How to handle a bi friend

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by ocolus8109, Aug 29, 2009.

  1. ocolus8109

    ocolus8109 Member

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    I have this really weird situation with this kid that I've known for probably five years, but just started hanging out with a couple of weeks ago. Even though I know he's bi, he's never come out and told me, I know from what he has told my best friend. I guess you would say I'm bi-curious, I prefer chicks, but have always been at least a little interested in hooking up with another dude and can appreciate a good looking man. He has a girlfriend (nothing serious), but every time he mentions her to me he just calls her "a friend".

    Anyways, we were fucked up last weekend at a concert with my group of friends, and every time I would glance over at him, I would notice us making eye contact for a couple seconds, same thing that happens with a chick when you're at a bar and can tell shes noticing you. He's good looking and built, and so am I so there is obviously some attraction there. Later on we were at a bar downtown and he went with me to the bathroom take a piss. I could tell he was watching me and I just turned around and gave him a smirk.

    He probably thinks I'm totally straight, everybody does, but I can just tell he thinks I'm hot. How do you all think I should pursue it, leave it alone and let it happen on its own or totally blow it off?
     
  2. seveninches7

    seveninches7 New Member

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    say something to him about it. it could end up being something really special.
     
  3. D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn

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    i wouldn't trust drunken moments to make a move like that unless you're prepared for awkwardness later on. I'd say try to see if you two make that same eye contact sober and then make a move!
     
  4. D_Deceptivus Wrongpeter

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    I didn't start to mess with guys till I turned 30, and I was introduced to sex with men from a "straight" buddy (He is popular with the ladies, blue collar -- you'd NEVER guess he is a cockhound). Even if it's the kinda sex you need only a few times a year, go for it. The dynamic is different from M to F sex.

    You are going to want to keep your privacy. Gay men are all about pride and being out, but I find if you're a "straight" guy who likes men on the DL, keep it to your self and pick guys that can too. If the ladies find out, you are going to have problems being pegged as "gay but hiding." I was in an MMF a few years ago and Ms. F couldn't keep her mouth shut. Life got instantly complicated.

    Since you know this guy for years, and he's warm for you, and there isn't already a lot of ambient gossip about what he likes to do with his cock, I'd say go for it.

    Do you guys camp or fish? Get him in a zone where you are buddy to buddy. Ask him about being bisexual. Do it in a conversational way. Ask him what M to M sex is like. That's how I got started, and I never regretted it.

    Find out if your buddy is interested in you just sexually, or if it's romantic. If your buddy wants you just sexually that's ok, but he may want you romantically, and that might be a problem. Personally, I find most older bi men are comfortable in the "buddy love" zone: you are really buddies except you have sex too. Not romantic, not love. Younger bi guys are still figuring it all out and it's much harder to predict because they are still learning their feelings.

    Think ahead what you want to do sexually where you want to draw a line. DO NOT be a cock tease. The "easiest" think is for him to give you head. If you wanna try recip, go for it. Don't mess with anal unless you guys are really sure of your feelings, and preferably have some kind of anal experience.

    How old are you guys?
     
  5. sexplease

    Gold Member

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    Let the the boundry of your friendship flow like the tides.
    Enjoy the movement and transiency of life.
     
    #5 sexplease, Aug 29, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2009
  6. D_Jerry_Atric

    D_Jerry_Atric Account Disabled

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    There's some good advice here.

    You don't have to do any anal sex at all when you have sex with men.

    I've been having sex with men for years and I've never done anal intercourse giving or getting it.

    There's nothing wrong with falling in love with men or having romance for them, or preferring partnerships with men and not women; but if you don't want this with someone tell them this.

    The same goes for being out but if you don't want to be out or aren't ready to come out tell him this.
     
  7. D_Jerry_Atric

    D_Jerry_Atric Account Disabled

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    Whatever you do don't be a tease or say that you want sex with him and then flake out or make up excuses at the last second and do this multiple times. Since you have relationships and date women imagine what you'd do if a woman did this to you.

    I have a friend that's bisexual and not out and he's told me stuff that no heterosexual guy says to another guy and asks for sex with me like straight men don't do, and we both know he wants to mess around or have sex with men or me, but he'll ask for sex and make up excuses and after he flaked out the first time I moved on and found better men who aren't like this.
     
    #7 D_Jerry_Atric, Aug 29, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2009
  8. D_Jerry_Atric

    D_Jerry_Atric Account Disabled

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    This is also an excellent point.

    Do it sober and don't involve alcohol or other drugs.

    While I did have all of my first time sexual experiences with men and women after drinking alcohol I had a very high tolerance and nobody was forced into anything they did not want to do, everything was consensual, and I'm happy that I do not drink that much anymore.

    ocolus-What did he tell your friend?
     
  9. ocolus8109

    ocolus8109 Member

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    He's 18 and I just turned 19. I have no interest in anything romantic with a guy, I'm not attracted to them that way, but I am somewhat physically attracted to good looking built guys. The most I would want to do at this point is give each other head and fingering. I just got out of a year long relationship with a girl and am hooking up with everybody I get the chance with and this guy caught my eye.
     
  10. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    I am more into guys for friendship and company and doing things together. But few things work better for me than a little prostate massage while I jerk off. Hope it works out for the two of you.
     
  11. D_Deceptivus Wrongpeter

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    That sounds good to me: go for it and good luck. Let us know how it turns out.
     
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