How to keep straight friends after coming out as gay?

[679892]

I came out 2 years ago and most of my mates were fine with it. A couple are still struggling and are very weird around me. I have tried talking to them about it but they walk away from me and say nothing wrong. What's the best way to sort this out?

There isn't a way to sort it out at your end. You can ask said friends if everything is ok, but if they don't want to talk about it or have an issue with your sexuality then there is very little that you can do about it. It would be their issue, not your issue.

Give them the opportunity to talk about it, if that fails I wouldn't spend anymore time worrying about it.

 

[notthatguy]

If i was gay, and came out, should not make a difference to my real friends.

 

[Chrysippus]

That's your opinion, and I disagree: if friends can't support you, they aren't friends.

 

[AdamHenry]

It they wig out after you coming out, Give them time to digest it. After a few weeks they're still distant, Find new friends.

 

[Chrysippus]

Regardless of your sexual orientation, if your friend can't support you for who you are, (s)he's not your friend.

 

[Mark5134]

Yes exactly! He has asked for me to be phased out of the group. Won't share a hotel room with me. Doesn't invite me to a events he plans. Won't sit near me. Gets very uncomfortable when left alone with me. But denies it all if I approached him about it.

 

[Chrysippus]

Yes exactly! He has asked for me to be phased out of the group. Won't share a hotel room with me. Doesn't invite me to a events he plans. Won't sit near me. Gets very uncomfortable when left alone with me. But denies it all if I approached him about it.

1.) 'He has asked for me to be phased out of the group'. This is exclusion.
2.) 'He won't share a hotel room with me.' Not so bad--I wouldn't share a hotel room with anyone, either. I like my privacy.
Question, though: did he do this willingly in the past? If he did, this is exclusion.
3.) Doesn;t invite me to a events he plans. This is exclusion. He doesn't want to associate with you.
4.) Won't sit near me. This is exclusion.
5.) Uncomfortable when left alone with me. The discomfort is his--he has a problem.
6.) Denies it all. He has a problem.

What does it take to make you realize this guy is NOT your friend, even though at one time you and he thought you were friends.
He can't accept your being gay and can't get past it.
YOU CAN! Move on.

 

[Mark5134]

1.) 'He has asked for me to be phased out of the group'. This is exclusion.
2.) 'He won't share a hotel room with me.' Not so bad--I wouldn't share a hotel room with anyone, either. I like my privacy.
Question, though: did he do this willingly in the past? If he did, this is exclusion.
3.) Doesn;t invite me to a events he plans. This is exclusion. He doesn't want to associate with you.
4.) Won't sit near me. This is exclusion.
5.) Uncomfortable when left alone with me. The discomfort is his--he has a problem.
6.) Denies it all. He has a problem.

What does it take to make you realize this guy is NOT your friend, even though at one time you and he thought you were friends.
He can't accept your being gay and can't get past it.
YOU CAN! Move on.

Yes we have shared hotel rooms in the past and it's got nothing to do with privacy as there was 6 of us splitting into 3 rooms.

As for what does it take for me to realise his not my friend. I realised 9 months ago but because we still see each other at least once a week through mutual friends I was just hoping to make it easier but it doesn't look like that can happen

 

[Jujurice]

when my friend came out nothing really changed except he came to me for advice more with relationship issues. we kept our normal relationship & routine. our biggest change was from looking at the girls at the gym to laughing to the girls who are trying to hard too hard to pick up.

 

[Jujurice]

correction:
went from looking at the girls at the gym to laughing at the girls at the gym who are trying too hard and making mean comments.

 

[BetterFuture]

OP, if they

I came out 2 years ago and most of my mates were fine with it. A couple are still struggling and are very weird around me. I have tried talking to them about it but they walk away from me and say nothing wrong. What's the best way to sort this out?

If they were truly your friends, it shouldn't matter... sure they might be surprised and need a couple of days to let it soak in... but 2 years?

 

[Mark5134]

How did he justified the hotel room thing? And how the rest of your friends reacted to that that and other incidents?

He didn't justify it and my other friends don't seem to care

 

[Mark5134]

I know they typically only want straight guys commenting on this but whatever.

I dont see how you coming out makes you any different than the person you were the day before unless you changed up on them. I know some men who tend to embrace their sexuality after coming out and they do change up rather it be how they dress their mannerisms and other things, to me I dont get it but to each his own. I dont see how they would feel differently unless you did change up on them or started bringing men around them or started talking about men around them. That's just something to think about. I'm not saying dont be who you feel comfortable being and acting im more so saying that you have to expect to lose some old friends but make some new ones along the way. This really applies to alot of changes people make in life.

I have not change at all I dress the same and act the same. I haven't brought any guys into the group and only talk about guys if someone asks.

 

[Krusader]

If they dont stick with you after coming out, dont call them friends

 

[Bidenialer]

What about if you realizr your bi. You love yout mrs but love a bit of ....or lot of cock too....

 

[Mark5134]

What about if you realizr your bi. You love yout mrs but love a bit of ....or lot of cock too....

That's a question for them not me

 

[Mark5134]

Why isn't it an option? because the last two years should've shown you that he has no problem with "phasing you out" as a friend. That's just an excuse, LET HIM GO!![/QUOTE
Me and him are in a group of 10 guys so to not see him I have to lose my other 8 mates that I don't have a problem with. I don't see the excuse.