How to give a straight guy what he wants

[Growing123]

My male therapist is straight and married but his desire to know about my sexual likes and dislikes seems to satisfy some desire in him and is more than a therapist simply asking relevant and appropriate questions. I have felt that hearing my sexual stories is titillating for him. I have wondered if he is curious and privately gets turned on by homoerotic anecdotes.

I have thought about how I can confirm for myself if he has a bi side. Once I told him about an ex wanting to rim and he lingered on the details of the encounter and used the terminology several times. I felt that we were both turned on discussing this sexual episode. Have you ever experienced this with your straight therapist? Maybe they also have a bi side that they can connect with when treating gay or bi clients. I know therapists have to ask probing questions about our sex lives but sometimes one can tell if their prurience is more than just needing to know the relevant facts and veers into the realm of erotica and getting off.

 

[Growing123]

Most of our sessions don't include sexual content but when it does come up I always sense that we are both enjoying the topic. He tends to cross his legs most times so it is hard to know.

 

[tobythecat]

Only a woman can give a truly Straight man what he wants!

 

[Growing123]

Yes, 'truly straight' being the operative word. Many men primarily desire a female but also may have a measure of desire or be somewhat turned on by homoerotic material. Maybe he would never want to act on or follow through with his fantasies about males fornicating - yet he still may get off on such sexual fantasies in private. I did feel that he wanted me to divulge additional material to the material that we had originally explored in prior sessions and I was wondering why he would pry further.

 

[ronin001]

He could be doing research for a paper or a book. Since you are there to discuss some portion of your life; or your problems, possibly the therapist has determined that your sex life is part of the reason you have retained his services

If it gets too much, chance practitioners; and though I find no difference in male or female professionals, you may want to change to a female. To better assist your focusing why you are there

 

[Stephenmass]

Only a woman can give a truly Straight man what he wants!

I agree. A truly straight man takes no pleasure even thinking sexually about another man. Doesn't even really enter his thoughts.

 

[Topher the Gopher]

I think this is the kind of situation where it's best kept on a personal fantasy level.

My general practitioner is a really cool guy, but I wouldn't presume he had any interest in me. Recently, on behalf of my husband, I asked the doctor about the potential for injury or complications resulting from rough ball play (which I had to explain to him). He was very professional in his answer, but I like to think he imagined me yanking and slapping around my husband's big balls. We're both patients of his, so he knows what we both look like.

Does it seriously enter my mind that he'd ever play with either or both of us? Nah. But it is a fun thought.

His gay, polyamorous nurse, on the other hand? Maybe...

 

[Growing123]

I think this is the kind of situation where it's best kept on a personal fantasy level.

My general practitioner is a really cool guy, but I wouldn't presume he had any interest in me. Recently, on behalf of my husband, I asked the doctor about the potential for injury or complications resulting from rough ball play (which I had to explain to him). He was very professional in his answer, but I like to think he imagined me yanking and slapping around my husband's big balls. We're both patients of his, so he knows what we both look like.

Does it seriously enter my mind that he'd ever play with either or both of us? Nah. But it is a fun thought.

His gay, polyamorous nurse, on the other hand? Maybe...

Out of curiosity how DID he answer that question? I'm trying to imagine how a therapist would respond to such a query?

 

[tobythecat]

Change your therapist, simple really.

 

[curtain_swoosh]

hes a therapist.

if he doesnt want to know everything about you, hes not a good one.

i think its best for you to change therapists, you start to have a sexual desire for him

 

[Growing123]

Having a sexual desire for your therapist has to be discussed. One cannot just move away. I'm not even sure if it's sexual desire but a wish to be intimate emotionally

 

[englad]

Even if sexualities align and the attraction is mutual, the ethical implications of sleeping with a therapist are severe. Do not go there.

 

[Growing123]

Even if sexualities align and the attraction is mutual, the ethical implications of sleeping with a therapist are severe. Do not go there.

I never would. Nor would my therapist initiate that. He has a wife and children. I felt a homoerotic frisson when discussing my sexuality and I felt that he may have felt a certain something as well. I don't know how far he took it. Maybe he jerked off later or maybe he had more passionate sex with his wife that night. Or maybe he just had a fleeting erotic sensation and chubbed up a little but didn't go further. I have been left wondering what happened for him during and after the session. He's a good therapist and wouldn't be unethical but that doesn't suggest that he doesn't have a fantasy life.

 

[chrisrobin]

Only a woman can give a truly Straight man what he wants!

From what is written in these pages finding a really straight man sounds like an impossibility

 

[englad]

I never would. Nor would my therapist initiate that. He has a wife and children. I felt a homoerotic frisson when discussing my sexuality and I felt that he may have felt a certain something as well. I don't know how far he took it. Maybe he jerked off later or maybe he had more passionate sex with his wife that night. Or maybe he just had a fleeting erotic sensation and chubbed up a little but didn't go further. I have been left wondering what happened for him during and after the session. He's a good therapist and wouldn't be unethical but that doesn't suggest that he doesn't have a fantasy life.

I think it's likelier that it's because he is a man you are telling the innermost thoughts in your mind to and one you can be vulnerable in a way you couldn't be with most sexual partners or dates, you're projecting this onto him. You can only really show that level of vulnerability normally with close romantic and platonic relationships.

In other words, you're building this mental connection on your own. I might be wrong, but that would be my most educated guess. He's there to guide your thought process and to listen, not the other way round.

 

[Topher the Gopher]

Out of curiosity how DID he answer that question? I'm trying to imagine how a therapist would respond to such a query?

In case I didn't make it clear enough, it was my physician I asked, not a therapist.

He said that there is some potential for the development of scar tissue and that it's not a good idea to keep the balls strapped in place during rough ball play because it prevents them from defending themselves by crawling up inside.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I think what is much more likely, is that there is much in one's sexual proclivities, frequency, and preferences/kinks that a trained individual can glean insight about behaviors and motivations that an individual wouldnt necessarily just volunteer. I would also imagine he's aware of the mild straight fetishism that seems to permeate the collective of gay men, and seeks to create environments you feel empowered or enthusiastic about(such as discovering the fabled bi side of a straight guy) so that your sessions are that much more informative.
One of the 1st things they teach anyone that has even a mild interest in being a therapist, is that the clients will invariably either translate some aspect of the sessions as romantic/sexual interest and it is up to the therapist to set forth an environment where they can utilize that in as a means to have a profound effect upon the patient, but to never cross ethical lines in doing so....

Ask yourself, do you think there are aspect of your sessions that are more informative to him(as to how to help you) because he's aware of your gaydar scanning?

 

[Growing123]

I think what is much more likely, is that there is much in one's sexual proclivities, frequency, and preferences/kinks that a trained individual can glean insight about behaviors and motivations that an individual wouldnt necessarily just volunteer. I would also imagine he's aware of the mild straight fetishism that seems to permeate the collective of gay men, and seeks to create environments you feel empowered or enthusiastic about(such as discovering the fabled bi side of a straight guy) so that your sessions are that much more informative.
One of the 1st things they teach anyone that has even a mild interest in being a therapist, is that the clients will invariably either translate some aspect of the sessions as romantic/sexual interest and it is up to the therapist to set forth an environment where they can utilize that in as a means to have a profound effect upon the patient, but to never cross ethical lines in doing so....

Ask yourself, do you think there are aspect of your sessions that are more informative to him(as to how to help you) because he's aware of your gaydar scanning?

I don't think that he has any idea that I could be deliberating upon whether both of us are connecting on more of an erotic level. Either I'm eroticizing something alone or we both are. It's true that I'm reading his curiosity into my sexual likes and dislikes as possible desire on his part. He is very professional so would not cross an ethical line. However he maybe gets aroused and uses the fantasies privately. He is straight and married so I start questioning if he has a bi-curious side that he keeps hidden in his own head and only accesses when masturbating. I didn't find him attractive when I started which I felt would be a good thing as I didn't want to crush on him. But now I do find him very attractive and manly. When he asked me if I would ever bottom it turned me on but seemed like a question too far.

 

[Luke Yestizter]

My male therapist is straight and married but his desire to know about my sexual likes and dislikes seems to satisfy some desire in him and is more than a therapist simply asking relevant and appropriate questions. I have felt that hearing my sexual stories is titillating for him. I have wondered if he is curious and privately gets turned on by homoerotic anecdotes.

I have thought about how I can confirm for myself if he has a bi side. Once I told him about an ex wanting to rim and he lingered on the details of the encounter and used the terminology several times. I felt that we were both turned on discussing this sexual episode. Have you ever experienced this with your straight therapist? Maybe they also have a bi side that they can connect with when treating gay or bi clients. I know therapists have to ask probing questions about our sex lives but sometimes one can tell if their prurience is more than just needing to know the relevant facts and veers into the realm of erotica and getting off.

By pretending to be interested, he can keep his gay clients happy and thus use that money to feed his wife and children, so that is indeed a smart man

 

[Growing123]

By pretending to be interested, he can keep his gay clients happy and thus use that money to feed his wife and children, so that is indeed a smart man

You could indeed be right. Personally I fall into my usual pattern of wanting what I cannot have and having to struggle alone with those feelings of unrequited desire.