how to flirt

[dolfette]

Then just wear a badge on your lapel that says "Hi I'm a
Special Needs patron here" Eventually you just have to be yourself or nothing in life stands a chance of working out for you. Flirting is a tool, being a charming and captivating is either being yourself or playing a losing game.

flirting is merely a style of being yourself that conveys your sexual/romantic interest and attraction.

hence me ''it's not what you say'' comment.

oh, and i consider the special needs crack to be discriminatory and insulting.

perhaps if it had taken you years to figure out that no eye contact conveys ''no interest'' and constant eye contact conveys ''fucking creepy'' and that there has to be a percentage balance that depends on a hundred different factors, then you wouldn't be such an arsehole about what is a simple and genuine need to have the language explained.

 

[nudeyorker]

flirting is merely a style of being yourself that conveys your sexual/romantic interest and attraction.

hence me ''it's not what you say'' comment.

oh, and i consider the special needs crack to be discriminatory and insulting.

perhaps if it had taken you years to figure out that no eye contact conveys ''no interest'' and constant eye contact conveys ''fucking creepy'' and that there has to be a percentage balance that depends on a hundred different factors, then you wouldn't be such an arsehole about what is a simple and genuine need to have the language explained.

Sweetheart I'm not one of the "Special Needs" people on this site that need to advertise that because they have Aspeger's and there fore the advice given by others is stated by you as being utter BS; when in fact it works for all of the "Non Special Needs" people every day of our lives I could teach lessons on flirting but I'm not trained for the "Special Needs" students right now.
Sorry if I sound like a dick but just talking and being yourself works for most of us. And in all due respect I'm sorry that you are having issues but my issue was your comment of saying that just being yourself is like asking a cripple to use their legs. You have a choice, they don't! You don't have to be a "Special Needs" person just be yourself. I'll bet the true you is absolutely charming and captivating but someone made you doubt yourself somewhere along the way. He or she was not a charming person but a manipulative asshole who gets their kicks of putting other people down to make themselves feel better. I promise you I am not one of those people. Really try just being and doing the best you can. No one can expect anything more out of anyone. And if it's not then you are talking to the wrong person...Move on you deserve better.

 

[dolfette]

and i'll add that you, and indeed every other neurotypical in this thread, had to learn this language. the ONLY difference being that you had a natural aptitude for this language that allowed you to pick it up at a younger age and with little or no effort.

if you have to take piano lessons for ten years to play well, does that make the music you create less real than if you'd been a child prodigy who'd self taught themselves to concert standard by 5y/o? is it any less 'your' music? less 'your' expression?

 

[dolfette]

Sweetheart I'm not one of the "Special Needs" people on this site that need to advertise that because they have Aspeger's and there fore the advice given by others is stated by you as being utter BS; when in fact it works for all of the "Non Special Needs" people every day of our lives I could teach lessons on flirting but I'm not trained for the "Special Needs" students right now.
Sorry if I sound like a dick but just talking and being yourself works for most of us. And in all due respect I'm sorry that you are having issues but my issue was your comment of saying that just being yourself is like asking a cripple to use their legs. You have a choice, they don't! You don't have to be a "Special Needs" person just be yourself. I'll bet the true you is absolutely charming and captivating but someone made you doubt yourself somewhere along the way. He or she was not a charming person but a manipulative asshole who gets their kicks of putting other people down to make themselves feel better. I promise you I am not one of those people. Really try just being and doing the best you can. No one can expect anything more out of anyone. And if it's not then you are talking to the wrong person...Move on you deserve better.

nobody asked you to teach.
i started a thread where people who wanted to could say what works for them.
your being a dick was by your own invitation...some ego need of yours i suppose.

and i'm not ''special needs''. in fact i'll wager i'm more socially competent than you, because i've studied a hell of a lot harder.

 

[nudeyorker]

nobody asked you to teach.
i started a thread where people who wanted to could say what works for them.
your being a dick was by your own invitation...some ego need of yours i suppose.

and i'm not ''special needs''. in fact i'll wager i'm more socially competent than you, because i've studied a hell of a lot harder.

Than that in it self answers the question. That some of of don't need to study, it just come naturally like math or science to some. Some of us are socially competent naturally and you have to study to learn that you are an outcast. Sorry I tried to pay you a compliment in my last post, but I guess "Special Needs" people don't know how to take a compliment. Maybe you should study that theory the next time you are at a bar trying to pick up a cement salesman.

 

[dolfette]

Than that in it self answers the question. That some of of don't need to study, it just come naturally like math or science to some. Some of us are socially competent naturally and you have to study to learn that you are an outcast. Sorry I tried to pay you a compliment in my last post, but I guess "Special Needs" people don't know how to take a compliment. Maybe you should study that theory the next time you are at a bar trying to pick up a cement salesman.

fortunately my study means i'm not an outcast.

and the value of a compliment depends upon who gives it.
...that was an insult, in case you're too unspecial needy to figure that out.

 

[MercyfulFate]

I would call this a cat fight...but you know...it's not.

Or is it?

 

[dolfette]

I would call this a cat fight...but you know...it's not.

Or is it?

it's a fun way to fight 1:30am insomniac boredom.
a little sparring is good for the soul.

 

[voidout]

:shrug: my only point about being yourself was that naturally you'll find the people that gravitate to you. however, i suppose the people that gravitate to you might not be the people you want to, for whatever reason, surround yourself with.

so i can agree with what ya'll is sayin'...

 

[MercyfulFate]

On the subject of flirting, it's weird how some women respond to apathy. I had a girl come up and bum a smoke years ago and start chatting me up, so I just kind of ignored her. She got a little huffy and I just left, and I turned to see her watching me.

I had no intention of flirting with her, but it was funny nonetheless.

 

[dolfette]

:shrug: my only point about being yourself was that naturally you'll find the people that gravitate to you. however, i suppose the people that gravitate to you might not be the people you want to, for whatever reason, surround yourself with.

so i can agree with what ya'll is sayin'...

people gravitate towards me because i'm attractive.
however, if i didn't do flirt body language they'd have no idea i was attracted to them in return.
not that it bothers men much, and in my teens i was terrible for not knowing a guy liked me until he kissed me...just didn't pick up on the cues. sometimes it was very awkward.

On the subject of flirting, it's weird how some women respond to apathy. I had a girl come up and bum a smoke years ago and start chatting me up, so I just kind of ignored her. She got a little huffy and I just left, and I turned to see her watching me.

I had no intention of flirting with her, but it was funny nonetheless.

it's weird how many men respond to outright hostility.
some men just love a challenge i guess.

 

[Rowan Ravenseed]

Hmmmm I think perhaps some clarification is needed......

There are Extroverts and there are introverts.......

For an extrovert the term be yourself makes sense becuase extroverts are naturally outgoing and flirting comes easy for them... almost unconcoisly..... I generally extroverted so in some situations i flirt easily

Introverts however have difficulty opening themselves up and they tend to take rejection more personally than and extrovert will.... there not socially maladjusted there not social rejects.... they just relate to people and life differently from extroverts

I think they key to flirting is in understanding that flirting is in many situation one of the first step to forming relationships even friendships... and i think nudyorkers advice that dont look at flirting as a way to get laid is verry valuable......

If the whole time your thinking "im gonna get laid" while your trying to communicate with some-one this will come across in your subtle body language ... and remember at least 70% of all communication is non verbal.....

Try to adjust your thinking and think not about what you want from the person your flirting with but what you want to give them..... i.e instead of thinking "i want to get laid" start thinking "i want to make this person feel special"

People enjoy compliments so compliments are often good in flirting.... but make it sincere, eye contact is verry good to a brief look and a smile then a quick look away can communicate a lot if information if your frame of mind is in the right place......

then a quick look back and another smile.... if youve made brief eye contact with the person a couple of times and they smile everytime then its a good indication there interested....

the next step would be to approach them slowly and compliment them or ask them something about themselves or both.......

people like talking about themselves so keep them talking untill you find something you can relate to..... try not to talk about yourself too much, try to be confident but at the same time make sure the other person knows that they are the one in focus and make them feel special

 

[voidout]

people gravitate towards me because i'm attractive.
however, if i didn't do flirt body language they'd have no idea i was attracted to them in return.
not that it bothers men much, and in my teens i was terrible for not knowing a guy liked me until he kissed me...just didn't pick up on the cues. sometimes it was very awkward.

it's weird how many men respond to outright hostility.
some men just love a challenge i guess.

ha. i'm still that way. totally oblivious unless a man is outright telling me or physically forward about their feelings.

yeah...it's the chase kind of thing.
both men and women do it. not all...but some.

 

[MercyfulFate]

people gravitate towards me because i'm attractive.
however, if i didn't do flirt body language they'd have no idea i was attracted to them in return.
not that it bothers men much, and in my teens i was terrible for not knowing a guy liked me until he kissed me...just didn't pick up on the cues. sometimes it was very awkward.

it's weird how many men respond to outright hostility.
some men just love a challenge i guess.

I'm one of those, although it's to a point. I like a woman who can stand up for herself and isn't a "damsel in distress", so if a woman is a tad bit bitchy it's all the more reason to pursue.

I have to say from a man's perspective though, women can be tricky to read at times. It's obvious when they want it to be, but when they want to be vague, goodness. Although I imagine men can do that as well.

 

[B_New End]

On the subject of flirting, it's weird how some women respond to apathy. I had a girl come up and bum a smoke years ago and start chatting me up, so I just kind of ignored her. She got a little huffy and I just left, and I turned to see her watching me.

I had no intention of flirting with her, but it was funny nonetheless.

Exactly how is this a story of victory? rejecting a girl who flirts with you gives a small ego boost, but you are still jerking off that night.

 

[nudeyorker]

fortunately my study means i'm not an outcast.

and the value of a compliment depends upon who gives it.
...that was an insult, in case you're too unspecial needy to figure that out.

Fortunately my life has afforded me to fit in. A gay jew lawyer with a dysfunctional family. It's been easy for me too (Sorry but has LPSG declined to "I was the last person chosen for any team?) And now we have to pay for it. I am the first person to say that this is a support group, but don't take your baggage and throw it on me because you have a chip on your shoulder.
Sorry that you missed my compliment, but I take it back. You should have started a thread called "How to get laid and fool people" because flirting has nothing to do with what you are talking about. Flirting is simply being charming and creating fun social intercourse, You are talking about..."How to fool people so that they think you are normal" It works to a point until they wake up. Maybe we should work on an article on why Divorce rates are so high.
Stroking the glass and playing with your hair says I want to fuck. Smiling and asking someone about their day and finding the common denominators is flirting. But really caring about the common denominators amounts to taking it to the next level.(And I thought I could not work with Special Needs students)

 

[MercyfulFate]

Exactly how is this a story of victory? rejecting a girl who flirts with you gives a small ego boost, but you are still jerking off that night.

It's not a story of victory, I said I find it funny. Also, I had a girlfriend at the time and had no interest in flirting with her.

Misinterpretation FTW!

 

[voidout]

Exactly how is this a story of victory? rejecting a girl who flirts with you gives a small ego boost, but you are still jerking off that night.

when did he say it was a victory, though? i think he was just stating the oddity in how some women are attracted by seemingly stand-offish and downright off-putting behavior.

 

[B_New End]

It's not a story of victory, I said I find it funny. Also, I had a girlfriend at the time and had no interest in flirting with her.

Misinterpretation FTW!

Call me daft, but I still don't get the point of your post, honestly.

i think he was just stating the oddity in how some women are attracted by seemingly stand-offish and downright off-putting behavior.

I just don't think this is good advice, a good anecdote, or a reflection of reality. And even if it were, it's pointless. If you blow of a chick, you blow it. You get a small ego boost, and that's it. Yeah, she may like you more, but big fucking deal... another chance gone.

 

[dolfette]

ha. i'm still that way. totally oblivious unless a man is outright telling me or physically forward about their feelings.

yeah...it's the chase kind of thing.
both men and women do it. not all...but some.

these days i've perfected the art.
i've entertained male friends with how i can elicit a collective sigh from the men on the next table just by crossing my legs...half an hour prep of ''i'm vulnerable yet horny'' body language makes simple actions enchanting.
it's very odd really, how powerful this language is on a subconscious level.

i'm sure we all know ugly men who attract women like flies to honey. anyone can use it.