How To Deal With Higher Sex Drive Than Husband?

LaFemme

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I’ve always had the higher sex drive in relationships. A great deal depends on the health of the relationship. In healthy relationships, good communication and agreement to scheduling sex worked. I’d rather have scheduled sex once every two weeks, than none at all.

In an unhealthy relationship, I ended up feeling resentful, hurt, and sad. Attempts at communication were rebuffed. I constantly felt rejected, in every way. That relationship had to end. It’s no way to live.
 
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This has been every single relationship I have ever had, casual or otherwise. First couple of romantic relationships, I was silent and resentful. Later on while single n open about having multiple casual partners, it was ok since I had several lovers at a time. Last couple/current relationship.. honest n attempt to meet halfway.

Current is not great, way less sex than I am happy with. Leave it up to them to initiate so I do not feel rejected all the time + do not feel guilt/shame about "pressuring" them to have sex more often. It is hard. We mostly manage to make it work, but also is why relationship has shifted from monogamous to monogamousish.
 

EllieP

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There's no secret our libidos have been out of sync for a while. A combination of age difference and stress.

But, boy, when they sync up we make up for lost time! And it always happens when I've just about given up hope. Then the clock starts ticking again. Well, lately I've been surprised with his clockwork! I said CLOCK, OK?

No, I think he's finally given up trying to save the world, and his tethers have been released.

Now I'm wondering who has the stronger drive.
 

MickeyLee

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I do me all right on my ownsome

My partners are not sex dispensers. If my horny doesn't align with their horny... Ummm, I don't get laid? Really, not the end of the world.

I don't take it as a rejection or as a slight, cuz more than likely if I am in a relationship I was well aware of my partner's libido idle before commitment. If there was a drastic change I buck up and ask what's up. Do they need space, support or something else.

Like finding out my booty-buddy was a Trump supporter? I peace out without delay. Everything else can be worked out.
 
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Will add that the feelin' o rejected n such is because our sex life used to be way, way, way more active. Once or twice a day more active. Would be happy with once a week ish at this point, or hell, once a month even, but nope. Partner sex drive gets ded when stressed, though am wondering also if possibly is a testosterone level thing. Me, yeah, less wantin' t o fuck when stressed, but not gone/zero. Doing my best to alleviate an otherwise help with stress as possible, but still not like I am magical an can just make it all go away. No expecting o always get sex when I want it, but couple times a year is.. not really what I signed up for. Love them, am faithful to them, but am struggling to make things work out.
 

CuriousKore615

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I can relate to this. In the beginning, it was nonstop all the time. I think stress is a major factor we just have to listen to our partners. Sometimes I still feel rejected when I make a move but it’s ok for him not to be in the mood when I am. I just have to remind myself of that. Like MickeyLee said, it’s not the end of the world. There are days we’ll go at it multiple times and then nothing. This pandemic sure stirred shit up. Stress can be a libido killer!
 

Scarletbegonia

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If you have a higher sex drive than your partner how do you deal with it? How do you deal with just feeling unwanted in that respect? Thanks for your replies.

thank you for not assuming everyone is married, in your actual post. And in your phrasing you didn’t totally erase same gender pairings.

in longer term pairings, libido cycles will go out of sync.
I don’t feel unwanted when I’m in the higher cycle.
Because we had a few chats over the years about such things.
We both practice GGG. So that is the key for us.
He’s all wound up and I’m neutral? I’ll still make love with him. Maybe we will focus on less energetic or even non-penetrative sex. Sometimes even “showing off” will do.
It’s about the connection.
 
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ChanelleNo5

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I was with a man for 4 years and when we first got together we were like rabbits. At least once a day. We moved in together and after the "let's christen every room" phase our sex life slowed down a bit.

Once I was feeling it and I approached my partner and he rejected me. Not like mean or anything but he just said he didn't feel like it and I was DISTRAUGHT! I cried. I was sobbing as I had suspected for a while that because for a long time now our sex frequency had been declining, that he didn't find me sexy anymore. This was my first LTR so I didn't know anything.

He calmed me down and explained it like this and it really helped. "Babe of course I still find you sexy as ever! It's just that when I'm single, I am like a stray dog that doesn't know where its next meal is coming from, so I get it whenever I can. When I'm in a beautiful relationship like we are in and I know I am not going to go hungry, I am not such a glutton. I just have gas right now if we're being totally honest"

He said he loved me, slapped my hip and kissed me and I just felt better immediately.

I don't know why I typed that story but I like it and with all that said, we may love each other but sometimes our hornyness doesn't match up. That is what masturbation is for.

Also, masturbation in the same space as my partner has turned into sex many, many times.

TL;DR Partners aren't TVs that you can turn on and off. So masturbate until they want to.
 

ChanelleNo5

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@ChanelleNo5

I cracked up at the gas admission.
Welcome to living with another, eh?

ive had a few cohabitation situations: two husbands, and three live in partners.
Each was a very separate learning curve.
Lol i think I cry-laughed and hugged him tight purposely trying to make him fart but he was keen to me and kicked me off the bed.

I am a brat.
 

Silmende

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I found out that for me nothing at all works better than very infrequent (as in multiple years nothing or "every 6 weeks" or anything in between). If needed, I combine it with taking a MAP. The same could probably be done with normal anticonception but those are prescription only and the MAP is over-the-counter, and I fall outside the criteria for getting hormonal anticonception.
 

Scarletbegonia

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Lol i think I cry-laughed and hugged him tight purposely trying to make him fart but he was keen to me and kicked me off the bed.

I am a brat.

my ex husband, the one I claim, was “bubbly.” I’d poke him just to make him burp.