how to deal with online explicit material from your past?

bartekmk

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I'm pretty succesful in moto track racing sports in the Netherlands but I've been doing paid jobs (gay/erotic/sex) since I was a teen to finance my hobby/sports, which I now come to regret. The material will be online for forever. I get increasinlgy nervous/anxious over this. How can I cope with this?

Bartek (Holland)
 
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10cubsallguys

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The first thing you need to do is get some counseling so you can learn to accept your past and keep it from taking control of your present. This should include some exercises you can do at home to help deal with any anxiety you feel.

The second thing you need to do is practice. A lot. And not just the anxiety exercises the counselor gives you. You also need to practice what you will say should the day ever come that someone digs up those old photos and videos of your past. You'll want to have something prepared in advanced in case you ever get put on the spot.

By the way, your past is a part of you but your present doesn't have to be defined by it. It's okay to accept the things you did in the past that you now regret. We all have something we regret. There is nothing wrong with learning from your past to make you the man you are today.
 

10cubsallguys

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is there a way to stop people connecting my real name with aliases used in the work?

Not really. Obviously, you won't ever want to use any aliases from the past today. Don't nickname your motorcycle one of your old aliases. Don't use them as your account name on YouTube, TikTok, or wherever else. Never use them as a login or password in anything in your present life.

But beyond that, if someone ever does links one of your old photos/videos to you, there's nothing you can do to stop it. You can deny it, but that just makes everything worse. That's why I suggested counseling and practice. Get yourself to a point where you can go, "Yes, that's me. I did that in the past to fund my hobbies. I regret some of the decisions I made at that age, but it is what it is." Or something like that.
 
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eothas

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If you don't own the copyright (ie if it was commercial porn with waivers signed), I don't think you'd have much success trying to get the content pulled. If you still have any contacts at the production house, you might be able to ask them politely if they would consider pulling it down. (Most porn stops making money very quickly, unless you were some kind of porn superstar.)

Another approach would be to just accept it and move on. Hugh Grant was famously arrested early in his career getting a BJ from a hooker in a car, and it didn't hurt his career because he was able to laugh at himself and admit "Yes, I am an idiot, I did a stupid thing". I agree with 10cubs above. Come up with something to say to your friends (and mom) if it does ever come out, but don't stress out over things outside your control.

Also, work towards coming out, at least to the people you love, if you haven't already. Don't let fear drive your life, friend. You only get the one.
 

bartekmk

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If you don't own the copyright (ie if it was commercial porn with waivers signed), I don't think you'd have much success trying to get the content pulled. If you still have any contacts at the production house, you might be able to ask them politely if they would consider pulling it down. (Most porn stops making money very quickly, unless you were some kind of porn superstar.)

Another approach would be to just accept it and move on. Hugh Grant was famously arrested early in his career getting a BJ from a hooker in a car, and it didn't hurt his career because he was able to laugh at himself and admit "Yes, I am an idiot, I did a stupid thing". I agree with 10cubs above. Come up with something to say to your friends (and mom) if it does ever come out, but don't stress out over things outside your control.

Also, work towards coming out, at least to the people you love, if you haven't already. Don't let fear drive your life, friend. You only get the one.
thanks

yes it's been commecial

it's been through a European agency that did subcontracting for a well known American label (they say I look American in some way), at the time I didn't know that, so I didn't realize it would be distributed so widely.
 

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Once it is online, especially in a commercial sense its going to be there basically forever.
Best bet like the suggestion above, get some counselling to learn to live with the fact that it's going to be there. And to learn to not be ashamed of it if it does indeed surface.
In a time of onlyfans, just tell people you were ahead of times.
 

bartekmk

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Once it is online, especially in a commercial sense its going to be there basically forever.
Best bet like the suggestion above, get some counselling to learn to live with the fact that it's going to be there. And to learn to not be ashamed of it if it does indeed surface.
In a time of onlyfans, just tell people you were ahead of times.
Is there any specific kind of councelling in this situation? Mostly I want to know how to proceed, I haven't stopped doing the paid jobs, it's been ten years in total, first non-nude/sex and then the whole package. I can't 'pretend' it was an accident.
 
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10cubsallguys

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We're not saying to pretend it was an accident. We're saying you embrace the fact that you did it, and, apparently, the fact that you are still doing it.

You need a counselor that can help you overcome the anxiety you have about people in your life finding out. You also need a counselor that can help you accept the fact that you are bisexual and can help you come out to your family and loved ones.
 

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I think the phrase is, "with fast money comes slow problems." I personally don't judge you for opting to go into sex work to fund your passion, but you have to accept the consequences of your decision to take the easier route on the come up. If sports were just a competitive venture, you'd be in the clear, but you know as well as I that sports is largely an entertainment venue, which means your value is not just calculated in your ability, but also in the publics desire to see you compete, and that's before you get into advertising and sponsorships.
Your concern about this material going public as an upcoming rider is accurate, because it is going to block you from endorsements, invitationals, and any publicly consumed events, because the organizers are at the whim of the audience.
My suggestion is either accept the consequences that your past decisions are going to reap, most notably your mitigated trajectory as a professional moto rider minus sponsors and endorsements. Or, utilize your own earnings to bypass relying on public perception to fund your career.
 

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well it still scares me to death, I'm not 'out', and I'm afraid it affects my reputation as an upcoming rider (moto)
My advice to you concerning this part is, find peace with being who you are because sometimes our dual lives meet head on and expose us in the process. That's just the way the universe works unfortunately. Find that inner peace that you will need for the moment you do make your private life public. I hope you understand what I mean.
 
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Daddybro2023

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Just say it’s a doppelgänger. They can’t prove it’s you. If someone is gonna confront you that means they were watching gay porn, since you’re not out that’s another thing in your favor that makes it easy to deny.