Perhaps the best that one can expect is to view one another as pieces of coal and the pressure and bumps and the rubbing together of two people in a relationship can turn those two pieces of coal into dust or diamonds. A relationship can't help but change us - it's our choice to crumble or sparkle. We can choose to smash violently against our partners or bump gently into them. Commitment is the constant pressure needed to create a diamond, no need to add any extra nagging or complaint.

Fabulous words.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

This is actually a very good question, and one that troubled me for a while. A few years back one of my girlfriends got engaged, and we went out to celebrate. Sometimes during the night she started talking about what she "needed to change" about him.

I asked your question "Why are you marrying him if you want to change him?"

Her response was that he was about 75% of the way to being a good spouse, which was higher than anyone else had ever come. So, apparently she had a grading system or a scale against which she measured potential mates.

When I picked my jaw up off the floor I realized that most of the other women there agreed with her! OMG! Seriously? I immediately thought of where she rated on his scale, because she was pretty low on mine.

Maybe the other women were just trying to be nice, but I thought that maybe I was the weird one.

I used to have a shopping list when I was single. He was going to be tall, rugged, and handsome. I got the handsome part. Would I change him to be tall and rugged if I could? Not on your life! The rest of his 25% is just so full of surprises that I would have missed out on if I had stuck to my list.

My jaw would have been with yours.
75 percent is a C.
I got grounded for B's.
I'd not accept a C, either.

Maybe married was more important than the groom.