How to graciously say NO GET LOST!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by earllogjam, Mar 30, 2007.

  1. earllogjam

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    Always have a hard time turning people down whether for sex or dates or relationships probably because we've all been on the recieving end of rejection too. So here goes - to all you heartbreakers out there, any advice on dishing out rejection gently? What do you do and how do you do it so you aren't taken as a stuck up asshole?
     
  2. SpoiledPrincess

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    I usually say I'm not looking to get involved right now and you're such a gorgeous hunk I know I'd fall head over heels in lust with you.
     
  3. No_Strings

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    Leave a note on the bedside table when you sneak out the backdoor.
     
  4. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    I dont' recommend you do anything except telling them you just aren't interested. Most people will get the hint.

    Ignoring them, or making up a lie will hurt the person a great deal, IMO.
     
  5. Mr. Snakey

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    No i couldn't do this to someone.:cool:
     
  6. Lake Racer

    Lake Racer New Member

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    Just be honest. YOU are not responsible for how they take it.
     
  7. surferboy

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    i fully second this
     
  8. earllogjam

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    Honesty has gotten many a man in trouble. I think you ARE resposible for how they take it. I just think poorly of boorish pigs like yourself that think they can treat fellow human beings like shit and think it's OK and be completely divorced from all the trash they spew out and unnecessary feelings they hurt. Well what goes around comes around. You probably don't even have a clue anyways.
     
  9. jeff black

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    Without turning this into some sort of battle of the thread, I would just like to say my point and hope it comes across clearly.

    First, I don't think it was a requirement to make a comment like that, earl. You could have totally said it nicer.

    Second, my thoughts originally, were that that you may have a cold heart, or just not care about another person's feelings. However, I have had time to think about it. I think it is more of a case of: one of those guys who is fairly decent looking, and attracts people he isn't interested in. Perhaps the ones that are not the best at understanding what No means. At first, it was probably flattering, but then another person became interested in him, and then another, etc etc... Over time, you would get fairly frustrated with the process.

    I stick by my original point that you should try to be clear to the person who is interested in you. The original poster is just looking for an easier way to do this, to spare some feelings.
     
  10. surferboy

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    i think yer totally wrong. if someone likes me, and i don't like them back, i'm gonna be 100% honest with them. how am i responsible for how they take it? personally, if someone wasn't interested in me, i'd rather them be honest. and if they take me rejecting them badly, that's their bad, not mine. i'm not gonna pretend to like someone just to spare their feelings because they can't handle rejection.
     
  11. Mulebear

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    Very rarely has honesty gotten anyone in trouble and usually it is only after a dishonesty has been revealed. Being dishonest always leads to trouble.

    No. The only person who is responsible for your actions and feelings is you and only you. I have no control over how you will react to something nor do you have any control over how I react.

    For example: Mr. Black and the others have no resposibility for your rude behavior. You chose to be rude and, in my opinion, immature.
     
  12. hypolimnas

    hypolimnas Well-Known Member

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    1. What I used to say (Honest, but appalling on reflection.):
    Don't worry eveyone falls in love with me, you don't actually know me, it'll go away in a couple of weeks, you'll see.

    2. What I say now (Honest but compassionate. Compassion is a higher value than honesty in my current understanding of ethics):
    I'm sure you are a great person, sorry but I'm not looking for anyone new.

    People who are rejected can be hurt, and refer to one as a stuck up asshole whatever you do. I suppose I've become more comfortable with my second response. It appears to be the best I can come up with these days.

    Feel free to judge me, just don't assume I want to hear about it.
     
  13. jeff black

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    I like this one a lot more, hypolimnas. It makes them feel good, but tells the truth. nicely done.;
     
  14. Gillette

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    No one is responsible for how another person takes rejection unless that rejection is given in a particular way.

    There is a wealth of difference between, "I'm flattered, but not looking." and, "I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole".

    You can rebuff an advance without disrespecting the person.
     
  15. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

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  16. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    9 mm and a woodchipper.
     
  17. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    Okay honest answer: I must also argue that honesty really is the best way to go here. Speaking as a frequent rejectee, I would LOVE if women would just be honest about this stuff. It would even be really nice if they could give specific reasons but I don't expect that much effort, just a simple "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in you in that way," or something to that effect would be so refreshing and welcome and so much better than the typical response of just ignoring the person, or worse acting like you are interested when you really are not and then trying your best to avoid the subject, and then leaving the person that you are so ineptly rejecting wondering what the hell is going on, getting pissed off later because they didn't pick up on your completely esoteric signaling that you were not interested.

    IMO, if you can't have the decency just to be honest with someone 9/10 times I'm assuming this is because you don't like how uncomfortable it makes you feel having to address an awkward situation, not because you are legitimately concerned for the other person's feelings. If you were then most of the time the best thing really is honesty, even if it's not always the easiest.
     
  18. naughty

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    NIC,

    I do have to agree with you here. A good friend of mine put it into perspective for me. He said people usually are not trying to hurt you, they just arent thinking about you, period. Meaning they will do whatever is expedient for themselves. Having had the old "disappearing act" performed on me as a way of ending a 12 year dating relationship, I will say it is not the way to go. Running and hiding tends to create stalker behavior instead of circumventing it. No we can not help the insecurities that anyone brings to the table, but we can try to leave the person with their dignity and thinking well of us even though there may not be the future they hoped for. WHen someone expresses interest in you, they are giving you a gift.
     
  19. earllogjam

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    This board is entertainment, kind of like improv theater to me. Everyone is an actor, some play themselves, some play men with big dicks, some men play women...etc. Like reality TV don't take all my comments too seriously, some threads need a little drama interest wise. That said, maybe I did come across too strong. OK, its easy to be honest and rude in an uncaring way but more difficult to get your true feelings across with humor and charm. I guess that is why we admire those people who have those talents. Sometimes I feel that more is said and conveyed with what isn't said than what is in matters of the heart. (Pregnant pause)
     
  20. SpoiledPrincess

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    We're not responsible for how other people take rejection, well isn't that how the world got into a lot of the trouble it's in, that we just don't give a fuck about other people? What's wrong with trying to let them down in a way that might make them feel a little better about themselves, it takes no more effort than saying fuck off would.
     
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