How to fight the urge...

[PYBIMA]

I have been in a relationship for over 8 years and in the last 3 years I have had the urge to meet up with a hot guy who is HUNG and have him plow me. This urge is not going away and I do not want to cheat, but the urge is getting so much stronger each day.

Partner would never agree to 3 ways or steeping out on each other.

So frustrating, because I really want to experience a huge dick.

 

[joeweekend]

Your other half won't plow you? Tell him ( or her - you don't specify) you've got needs. And you're willing to satisfy them using an appropriately large dildo, if necessary. Don't take no for an answer - if he's not into fucking you himself, the dildo's there as Plan B, and as an accomodation to him.

Then the two of you can go out shopping for one. Go to a store and size them all: can you handle this one? How about the next largest one? You'll be so turned on by the time you get home you won't even be able to wait to get out of your clothes.

 

[B_Nick8]

I really like your thinking, Joe. Cheating should never be an answer.

 

[scotchirish]

sex columnist Dan Savage repeatedly makes the case that if your partner is not willing to accomidate your sexual needs that they have no right to refuse you from going elsewhere. From listing to his podcast I'd say he'd recommend that if the dildo works to fill that need use it, otherwise have a serious discussion with you partner about your need, see if there's an accomidation ya'll can reach, if not consider that you might not be truly sexually compatible. that is what I think he'd say, but I'm paraphrasing, check out his works for yourself to clarify, and of course I'm not condoning cheating. He also makes the claim that often, cheating or an affair can be the push a relationship needs to fix things, but really it's dependent on you and your partner and the situation.

 

[PYBIMA]

I have used a dildo and it is not accomidating my need, and my partner is average in size. So I guess, as long as we are together I will be frustrated. I guess there are worse things.

 

[sexplease]

really, is this how you want or need to live YOUR life??
obviously your partner is more concerned with HIS needs and wants rather than YOURS. That is NOT love or friendship, but a control issue on his part, probably borne form some childhood drama like divorced parents, the death of a parent, being taken away from the tit too early, but what ever, YOU need to have YOUR needs met. period.
Time for couples counseling.
and a big fat strap-on on your (8 years but I love him, blah blah blah, wah wah wah) partner.

 

[scotchirish]

I'd still recommend considering Savage's advice, give his podcast a call, or send him an email, this is a type of situation he deals with a lot and seems to get good responses back
Savage Love. He puts a lot of emphasis on the fact that you shouldn't have to be denied something like this, which you obviously really want, listen to some podcasts, call in, it's a good resource

 

[sexplease]

...and another thing, it's cheating because most people get into some semblance of a relationship and ASSUME monogamy of their partners.
well, change the parameters: tell a partner: I love you and have fun... just don't bring home any cooties. Choose your monogamy or not. whatever.

It's only a big deal if you make it so. And damn, people fear loss so much so that they cannot seem to get past self-reliance and away from the control of others.

Therein lies the biggest problem. Monogamy is a self chosen behavior. If it is forced or assumed on a partner, it will not work.

 

[markj71]

stop being a whore, cheating or bring in a third party to your relationship in any way will destroy it.