How To Find Someone In The Closet?

supermoose123

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Hey guys, I rarely post here, but visit often. In real life, college, that is, I have met various guys who I am attracted to and who seem to be attracted to me. Is there a safe word or something to let them know that I'm gay, that they'll understand and possibly be receptive to? As in I say "hamburger" and they know I'm gay and they are gay. If they aren't gay, they don't know the word. I'm not sure if that's practical, but what I'm really wanting is a way to find a guy without risking ridicule from the homophobic.
 

Phil Ayesho

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I t5hink there's an app for that... if someone else has the app and its turned on... and you get within 20 feet of each other, it rings or something...

you both hear it, and hear that the other guy is ringing and, Viola?

one called gaydar, another called Gfindr, nearox. etc.
 

MickeyLee

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look behind the coats... is really the only place a full-grown person can hide :tongue1:

not a gay dude, but friendly to gay dudes.. and of a queer bent meself... so take as applies to you.

how closeted are you? would you be willing to contact with your campus' Gay/Straight Alliance? joining is a good way to get an introduction to the local queer community, and how to feel out the vibe of where you're living. bonus, meeting guys who will at least be friendly to any interest you express and maybe quite thrilled to be the focus of ya attentions.

if ya worried about how folks will view ya interest in GSA, just tell'em you're trying to impress a cute bisexual activist girl.

the apps Mr. Phil suggested, if you keyword search the site Keyword Grindr, titles only, ya will find heaps of threads with reviews and shared experiences. seems more friendly to those looking for a single serving of loving... but there is always the chance of meeting some folks.. to introduce you to more folks...and so on.

likes always, be careful.. some folks are out to share funs and frolic, some folks are bad. keep ya common sense about you, young person.
 

Exbiker

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No. There is no universally understood, crystal clear signal.

It's 2012. You could just ask. Hesitantly if you like, but in any case politely, making it clear you don't want to cause any offence. Maybe you saying it first ( about you ).

Or you could try talking about things like pop music, art, how you admire certain athletes, cooking, literature, clothes, nightclubs ...

But even then, you'd still have to confirm directly at some point.

And liking all the "gay" culture aspects isn't actually the point anyway. I've mentioned that before ...

Anyway. I think you exaggerate the risk, and if there is any, just remember that all the worthwhile things in life come with some risk. It can usually be controlled and managed, but not eliminated.

Good luck. Just know that there are many, many people out there who feel the same way you do, and not just over the sexuality issue itself, but about other people's despicable prejudices, and the loneliness that can sometimes cause. For a while. Loneliness based on difference.

But in a year or two, your life will turn around.

I don't know if you know how a LASER works ? At a certain point, the atoms in the lasing substance all start to beat to the same pulse, as it were. Quantum coherence. They respond to each others energy in a kind of chain reaction.

You and the people around you will find a way to do that. Discussion and conversation passes the energy around.

Shine.

:smile:
 
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Redwyvre

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Gotta agree with the above post. I think humans are pack animals and most of the really interesting and important information we share with each other is non-verbal. So, I don't think there is a code word gay guys tell each to break the ice. There doesn't need to be. As it has been described many times, you'll be able to tell if someone is interested in you sexually by the way they look at you. Of course there are other clues you can pick up on. When I was in college a guy down the hall in the dorm had a life size photograph of Marilyn Monroe hanging on his room. Turned out he was gay and he gave me my first blow job.
 

rbkwp

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Wiggle that Ass
Flap the Wrist Casual like
but if you want to remain a pretend Straight
just look him thru with Penetrating eyes
no need for words ..
 

NoH8

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A lovely post ExBiker. I had the same problem in university. I fell hard for a guy in my class, told him, he was straight and got a little scared, but we remained friends. I joined the campus gay group which was quite political not very promising socially. Later met my first boyfriend from the same university at an off campus gay community volunteer group. I think the secret was having something in common and a safe place to talk. It was heaven while it lasted.
 

D_Bill_O_Wright

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I know how you feel man. I'm 28 and mostly still in the closet about liking men. I just find it difficult in general to tell if anyone is interested in me or signal that I'm interested.

Have you thought about just looking at dating sites in general? There are a few free ones like OkCupid. They might be good options for finding guys that are interested in dating and not just hooking up which is what most of the cellphone apps are designed for.