how to flirt

[voidout]

I am the first person to say that this is a support group, but don't take your baggage and throw it on me because you have a chip on your shoulder.

she's just stating her opinion on the subject, and letting some of the posters read on a different perspective.

 

[dolfette]

Fortunately my life has afforded me to fit in. A gay jew lawyer with a dysfunctional family. It's been easy for me too (Sorry but has LPSG declined to "I was the last person chosen for any team?) And now we have to pay for it. I am the first person to say that this is a support group, but don't take your baggage and throw it on me because you have a chip on your shoulder.
Sorry that you missed my compliment, but I take it back. You should have started a thread called "How to get laid and fool people" because flirting has nothing to do with what you are talking about. Flirting is simply being charming and creating fun social intercourse, You are talking about..."How to fool people so that they think you are normal" It works to a point until they wake up. Maybe we should work on an article on why Divorce rates are so high.
Stroking the glass and playing with your hair says I want to fuck. Smiling and asking someone about their day and finding the common denominators is flirting. But really caring about the common denominators amounts to taking it to the next level.(And I thought I could not work with Special Needs students)

^^^it's like a high piched whine.

 

[rob_just_rob]

In general, I'm lousy at flirting.

But when I remember to smile at women, I find myself getting plenty of smiles and conversational gambits in return.

You'd think I'd have learned to smile at women more during my single days.

 

[voidout]

i'm sure we all know ugly men who attract women like flies to honey. anyone can use it.

oh, yes. very true.

i think a lot of it, for me personally, is that i am still so uncomfortable with the physical aspect of myself that even though i KNOW certain men find me attractive, and i could get out there and pull it off with a snap of a finger, i just can't.

i want to get confident within myself about my outward appearance and sexuality so that when it gets to the point where i'm talking to the guy at the party/coffee shop/bar that i had my eye on all night, it doesn't fall flat where i chicken out to give/get his number out of fear of what comes after all that.

fuck. right now i'm avoiding contact with a guy i've been attracted to for months, and he's been attracted to me. he's finally single, and on halloween we drank enough to grow balls and talked and flirted all night. when i woke up in the morning realizing i promised to call and hangout, the thought of it made me nauseous.

 

[dolfette]

In general, I'm lousy at flirting.

But when I remember to smile at women, I find myself getting plenty of smiles and conversational gambits in return.

You'd think I'd have learned to smile at women more during my single days.

simple things like that are easy to forget.
a warm smile across the room is the most obvious and welcoming invitation.

for this reason i frown a lot :tongue:

 

[MercyfulFate]

oh, yes. very true.

i think a lot of it, for me personally, is that i am still so uncomfortable with the physical aspect of myself that even though i KNOW certain men find me attractive, and i could get out there and pull it off with a snap of a finger, i just can't.

i want to get confident within myself about my outward appearance and sexuality so that when it gets to the point where i'm talking to the guy at the party/coffee shop/bar that i had my eye on all night, it doesn't fall flat where i chicken out to give/get his number out of fear of what comes after all that.

fuck. right now i'm avoiding contact with a guy i've been attracted to for months, and he's been attracted to me. he's finally single, and on halloween we drank enough to grow balls and talked and flirted all night. when i woke up in the morning realizing i promised to call and hangout, the thought of it made me nauseous.

Aw

I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm willing to bet he's as nervous as you.

simple things like that are easy to forget.
a warm smile across the room is the most obvious and welcoming invitation.

for this reason i frown a lot :tongue:

Yeah I'm very, very stone faced and I think any woman that sees it probably just gives up right there. However a rather beautiful girl at a recent wedding I went to kept eyeing me, and me and my girlfriend watched her. Some women are impossible to catch doing it, but some are as obvious as men.

 

[rob_just_rob]

simple things like that are easy to forget.
a warm smile across the room is the most obvious and welcoming invitation.

for this reason i frown a lot :tongue:

I hardly ever smile if I am not with friends. Various experiences in my youth seem to have predisposed me against smiling for no reason.

Consequently, I usually come across as serious at best, taciturn/pissed off at worst.

 

[voidout]

Aw

I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm willing to bet he's as nervous as you.

no. he contacted me, we're still talking as friends, i'm just freaking out within my own little world.

 

[nudeyorker]

^^^it's like a high piched whine.

Hey whatever works for you. I have a life with a partner filled with love and happiness. And don't have to ask strangers how to pick up strangers because I'm socially inept and people think I'm a psycho when I maintain eye contact for too long.
Me ke aloha!
PS... I loved your thread in ETC about Asperger's syndrome it has reminded me how your responses don't mean anything except to you in the cold gray light of dawn when you are thinking about why you are alone (In High Definition)

 

[dolfette]

oh, yes. very true.

i think a lot of it, for me personally, is that i am still so uncomfortable with the physical aspect of myself that even though i KNOW certain men find me attractive, and i could get out there and pull it off with a snap of a finger, i just can't.

i want to get confident within myself about my outward appearance and sexuality so that when it gets to the point where i'm talking to the guy at the party/coffee shop/bar that i had my eye on all night, it doesn't fall flat where i chicken out to give/get his number out of fear of what comes after all that.

fuck. right now i'm avoiding contact with a guy i've been attracted to for months, and he's been attracted to me. he's finally single, and on halloween we drank enough to grow balls and talked and flirted all night. when i woke up in the morning realizing i promised to call and hangout, the thought of it made me nauseous.

it just takes time and you have to ease yourself into it slowly.
like any other injury...once you mend the break you have to spend time rebuilding the strength you lost. sometimes it'll hurt to work it but you find the balance and stop before you push it too far.

it gets better.
don't get disheartened that it seems to take so long.

 

[MercyfulFate]

I grew up very shy and with little confidence myself, I still have my moments.

It's that fear of rejection that can get such a hold on you, and if you look at it logically it's kind of silly. Someone saying no, or not being interested shouldn't have that much of an impact on one's self worth, but it does.

I've always been more about personality in a woman, and while physical attractiveness does matter it's less than half of what's important. I've been with my girlfriend 6+ years because it wasn't just based on looks, it seems weird that so many people are so hooked on physical attributes.

Eh but I need to stop rambling. Boredom + Unemployment = Please kill me

 

[Pendlum]

Has anyone here read The Game by Niel Strauss? It's supposed to be an insight to the life of a pickup artist, there is also a book that is supposed to teach you to be better at meeting women. I haven't read the latter one, but I read the first one in the store (no way I was going to pay $30 for it! ).

 

[MercyfulFate]

Has anyone here read The Game by Niel Strauss? It's supposed to be an insight to the life of a pickup artist, there is also a book that is supposed to teach you to be better at meeting women. I haven't read the latter one, but I read the first one in the store (no way I was going to pay $30 for it! ).

One guy I worked with was reading a book by that Mystery guy who annoys me. He acted like he found the holy grail, and when I asked him what the advice was it was stuff most people hear without paying for.

 

[voidout]

Hey whatever works for you. I have a life with a partner filled with love and happiness. And don't have to ask strangers how to pick up strangers because I'm socially inept and people think I'm a psycho when I maintain eye contact for too long.
Me ke aloha!
PS... I loved your thread in ETC about Asperger's syndrome it has reminded me how your responses don't mean anything except to you in the cold gray light of dawn when you are thinking about why you are alone (In High Definition)

over the top, and completely unnecessary.

it just takes time and you have to ease yourself into it slowly.
like any other injury...once you mend the break you have to spend time rebuilding the strength you lost. sometimes it'll hurt to work it but you find the balance and stop before you push it too far.

it gets better.
don't get disheartened that it seems to take so long.

thank you very much. i appreciate it.

yeah, the band aid's still on, so the slow pulling is always more painful than a swift rip. it's tough, though, (i'm sure you can relate) to the constant push and pull of what you want to do and what you feel is practically impossible of a situation to be in.

i WANT to hangout with him, i'd even go as far as wanting to be physical with him in some way, so we'll see...

either i'll decided it isn't time or it will happen and it a) will be a great experience for me, or b) will be too soon and be a great learning experience.

 

[dolfette]

Yeah I'm very, very stone faced and I think any woman that sees it probably just gives up right there. However a rather beautiful girl at a recent wedding I went to kept eyeing me, and me and my girlfriend watched her. Some women are impossible to catch doing it, but some are as obvious as men.

funny how so often the public frowners are light hearted and funny with friends.

I hardly ever smile if I am not with friends. Various experiences in my youth seem to have predisposed me against smiling for no reason.

Consequently, I usually come across as serious at best, taciturn/pissed off at worst.

i'm the reverse.
i smile when i'm happy. i'm pretty much always happy, so i smile all the time...until i catch myself doing it and start frowning before i attract attention.
i'm told i even smile in my sleep.

Hey whatever works for you. I have a life with a partner filled with love and happiness. And don't have to ask strangers how to pick up strangers because I'm socially inept and people think I'm a psycho when I maintain eye contact for too long.
Me ke aloha!
PS... I loved your thread in ETC about Asperger's syndrome it has reminded me how your responses don't mean anything except to you in the cold gray light of dawn when you are thinking about why you are alone (In High Definition)

i already said i'm not asking for myself.
but if your poor ego needs to see me that way in order to be happy then you have my permission to go with that.
likewise with your assumptions of loneliness.
i promise i'm not judging you for placing so much value on your need for a partner in order to feel fulfilled.

 

[Pendlum]

One guy I worked with was reading a book by that Mystery guy who annoys me. He acted like he found the holy grail, and when I asked him what the advice was it was stuff most people hear without paying for.

Oh man, Mystery is in the book. What a piece of work. I wouldn't want to emulate him. :tongue:

 

[MercyfulFate]

Oh man, Mystery is in the book. What a piece of work. I wouldn't want to emulate him. :tongue:

I know, right? This guy I worked with was like "Oh man he can insult women all day and they'll still fuck him!"

Well, uh...for one it's a TV show. For two, what does that say about those women? There are women that stay with men who beat them every night too.

I don't care how much he gets laid, no thanks.

 

[nudeyorker]

funny how so often the public frowners are light hearted and funny with friends.

i'm the reverse.
i smile when i'm happy. i'm pretty much always happy, so i smile all the time...until i catch myself doing it and start frowning before i attract attention.
i'm told i even smile in my sleep.

i already said i'm not asking for myself.
but if your poor ego needs to see me that way in order to be happy then you have my permission to go with that.
likewise with your assumptions of loneliness.
i promise i'm not judging you for placing so much value on your need for a partner in order to feel fulfilled.

I have lived most of my adult life alone. And been happy. But I feel that I have won the lottery by finding someone to share it with. I was happy alone and I am happy as a couple. The difference is I think that no matter what you have or don't have you will never be happy. I hear there is a shoe sale at Macy's for people like you. Have a happy life. I'm sorry you are so miserable.

 

[MercyfulFate]

Geez yorker, don't you think you're being a tad harsh? This is a good topic, if not to learn how to flirt, to at least discuss it.

And christinab, I would say I'm puzzled by your lack of confidence due to how pretty you look in your avatar, but then I'd seem like I was trying to win e-points because I'm hopeless. I wouldn't do that because I have a particular disdain for those people

 

[dolfette]

I grew up very shy and with little confidence myself, I still have my moments.

It's that fear of rejection that can get such a hold on you, and if you look at it logically it's kind of silly. Someone saying no, or not being interested shouldn't have that much of an impact on one's self worth, but it does.

I've always been more about personality in a woman, and while physical attractiveness does matter it's less than half of what's important. I've been with my girlfriend 6+ years because it wasn't just based on looks, it seems weird that so many people are so hooked on physical attributes.

Eh but I need to stop rambling. Boredom + Unemployment = Please kill me

risk of rejection...i find that nervousness more attractive than cocky confidence. i think that quite a lot of women do. like we're so beautiful that you become flustered in our company, or some such ego trip.

physical attributes are fun but mostly i enjoy my own company too much to compromise it for anyone less that a joy to be with.
{long distance relationships rock, despite what he says. ha!}

...insomnia is my excuse.
everyone else in the house is fast asleep. even the poodle.

Has anyone here read The Game by Niel Strauss? It's supposed to be an insight to the life of a pickup artist, there is also a book that is supposed to teach you to be better at meeting women. I haven't read the latter one, but I read the first one in the store (no way I was going to pay $30 for it! ).

thank you very much. i appreciate it.

yeah, the band aid's still on, so the slow pulling is always more painful than a swift rip. it's tough, though, (i'm sure you can relate) to the constant push and pull of what you want to do and what you feel is practically impossible of a situation to be in.

i WANT to hangout with him, i'd even go as far as wanting to be physical with him in some way, so we'll see...

either i'll decided it isn't time or it will happen and it a) will be a great experience for me, or b) will be too soon and be a great learning experience.

that's a good attitude to take.
it's all a bit trial and error for what'll work for you.
sometimes you screw up and end up taking steps backwards, but like you said, you just know better next time.
it'll all come back eventually.