How to come out?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by 7"24, Oct 17, 2011.

  1. 7"24

    7"24 Member

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    Here's the deal. I'm 24 act pretty straight. My parents asked when I was in High School and I said no and have been lying since. I have been with my first boyfriend for 1 month, he is also in the closet. How should I go about coming out, I don't believe I owe anyone explanations for my life. But I do work a lot with a few gay people and want to tell one of them pretty bad. So I can go to him for advice ;). I am more and more realizing how time is short and I'm tired of rethinking myself all the time. Being with my first boyfriend has shown me a love I never expected and I don't know if I could have the same kind of love with a girl. I don't want my straight friends to think differently though, and treat me as if I have a crush on any of them. I am torn between my heart and my mind. :/ I just want to be happy, I also feel tired of hiding it the world doesn't change if you don't make it change. So I don't know any ideas?
     
  2. D_Dan_T_Zinferno

    D_Dan_T_Zinferno New Member

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    Life will change if/when you come out but you don't have to tell everyone at once. Tell the person/people you trust the most first, those who won't tell other people until they know you're ready. You probably have the best idea of anyone how it will go with each person but people will surprise you, be prepared for that. Some will take it better than expected, some might not take it as well as you hoped. It will take everyone you tell, including you, time to adjust. It's possible you might lose the support of someone you considered a friend but by coming out, you'll make more friends who will help you find your way. Down the road, you might find you don't have a lot in common with those people but you'll never forget them and along the way, you'll find people you have a lot in common with and build a good, real life for yourself, maybe not far from where you started, maybe in another part of the country or even the world. You'll thank yourself for listening to your heart. It's been a long time since I came out. It wasn't easy but I couldn't imagine my life any other way. Hope that helps some.
     
  3. Dave NoCal

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    I came out LONG ago when being gay was not nearly as acceptable. Nevertheless, I can say that it did not negatively affect any relationships that actually mattered to me, over the long run. My parents had some trouble with it but came around and eventually went on to become strong advocates. I can't imagine having lived all these years in secrecy.
     
  4. Charles Finn

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    yes you don't owe anybody anything but you do owe it to yourself and you bf to be as open and honest as you feel the need to I came out as bi/gay in the late 70's everyone knew i never hid it above all yes life is short always be honest with the people you love
     
  5. shard38

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    I hate the fact that the whole concept of "coming out" needs to exist. The big news for you, your family and friends should be that you've found someone you've fallen in love with. Unfortunately that's not the way the world works (yet). But it could be a way of handling it for you to make it more easy.

    You've found someone, maybe someone who is a surprise to a lot of people. But maybe it would be a surprise too if it was someone older or younger, different ethnic background or different type. People will be surprised and then accept it. Or not, in which case you're better of without them.

    I've been fortunate enough never to have a "coming out". I just introduced my partners (male or female) as my partners and everyone was cool with it. Problems only when the partner wasn't sure about telling the rest of the world....
     
  6. latinluva

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    They must have some ideal if the asked in high school. Anyways, no you don't owe anyone an explanation. However, if this is eating at you, then you owe it to yourself to get this off your chest, so you can live your life in peace. Sooner the better.....juust put some thought into it, you know your family better than anyone else.
     
  7. 7"24

    7"24 Member

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    I know my family well, and I know they will be cool and I'm sure a lot of my friends will too. I just don't want to be the token gay guy. I dont want to be singled out and judged that's my biggest fear. I hate that I have to tell anyone I just wish people would realize its not a choice I didn't want this.
     
  8. aninnymouse

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    The question is, who matters to you the most?

    Who do you just want to be able to be yourself with, damn all the consequences. The sad fact is, that at first, yeah, some people will be wierded out by it, and some will be judgmental.

    However, the ones who are truly your friends and care about you will be the ones to accept you, not make you the token gay guy and be all funny.
     
  9. GuySS

    GuySS New Member

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    I'm actually in the middle of the process of "coming out". I've dated a few guys and now when I think I have found the person who is closest to being "the right one" I have gradually started to tell people they won't see me with a girl. I started with my best friends, then continued to my coworkers and schoolmates. At this point we're/I'm "facebook-official".
    But now I'm facing the biggest challenge for me - my mom and dad. I have been with my bf for abt 6 months now and every day I want to tell my parents but I chicken out all the time. I'm not sure how they will react, but I also know that telling them would ease up my life hell-of-a-lot.
    Coming out isn't easy, but once you get started you don't want to stop! Every one I have told, have taken it very well. No-one has said a bad word about it. That's how I hope it'll work out for all GLBT-persons out there.
     
  10. 7"24

    7"24 Member

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    I feel the same way man. I have been with my boyfriend for a month, I want to tell people so bad. I'm conflicted, I want to tell some of my close friends so bad, just because I know some will respond really well and I feel like it will make us even better friends. I know it will feel like a weight of my shoulders when I do it, it's just crazy because I'm jut coming to terms with it. I have liked guys for a long time but always thought it would go away for some reason, because I can still fuck a chick, it's just not as exciting to me. Being Bi is so tough, people are always trying to label you either straight or gay.
     
  11. Countryguy63

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    Hi 7,

    I battled that for so long. I'm not even sure if I officially "came out". When my partner moved out here to be with me, I just figured that I wasn't going to hide anything, and only really addressed it with those that asked. With those I was just completely upfront and honest. I think it actually took the wind out of some of their sails :wink:

    And to give it from my persprective, I was a divorced Dad of 2, with many "str8" relationships behind me. I'm sure there were a lot that were surprised, but so far, none that negatively reacted.

    It's a difficult, big step, but I can tell you that inside, you will find more comfort than you imagine :hug:

    Keep coming here and getting support. You'll be fine :smile:

    edit: just read your next post. Don't worry about those that want to label you. You'll never change their minds, and it's not even worth it! YOU know YOU!
     
    #11 Countryguy63, Oct 20, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2011
  12. 7"24

    7"24 Member

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    I love this place it's funny, for like 4 years I used this website as masturbation fodder. Lol and now I use it for my relationship. The community here is pretty awesome, you guys have helped me so much.
     
  13. Countryguy63

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    *hits the "LIKE" button :biggrin1:
     
  14. monel

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    My brother came out late in life - late 30's. I'm sure it was tough for him all the while he was "in the closet". However, all of his siblings suspected - no, knew - that he was gay. But it wasn't our place to question. When he finally came out officially, it changed nothing. We don't consider him the "gay brother". There is no "tokenism". For the most part his friends, whom I am sure also suspected - are still his friends and their relationship hasn't changed. Though I don't want to speak for him, I am sure if asked, he would say his anticipation of what the reaction would be was so much more dire than the reality and he probably wishes he did it sooner. He has a bf who is accepted and liked by everyone.

    I am of the opinion that you owe it to nobody to discuss or "reveal" your sexuality, but
    neither should it have a crippling effect on your life.
     
  15. D_Jess_Kilme

    D_Jess_Kilme New Member

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    Bud, you are blessed to have folks and friends who you are sure "will be cool". With that knowledge you should pack the bull by the horns and go for it.

    I am a father of grown-up children and I can assure you that my firt whish for them is to be happy and fulfilled and I do sincerely hope and believe that if there is such a fundamental issue in their lives they will come to me as soon as possible. I am sure that your folks will feel the same, not even to speak of your friends. It sounds as if you come from a strong and loving family. Trust them and share your joy with them.

    Your folks will probably be deeply disappointed and hurt if you don't trust them enough to share this big part of your happiness with them.

    Good luck!
     
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