How to Find a way to tell a guy you want to date them, without freaking them out?

[matt121matt121]

Theres a guy that I've communicated with over the past several years and just got to meet recently, and there is defiantly a part of me that thinks there could be more to our relationship, and would like there to be, but I don't know how to be like I want to date you without freaking him out, which is made slightly more complicated by the fact that he could be in a relationship though he didn't talk about it.

Anyone have any ideas on how to find out how he feels about me, that wouldn't ruin the possibilities of having a continued friendship? which I'm more than fine with if thats all we can be, as it would really sadden me to loose him as a friend.

I would say that I have "L" feelings, but I know this adds a whole other dimension of complexity, and I have learned from relationship explosions in the past that its best to avoid the "L" word until you konw for sure that they feel the same way, as if its just a fuck, or they just wanna be fuck budds, or they just want to date, throwing the "L" word out there is a very BAD things to do.

 

[Stephenmass]

Go out as friends and have a few beers, shoot some pool, dinner, whatever. Talk a lot, listen a lot...slow down and don't rush it...if it's meant to happen, it will happen naturally on it's own.

 

[sexplease]

why would you want to be in a relationship with someone whom you could "freak out" about something so important as being in a relationship with them???

 

[avg_joe]

I am in the same situation. The guy that I like has a girlfriend, and I want to date him without freaking him out. To make the matter worse, we don't even know each other. I mean I have never had a conversation with him. I need someone to hook me up with that guy.

 

[matt121matt121]

I am in the same situation. The guy that I like has a girlfriend, and I want to date him without freaking him out. To make the matter worse, we don't even know each other. I mean I have never had a conversation with him. I need someone to hook me up with that guy.

Same here I think the guy I'm interested in has a bf, I wouldn't ever want to do something that would destroy someone else's relationship, as I know some guys do crazy things to sabotage people's relationships which is just crazy, just need a way to let him know I'm interested, so if and when his relationship doesn't work out he knows i'm out there.

Its hard to do things like go out to bars etc since right now he lives in another state, where I just moved from, though he applied for a job down here, omg do I pray he gets it.

 

[D_Pubert Stabbingpain]

Go out as friends and have a few beers, shoot some pool, dinner, whatever. Talk a lot, listen a lot...slow down and don't rush it...if it's meant to happen, it will happen naturally on it's own.

What he said. If you are talking about "dating" you need to talk first and find some common ground. In the conversations, he either will or won't "hint" that there may be more interest and you may end up like Stephenmass's avatar! Anyone care to suggest some subtle clues to watch for?

BTW, Stephenmass, what do you mean in your gallery pic, "not huge but I try harder?" Hell it ain't! And you are HOT looking too!
:smile:

 

[B_Hung Jon]

Same here I think the guy I'm interested in has a bf, I wouldn't ever want to do something that would destroy someone else's relationship, as I know some guys do crazy things to sabotage people's relationships which is just crazy, just need a way to let him know I'm interested, so if and when his relationship doesn't work out he knows i'm out there.

Its hard to do things like go out to bars etc since right now he lives in another state, where I just moved from, though he applied for a job down here, omg do I pray he gets it.

Without being a total asshole about this, I don't think your desires aren't very realistic. But I do think that you can express your feelings to him. I think that pining for him just makes you feel worse. Part of becoming mature means that we each take responsibility for our own emotions and desires. You can't make another person love or even like you. It has to be a natural thing between you two. BTW I feel the same thing about any relationship, whether it's with a guy or a girl. All the best to you.

 

[killerb]

couldn't u just ASK the guy if he's seeing anyone?