How to move from 'friendly' to sexual?

[Hobo with a Penis]

Alright, so being a virgin, i'm getting frustrated and trying my best to get laid. However something that seems to be common with all the girls I see is that they used to think of me as just a friend because i never 'made a move.'

I had one of them tell me this and analyzed what happened in the past and realized this was the problem. So lately i've been trying to be more physical. I've started to touch girls like lightly on the shoulder or hugging instead of waving when i meet, etc, etc.

I can easily make eye contact no problem, and i'm trying to be more playful and funny when i talk with them instead of the usual "what do you do" interview stuff I used to do.


Now this has worked in getting girls to go out with me, or spend time or be around me, but then I can never push it to a level where I feel she wants me, or that it's going anywhere.

Since i've never been sexual before, I don't know how to get there, I can't escalate it to that level.



Take tonight for example. I'm out with my band and we're playing beer pong, things are going good, i get on the team with this smokin' hot blonde. We say hi exchange names, and throughout the night i'm checking her out, and she's giving me hi-fives and we're standing really close together and joking around, and in the off-games she's in the distance and i'll catch her gaze every once and awhile, etc. But it never goes past that.



TIPS, HELP, ANything, that will let me finally move on and be able to fully understand women so I won't be inept. It's like a catch22, i can't get them because i don't know what to do but i don't know what to do because i can't get them!

 

[B_socalstud89]

Dude,

So having recently lost my virginity in April, I'll have to tell you don't try. I finally decided that I was ready and just let my self go. Two weeks later I met this really hot girl at a party, she was a friend of a friend. We talked briefly, then later agian a few hours later. And before the sun had rose the day after 420. i had had sex seven times.

 

[Hobo with a Penis]

What do you mean don't try, if you don't try, from what i've seen it's not going to happen, that's been self-evident.

 

[Hobo with a Penis]

Alright, then how do you express interest without being creepy/too much?

The funny thing is a lot of people don't think I am too (a virgin), which I guess is a good thing?

 

[Jovial]

I started a related thread a few days ago: http://www.lpsg.org/92858-how-do-you-let-someone.html

I am similar to you in that I don't let girls know I like them sexually enough, so I've been thinking about this question also. The suggestion I would make is to try giving some physical compliments or just generally telling her you think she is beautiful. Most girls want you to be the one that is assertive. They won't come onto you if they don't think you like them that way, but if you compliment them they may be more confident letting you know they like you. And I think it is easier if you are alone with the girl, not just at a party, then you can try kissing her without worrying about other people around.

And the problem I find with the advice in these types of threads is no one is very specific. Some of us need specific examples of what was said, how each person reacted, etc. leading up to the sexual part.

 

[NEWREBA]

Well I do think that guys approach this issue like it's something to solve, like a math problem. I know that guys want some answer like: #1,#2,#3, problem solved.

My suggestion is that you be yourself. If you find a particular girl attractive or interesting, talk to her and see what happens. Just stop thinking about how you're going to get her in bed. Girls can sense that a million miles away.

 

[D_one lap down]

If things are going good, why don't you just straight up ask them out?

 

[Hobo with a Penis]

^^ well in this particular case it's a friend's friend and there always there, so if things didn't work out it'd be awkward.

Well NEWREBA that's what i've been doing for the past 21 years and nothings happened. Unfortunately me being myself gets us as far as your basic what do you do, where are you from, etc, etc.

Which goes nowhere.

 

[Jovial]

My suggestion is that you be yourself. If you find a particular girl attractive or interesting, talk to her and see what happens. Just stop thinking about how you're going to get her in bed. Girls can sense that a million miles away.

In his story he said he did try talking to a girl and seeing what happened...nothing. And I think he was hoping that girls would sense that he wants to get them in bed.

Take tonight for example. I'm out with my band and we're playing beer pong, things are going good, i get on the team with this smokin' hot blonde. We say hi exchange names, and throughout the night i'm checking her out, and she's giving me hi-fives and we're standing really close together and joking around, and in the off-games she's in the distance and i'll catch her gaze every once and awhile, etc. But it never goes past that.

----------

If things are going good, why don't you just straight up ask them out?

He said he does go out with girls, just can't get sexual with them.

Now this has worked in getting girls to go out with me, or spend time or be around me, but then I can never push it to a level where I feel she wants me, or that it's going anywhere.

 

[Danny D]

Hey Dude!!

Okay, I think its Confidence, they way you talk to them, being happy and funny... a girl knows if you like her when you give her a nice look, and throw in a compliment or too!!
If she is enjoying herself and flirts back with you, then your onto a good start!!

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

Take tonight for example. I'm out with my band and we're playing beer pong, things are going good, i get on the team with this smokin' hot blonde. We say hi exchange names, and throughout the night i'm checking her out, and she's giving me hi-fives and we're standing really close together and joking around, and in the off-games she's in the distance and i'll catch her gaze every once and awhile, etc. But it never goes past that.

Ive always found (because its worked for and on me) if your at a club and already made the initial contact but cant make the major move of going over to them when you see her looking hold your drink up and point to it and then her. If she is interested then she will take that as an invite to come and have a drink with you.

That way she decides and you don't have to make the awkward walk over to her while she's with all her friends

 

[HamYai]

The right trousers and working up a huge boner usually seems to do the trick.:wink:

Now THAT is confidence.:biggrin1:

 

[Hobo with a Penis]

Yeah i've been doing my best to actually start flirting, as before I never would because of nervousness.

I'm starting to tease/joke around with woman as before I would only do that to guys and not girls. Like they could say something like "Aw man I don't know what's wrong today I can't make anything!" (meaning using the same example the ping pong ball in the cup) and i'll lightly nudge them on the arm and say like "Oh so you're saying it's a pretty normal night for you tonight?" with a smile, and they usually laugh/smile.

But it's weird, like i don't know at what point, after how much, after any signs of interest, etc when it's a good idea to go further. And is going further at that point just as simple as kissing her?

I don't know, i think i'm just too fearful of rejection again but i guess you can't regret the shots you don't take.

 

[sdg475]

Most of the time a girl decides if you're fuckable within the first 5 minutes of knowing you. My advice would be to start meeting new women, and to be confident from the start. You should be kind and caring, but at the same time don't act like you're trying to get them to like you. Make it clear that you are interested, but at the same time don't act like you'll be crushed if she rejects. This might sound a little cold, but you'll have time to be nicer later once a strong interest is established.

Don't try and work on girls that have put you in the friends category, consider them lost causes. Of course you can still be their friend, but don't expect anything more.

Your beer pong situation- just be a bit bolder. This can be hard, but you have to just hold your breath and make a move some times. Next time when you score a cup try putting your arm around her hip (and maybe brush her ass "accidentally"). Don't be disrespectful, but take charge.

Just continue to be confident, it'll all work out for you before you know it.

 

[Hobo with a Penis]

Yeah i get friend zoned a lot.

My biggest problem was pretty much all of high school i was infatuated with this 1 girl that saw me as just a friend, because at the time i didn't know, but i made the mistake of telling her how much I liked her the first time.

I've learned now that i should NEVER do that!!

I went out with her again recently after a couple years of college, and after the 2nd date she would always happen to be 'busy' whenever i'd ask the next few times and what she told me was she was 'looking to have fun and not a relationship' on the 1st date, and then in the next 3 weeks she's now in a relationship w/ a dude (according to facebook) so that was a load of shit.

I took it hard at first but it didn't hurt as much this time because now i've realized how she sort of led me on and uses/used me as a 'confidence booster' whenever she'd just get out of a relationship since she knew I liked her, and since she knew I was incapable of going to the next lvl i guess she'd get the validation for free and then pit me in competition w/ other guys. (As in use me so other guys know there's another guy interested in her)

But...after realizing all this a couple days later it no longer hurts, it's more of an anger that she'd appear sweet & innocent yet treat me so badly.


So i'm trying to do what I think is best lately to get through it, and that's meeting other women. Luckily through my bandmates i've met a lot of their female friends through them as we're going out more. However, none seem to be interested in me. Then again I haven't had many conversations outside of a couple longer then "Hi, how was your day?" so maybe some of them do hah.



anyway, just the random venting musings of a lonely hobo at 4:30am.

 

[B_icem]

1. get them alone

2. whip it out

 

[sdg475]

The girl that you just described sounds like bad news. I've known a girl that's exactly like what you said- and go figure, I liked her at that point in time. I figured out fast that she wasn't worth it. We still hang out and talk occasionally, but strictly as friends.

If she ever gets flirty or if I feel that she's trying to use me (she's an attractive girl and knows how to get what she wants from a lot of guys) I just plainly tell her to stop. I guess I'm trying to say if you can handle being platonic friends with the girl you mentioned then cool, but don't stress out over it. There's always going to be that hint of tension, but you can't act on it. Even if it does work out temporarily, you won't be able to trust her knowing what she's like.

Sounds like you've done the right thing by moving on. Sometimes getting a girl is just a numbers game, so hang in there.

 

[D_Carroll Condomripper]

Well I do think that guys approach this issue like it's something to solve, like a math problem. I know that guys want some answer like: #1,#2,#3, problem solved.

I wish it was as simple as a math problem.

 

[goodwood]

OK hobo - first of all i am sorry you are so frustrated. But for what its worth, every guy here is giving you good advice.
Every time I have tried to get laid with a hot, girl who was a friend - never worked. Every time I was just myself and paid no attention to trying to get laid....BOOM! The women were/are wanting me to fuck them. It is the weirdest thing. It's not a virgin thing - it happens even to us old guys.
After a dry spell a friend of mine told me 'quit trying so hard!'. I quit trying and got laid immediately.
When I act like a clueless, happy, social guy - all of a sudden women want to have sex with me. The only thing is - I can't act to save my life. lol. So when I am a clueless, happy, social guy...that is when I get laid.
You will be just fine and when you LEAST expect it....you will be reporting back that you got some. :smile:
Until then - do what you do. Have fun. And don't forget to flirt and smile and act bashful, but desirous and confident of yourself.
Keep us posted.

 

[erqwa]

This all depends on how mature/well-adjusted she is. If you two can level with each other on some "I exist as you do, and I enjoy pleasure" type shit, then you're in.

If not... you'll be making metaphors and allegories until you can't stand it.