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How to politely ask if someone has HIV +

lopo2000

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Now we're going into a scary world and people we want to have sex with might be infected with some dangerous and scary diseases. I'm a virgin and I'm particularly scared of having my first because of this (I blew my chance to do it with a guy who has a thick 8 inches just because of this!).

So, I really don't know how you guys survive, but did you guys make sure at least if the person has HIV? or do you guys just jump on his bones just like that?

How to politely ask if someone has HIV?
 

Gedackt8

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It's pretty simple. Just say something like, "Before we do anything, I'd like to know your HIV status. When was the last time you were tested?"
 

tiagra

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Get to know the person well. The sex is better when it's more than just physical. Once you know them the topic will come up and if you're not sure use a condom.
 

billyporn

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First, always use a condom anyway because they may not know they are positive, or have any other diseases. Second, I would just ask straight up if they are STD and HIV free.
 

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2 of my exes insisted we both get tested (and show each other the test results) before we had sex.

The first one was when I lost my virginity. I was too embarassed to tell her I didn't have any STDs because I was a virgin, so I went in for the test anyway.
 

FuzzyKen

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I have in my lifetime and before my marriage dated many HIV sero-positive men. The best advice is sort of a combination of the postings done by "tiagra" and "Joca". If you get to take a little time to get to know people the sex is better. Until you know the person really well always without fail make certain that you simply have protected sex.

There is one other rule no matter what. Never have this kind of discussion with any person if they have been drinking or "partying" in any other way. People under the influence of alcohol often make bad decisions and it is those decisions that are the most dangerous.

In addition, I would NEVER limit your questioning to HIV. The best way to do it and to do it safely is simply to laugh and ask, "Hey, dude, since it appears that we are headed for the "fun zone" I need you to know that I have been tested and as of xx-xx-xx I was negative for HIV, Hepatitis and I do not have any kind of STD that I know of. Let's hear a little about you and we can then make a few plans to assure a good time for both of us that we will always remember as GREAT!
 

avg_joe

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Abstinence is the way to go for me. I don't trust no one when it comes to HIV/AIDS.
 

invisibleman

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Now we're going into a scary world and people we want to have sex with might be infected with some dangerous and scary diseases. I'm a virgin and I'm particularly scared of having my first because of this (I blew my chance to do it with a guy who has a thick 8 inches just because of this!).

ANY MAN THAT LEAVES YOU BECAUSE HE CAN'T TELL YOU HIS HIV STATUS--YOU DIDN'T LOSE. THAT IS A BLESSING. If you can have sex with someone, you should be able to talk to them about anything. IF he can't tell you about anything and he leaves you, forget that fucker.

So, I really don't know how you guys survive, but did you guys make sure at least if the person has HIV? or do you guys just jump on his bones just like that?

How to politely ask if someone has HIV?

If you are really needing to know...you ask. Then you assume that the guy has HIV, then you either use condoms and condom-compatible lube...or you both can go to a clinic and get tested together...and get your results together...if you both test negative...then you can fuck without the condoms AT YOUR RISK...but that doesn't negate the other possible STDS he may have. So...you both may have to get a full-STD screen at the clinic to be on the safe side.
 

Cougar

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Both parties bring a recent status paper and condoms.

If they hesitale or baulk, they don't care and are having unprotected sex anyway
 

wokfaux

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Your health and safety is more important than being polite. :3
 

Bbucko

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Only you have the power to protect yourself against transmission of HIV and other STDs. Adult, consensual sex means that you have informed yourself of risks versus rewards and understand what you need to do to both be satisfied sexually and how to keep yourself safe. Irrespective of what anyone may tell you regarding his/her HIV status (and no matter what "proof" they may provide), you should always assume that someone is HIV-positive unless proven otherwise.

People lie all the time; it's a fact of life that's really simple. Until the stigma of being HIV-positive has been eliminated (not likely in my lifetime), people will continue to lie about their sero-status. Additionally, the only way to be certain of anyone's status (including, obviously, yourself) is to be tested thirteen weeks following the last unprotected sexual encounter. Until and unless you can verify that the person you've been with has been 100% monogamous and/or abstinent for the thirteen weeks prior to testing, results in and of themselves are meaningless.

I have been HIV-positive for twenty-six years, BTW.
 

Bbucko

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WOW! 26 years... I bet you have seen dramatic changes in the treatment of HIV both socially and medically.

Medically the changes have made the difference between life and death for those who have access to the latest technology and medication. Sadly (criminally, actually), the majority of people living with HIV world-wide don't.

And because so few people have survived as long as I have, they're still learning how HIV affects (and disrupts) the aging process. It's sometimes a real challenge to find a medical professional who even knows what to look for, let alone the best choices in treatment.

Socially? I'm not so sure. Ignorance abounds and the stigma endures. Color me skeptical about any great acceptance any time soon.
 

MovingForward

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Have sex with everyone as if they were Hiv+, once you are in a relationship, its ok to both get tested for the security of the both
 

ChaoticBliss

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Be direct. Ask if they know their status. HIV/AIDS is nothing to play with. If they get offended, oh well. It isn't something that can be undone. And of course, if you don't know the person, use a condom. Better safe than sorry.
 

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How about showing some self-restraint???? Why would you even move in circles where there are people who might be exposed to HIV? From the question, I presume that you are not taking sufficient time to get to know the other person involved. It is likely that that person may not know his/her status, or, may lie about it. Yes - people lie.

Take sufficient time to get to know the other person, and, then, be cautious.

There are no guarantees.

Caveat emptor!
 
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Now we're going into a scary world and people we want to have sex with might be infected with some dangerous and scary diseases. I'm a virgin and I'm particularly scared of having my first because of this (I blew my chance to do it with a guy who has a thick 8 inches just because of this!).

So, I really don't know how you guys survive, but did you guys make sure at least if the person has HIV? or do you guys just jump on his bones just like that?

How to politely ask if someone has HIV?


Use condoms!! Regardless of whether you're newly dating or not.

The only way you can be certain is by having sex with a guy who hasnt mixed bodily fluids with anyone after his test and recieving the results.It only takes one time.....
 

ginger_qboy

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Socially? I'm not so sure. Ignorance abounds and the stigma endures. Color me skeptical about any great acceptance any time soon.

I agree... sadly. HIV has a horrible stigma attached to it. Although, I must admit that most people my age and younger (at least around here) are less ignorant about HIV/AIDS on average. This seems to vary regionally.

I remember several HIV+ motivational speakers presenting in High School... Toronto hosts a large HIV/AIDS awareness event - Fashion Cares...
MANY commercials on TV depicting young females in-love but totally unaware that they are HIV+, the ads are geared towards hetersexuals...

No, society does not embrace HIV/AIDS with open arms however it IS improving.
 

briefs

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Like Bbucko says, always assume the other person is HIV-poz, not to mention having other STDs. You have to be responsible for yourself. Guys will say anything to have a good time.
I've been poz since before 1982, I think, but only got confirmation after 1987. Half my life. I always disclose my status.
And, like ChaoticBliss says, just ask. But still protect yourself.
 

scottredleter

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Just look at the ads on Craigslist... that will prove to you that everyone is HIV - because they say so. No body would ever lie about something like that... either be like the guy on an earlier post and never have sex and live in fear the rest of your life alone, or educate yourself about how HIV s transmitted and talk openly (and soberly) about HIV. One thing I will say is that I think a lot of people fall into this, "they look healthy and go to the gym and have a smoking body, so there's no way they could be HIV+."
That really doesn't work.
Treat everyone like they were HIV + and think long and hard if yo trust your partner enough to never have any sex outside your relationship once you've determined that you are both neg. I've heard some really sad stories about couple who dropped condom use just a little too early.
 

matticus201

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Excellent advice in this thread, as always, from Bbucko and others. You just need to learn to be upfront and honest about your status, and be unafraid to question the status of others when you get down to it. You also have to take the appropriate steps to protect yourself and the other person every time without fail. If one is too embarrased to ask what a person's status is, then that person isn't mature enough for sexual activity.
 

TomCat84

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First, assume everyone is HIV+....wear condoms and use water or silicone based lube. Second, EDUCATE YOURSELF ABOUT HIV. Know how it works, and what the different levels of risks are that are associated with different acts. Be open minded with those who are poz. They dont have lepresy.
 

FuzzyKen

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There is an interesting point made here. Early on the guy who looked like a bodybuilder was the guy you assumed to be healthy. Today, with the steroids and male HRT as part of the treatment plan, for the most part it is relatively easy to spot an individual receiving advanced HIV treatment. If you're medically savvy you just have to know what markers are good indicators. Again, the idea here is education and knowing how to prevent transmission of the condition. This means not only knowing the other fellow, it means knowing yourself as well.

Isn't it just easier to have your fun and have it safely? Condoms and other things can reduce the chances of transmission even under bad conditions to almost the same as winning Powerball. Knowing the transmission pathways in addition and compensating accordingly can still give both parties a great time with nearly zero chance of spreading anything.

Common sense and always assume sero-positive are the answers.
 

Lex

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Fuzzy Ken and Bbucko have really hit all the nails on the head. I remember the first time I had the nerve to ask a guy with whom I was flirting what his status was, he was upfront, honest and told me how impressed he was that I asked in the first place.

^^^this.

people con lie. people can just not know yet.

This, to me, is more prevalent that lying. So many people do not know their status as they either don't get tested regularly or they assume because they don't "feel" bad that they are not postive.
 

dolfette

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This, to me, is more prevalent that lying. So many people do not know their status as they either don't get tested regularly or they assume because they don't "feel" bad that they are not postive.
there must be millions who have no idea.
but there have been a few cases hit the news where someone found out and gone psycho, deciding to take as many people as they could with them.

scary.
 

jerryhall

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You can offer information about your own status, that usually elicits a response. Of course, there is always the credibility factor of the other person, so condoms are a must.
 

BigDallasDick8x6

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You could just say "What's your HIV status?" I am a Midwesterner and I am very direct.

But.......why bother asking? Always assume everyone you are about to have sex with is HIV + and use condoms. You won't regret that.
 

midlifebear

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BigDallasdick is wise. Listen to him. And there is NOTHING impolite asking about one's HIV status. NOTHING! What? You're willing to risk HIV infection because of Emily Post?
 
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