How to initiate contact

[Okieboy123]

I’ve never done something like this so was hoping to get some advice. There is a “straight” guy that I want to message on FB but we’ve never actually met and I feel like I may come across a little stalker-ish. Just a little back story - several years ago when my ex and I first started dating, he had hooked up with this guy a few times, I came across some of their old messages at the time which is how I know who he is. From his FB profile and social media he appears to be straight and had a girlfriend up until recently so my guess is he’s secretly bi at the least. I think he’s cute and am very intrigued by him. Recently I looked him up on FB and he moved to another city about 80 miles away so I feel like it makes it even weirder for me to send him a random message or friend request. One other thing, I used the explore option on Grindr to search profiles in his area periodically and about a week ago I managed to catch him on there so I sent him a message but he was already offline, the next day his profile and my message were gone so he either deleted his account or blocked me, but I don’t have a picture on my profile so he wouldn’t know who I was. How can I initiate some sort of contact with him without it being weird, what should I say?

 

[northernirish]

When the profile completely disappears yea that means you have been blocked. When they delete their account or they get banned, their profile still shows but it will just say offline. Honestly man, I think because you don't know first hand about his situation and you found out about it by coming across messages or whispers and that, it would be weird if you sort of tracked him down and messaged him. I think because you said you never met him, any way you randomly add him and message him could come across as weird, and it could spook him out also and make him paranoid that word of him being in the closet has got out.

 

[SC Tennis]

I have a bit of a different perspective. First, I don’t think it would hurt to send him a friend request through FB. If he doesn’t want to connect, he’ll just delete or deny your request. If he doesn’t add you, there you go. If he does add, you could see if he gives any clue that he might be interested - such as if he likes any of your photos. Then you could start a messenger conversation. I definitely wouldn’t be too direct, and just randomly jump into, “I know you’ve hooked up with a dude before, and I’m hoping you’ll wanna do me too.” Not that it sounds like you would. I wouldn’t read too much into the Grindr thing. I know a guy who deactivated his account, and then reactivates. When he deactivates, everything goes away, but when he reactivates, he’ll message me sometimes, and everything is back. If you have any friends with Grindr, maybe see if you can check from their phones.
I think it’s best to take it gently. Like Northernirish said, you don’t want to freak him out.
I hope it works out for you!

 

[Okieboy123]

I have a bit of a different perspective. First, I don’t think it would hurt to send him a friend request through FB. If he doesn’t want to connect, he’ll just delete or deny your request. If he doesn’t add you, there you go. If he does add, you could see if he gives any clue that he might be interested - such as if he likes any of your photos. Then you could start a messenger conversation. I definitely wouldn’t be too direct, and just randomly jump into, “I know you’ve hooked up with a dude before, and I’m hoping you’ll wanna do me too.” Not that it sounds like you would. I wouldn’t read too much into the Grindr thing. I know a guy who deactivated his account, and then reactivates. When he deactivates, everything goes away, but when he reactivates, he’ll message me sometimes, and everything is back. If you have any friends with Grindr, maybe see if you can check from their phones.
I think it’s best to take it gently. Like Northernirish said, you don’t want to freak him out.
I hope it works out for you!

Thanks! I may send him a friend request if I ever build up the courage lol. I’m definitely not trying to freak him out or anything, just always thought he was cute and we seem to have similar interests. I guess my main dilemma is what to say if he accepts and/or asks why I sent him a friend request, I’m sure I’m overthinking it lol. My post may have come across the wrong way, but I’m really just wanting to make contact with him and see if it goes anywhere, friendship or otherwise. He could totally not even be interested for all I know, but I’m at least as attractive as my ex if not more so I figure there’s a chance. Even though I have gay friends, I don’t really fit in with my gay friend circles since most guys I meet assume I will hook up with them and end up making me uncomfortable including close friends. Would be nice to be able to make friends that aren’t into the gay scene. The reason I got reminded of him was I was deleting some old pictures/screenshots from my phone and I found a message between him and my ex which I had saved at the time so I could look up who he was so decided to look him up.