How to get over your first love

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by sukmycock00, Mar 31, 2010.

  1. sukmycock00

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    Ok, so I pretty much know how this is gonna pan out, but I just want some other advice.

    I am only 20 years old. Probably way too young to even know what true love is. But the closest I've ever come thus far was from a guy who I've known for a few years and my first real relationship. He was older than me by 2 years, and a closeted frat guy. It was a perfect relationship by my standards because I don't really have the kind of family that's accepting. Neither does he. Both were content having a relationship that was based on us, not family or other people.

    Anyways, we were dating and he told me he loved me. I said it back, it was out there. I put my heart on the line to be broken, something that doesn't come lightly for me, but I did it for him.

    I went to stay with him for a week during the summer (he went to another state for college, but was only an hour away from where we both lived). When I got there, his sheets weren't on his bed...I didn't see anything wrong. The day after I got there, he went into work and I was just chillin around his house. There was a knock on the door. I asked who it was and he said "it's me sexy, and I'm horny. Open the door." So I opened it and asked who he was lookin for, assuming he had the wrong door. He said the name of my bf and I was crushed. I asked the guy when the last time he hooked up with my bf was and he said it was Sunday, which was the day before I got there. Apparently, when he fucked my bf that sunday night and into monday morning, he came all over my bf and the sheets, which is why they were in the washer.

    So, I left before he got back from work. He called me to ask where I was, if I had just run out, and I told him that _______ stopped by so I left. He said sorry and all that jazz, but I can't do that. So he and I were finished.

    This was last summer and I'm still not over it. I can't watch Wall-E because the first time I saw it was on a date with him. I can't listen to certain music because it's what was on his sleep playlist that we'd listen to as we fell asleep. I hear certain songs on the radio and they make me incredibly emotional.

    I suppose I just wanna know if this is normal. How did you get over your first love? How did you get over someone you loved cheating on you? I keep trying to tell myself I'm over it, but nobody seems to match up to him. I go on dates, and they're fun or whatever, but I don't want to settle. I'm not trying to be melodramatic and saying nobody will ever compare, or I'll be unhappy forever, but what do I do to get over him?

    Thanks for reading/replying guys :)
     
  2. lopo2000

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    Man, one thing I should tell you, you can never get over your first love. Trust me I know. But let me tell you another thing, it's a good thing that you can't get over him. It shows how much genuine your feelings are, it shows how capable you are at really loving someone and you should be proud of that.

    One thing though, it's going to suck long, probably for a long time because it's your first seemingly true love (and it might be really true love). But it's okay because it's your learning process and I promise you when you're older, you'll smile whenever you think about it, and it's not going to be bitter anymore, although as I said, he'll always have a space in your mind, although a snippet.

    Just keep holding on for now. You're handsome and nice, someone right and special will come your way. :)

    All the best...
     
  3. treetruck

    treetruck New Member

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    I'm 46 years old and I still think of my first love, the way we made love down to the way he smelled. I've been with my current lover for 26 years and I love he dearly, but he can never be my first!
     
  4. petite

    petite New Member

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    You aren't too young to understand love. I'm now in my 30s and my first love and I broke up when I was 20. I have no doubt that I understand love now and that we were deeply in love with one another then. I'll never forget him or my feelings for him.

    I'm the wrong person to give you advice on this. My first love and I continued seeing one another for years after we broke up, which was incredibly painful. I failed to get over mine in a healthy way.

    My heart goes out to you.
     
  5. nudeyorker

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    You never get over your first love and it would be a mistake to try. You will base everything good and bad on this relationship for the rest of your life. Sorry for what you are going through now, but someday you will meet someone who wants the same kind of relationship that you do and you can build one together. In the meanwhile, get a new hair cut, order a pizza and watch those movies that will help you release some of the emotions you are holding on the inside. Once those are out of your system you can get on with conquering the world and meeting someone worthy of your time and energy.
    PS When I was in school I was in the role of your bf and have subsequently been forever sorry that I let someone like you slip through my fingers from being careless with his emotions.
     
  6. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    You never get over it, the first love will always have a place in your heart, always. After a while it gets less painful, but memories stay and you just keep them for your next experiences in life.
     
  7. jeff926

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    I think I am too young to give you an advice though,
    keep it just as a piece of beautiful memory in the past.
    You might not be able to remove it from your heart forever, however, don't stick to it.
    In the pond, lots of bigger fish than the one you lost.
    Tomorrow is another day.
     
  8. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    Awwww,thats a terrible thing to happen to you.

    You won't ever forget your first love and he will always hold a special place in your heart.My first love was killed in the Gulf war when he was 22,i was 18 and expecting his daughters.I thought i would die myself through the grief.I didnt though,i took one day at a time and took things slowly and one day i realised that i would love again and i did..........4 times more.

    I know my story is different to yours but i can still relate to how you feel.

    Hold the belief that things will pan out for you and you will move on and love again and be ever so happy again.You deserve that and certainly don't deserve to be cheated on,thats cruel.
     
  9. lopo2000

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    You see man, everyone is saying that the future will be fine for you. Believe in it ok? I really hope everything will turn out to eb great for you.
     
  10. eurotop40

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    I was very touched by the terrible pain my 18 y.o. daughter felt when she was left by her first love. I sat by her on her bed all one evening trying to console her. After a while I gave her the DVD of "Splendor in the grass" (that might be interesting to watch) which she very much appreciated. From a distance you realise that sometimes some people are not worth too much involvement.
    But it's true that "plaisir d'amour ne dure qu'un moment, chagrin d'amour dure toute la vie".
     
  11. ferfed

    ferfed <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi
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    yeah good luck
     
  12. nicettech

    nicettech Well-Known Member

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    I had a girl I really loved when I was 21 we ended up going through a very large drug bust which put us against one another. I was able to get out of trouble due to a botched search warrant and an agreement to join the army. I never spoke to her again but she stayed on my mind for 7 years straight every damn day even after being married and raising 2 children. Well I got divorced from my first wife and ended up meeting my second wife. We are happily married and I must say that it helped me come to terms with the loss of my girl. Sure I think about her everyonce in a while but no longer do I have those feelings of longing for something I can not have. You never get over your first love you get closure and you move on. One thing that happens when you are in love your mind releases chemicals which create the feeling of euphoria and happiness as well as the longing for your partner when they are not near. Well when you lose that person the brain does not release those chemicals and you go through withdrawal.
     
  13. ferfed

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    ^ good science
     
  14. sukmycock00

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    Thanks for the replies guys. I don't think I'm hopeless or anything like that, it's just nice to be reaffirmed by other people that I'm not necessarily dwelling on something too long.
     
  15. THEDUDEofDestiny

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    You never get over your first love, but you can find new love. Look, I have had my heart broken not one time, but two times by women I genuinely believed I was in love with. The thing is if you can acheive that level of intimacy once you can do it again. The biggest thing is to not compare new people to people who came before, positively or negatively. Everyone deserves to be judged on their own merits with a clean slate. I think this is the biggest problem people have when they get over a long term relationship. For a while it is natural to hold on to that person, but you have to let them go and cherish their memory. Love is like death in a lot of ways. The best thing you can do is ride off from it.
     
  16. sexplease

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    don't be too hard on yourself, yes this is normal.
    One day you'll understand and be glad to have had the time you 2 spent together. Some parts of love you never get over, nor should you.
    The early relationships in your life are "trial relationships." We learn valuable lessons from these and when we move on, we find better and more comfortable ways of maneuvering through and around the common pitfalls of relating to others.
    One thing you might consider: communication. This is in regards to your friend "cheating."
    You assumed he was only having sex with you. Monogamy is a chosen way. It is not something that can be enforced on others, and if it is, it will rarely last.
    Sometimes people just want to have sex with others. Sometimes not. But never assume others live to your chosen life style, what ever it may be.
    It's all good, it is our differences that make us stronger together, especially when we embrace the great diversity of all peoples.

    You will never ever love like that again, but you WILL love again.

    Have fun, play safe, talk and really listen to others. Be honest and gentle with your heart and others hearts.
     
    #16 sexplease, Apr 1, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2010
  17. DV8

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    Sweetheart, I just wanted to say that I've been meaning to post to this for the past like 8 hours, and I'm sorry that it's taken this long. Everyone has given you the same response- you never get over your first love, which is not true. You'll never FORGET your first love. There's a difference. I want you to view me as your good buddy, Dante', or feel free to call me Aunte' Dante'- people do that from time to time- it's cute, really. Anyway. Aunte' Dante' is going to be real with you, and I'm not going to give you the cute "awww, you poor thing" shit. Well, maybe a little, you deserve it you cute little thing you! I really want to say that I'm sorry that your ex was a fucking douche and did that to you. That's right- he did that to you. You want to know how to get over a douche like that? You have to allow yourself to hate him. YES! That's right, hate him!!! Be angry. He didn't just sleep with this guy, he fucked this guy and busted a massive nut all over him and the bed that you two shared. I mean, really? He deceived you, he lied to you, and he broke your heart- probably for some guy you're hotter than- THAT BITCH ( now, technically, we can't be mad at the fucking whore because you weren't in a relationship with him, however, if the bitch knew he had a boyfriend, then I say we slit his tires to help with the healing process- how about that, sweetheart? sounds like fun? ;) )!
    You put your heart out there, and someone didn't treat it the way you treated theirs. Again, I'm so sorry. I hope that you don't allow this to harden your heart- it's one thing to protect yourself, it's another to close off your heart completely. And you're probably thinking "I'm not- I'm dating other guys- duh, I just said that". And yes, you are, however, you're comparing all of those guys to your ex, and yet, you're forgetting that your slutty ex cheated on. It's not really fair to the guys you could potentially be happy with...or yourself.
    So this is what you do- like I said- allow yourself to hate him. Be angry with him- think of all the pain that he put you through, and feel the frustration- cry if you need to- let it out. And once you hit that moment where the tears are no longer falling on their own, or you start to feel yourself calm down, allow yourself to forgive him. Forgive him for what he did- not for him, but for you. You need to heal, and to let go of what he did to you. Never forget it, but set it free. You survived what he did. And if he's a cheating slut like that- to the point that people actually stand outside his door and say "Let me in, I'm horny"( WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?! I mean, that's fucking trashy! Really?!?! HE CHEATED ON YOU WITH THAT?!?!?! ), then you will realize that he was never worth your time. And he obviously couldn't keep his dick to himself- just think of Little Mr. Slutty Pants never showed up? You could still be with that cheating asshole, and he could've given you something that antibiotics cannot get rid of. Everything in life happens for a reason, baby- I promise you. He was merely an experience/test in life, and when you finally let go of him, you'll pass.

    You may have your scars, but you survived. You're a soldier, baby :)

    So, Hate Him, Forgive Him, and LOVE YOU! That's the most important part. Make sure you that you love yourself more than him, and realize that you didn't deserve any of that. Know your worth! And I want you to watch Wall-E again, and listen to those songs that you love. He doesn't own them. And if you start to think about the good times you two had, I want you think of how you felt when Mr. New Booty told you about the sheets.

    You're going to be fine, sweetheart, and if you need to speak to anyone- feel free to get in touch with me!

    *much love to you*

    Dante'


     
  18. DV8

    DV8
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    I really have to proof read what I post.
     
  19. sukmycock00

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    Thanks again guys :)
     
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