How to politely ask if someone has HIV +

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by lopo2000, Feb 16, 2010.

  1. lopo2000

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    Now we're going into a scary world and people we want to have sex with might be infected with some dangerous and scary diseases. I'm a virgin and I'm particularly scared of having my first because of this (I blew my chance to do it with a guy who has a thick 8 inches just because of this!).

    So, I really don't know how you guys survive, but did you guys make sure at least if the person has HIV? or do you guys just jump on his bones just like that?

    How to politely ask if someone has HIV?
     
  2. Gedackt8

    Gedackt8 New Member

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    It's pretty simple. Just say something like, "Before we do anything, I'd like to know your HIV status. When was the last time you were tested?"
     
  3. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    I don't think you need to ask. Just make a point of having always protected sex, especially with someone you don't know very well.
     
  4. tiagra

    tiagra New Member

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    Get to know the person well. The sex is better when it's more than just physical. Once you know them the topic will come up and if you're not sure use a condom.
     
  5. billyporn

    billyporn New Member

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    First, always use a condom anyway because they may not know they are positive, or have any other diseases. Second, I would just ask straight up if they are STD and HIV free.
     
  6. RawDog

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    2 of my exes insisted we both get tested (and show each other the test results) before we had sex.

    The first one was when I lost my virginity. I was too embarassed to tell her I didn't have any STDs because I was a virgin, so I went in for the test anyway.
     
  7. FuzzyKen

    FuzzyKen New Member

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    I have in my lifetime and before my marriage dated many HIV sero-positive men. The best advice is sort of a combination of the postings done by "tiagra" and "Joca". If you get to take a little time to get to know people the sex is better. Until you know the person really well always without fail make certain that you simply have protected sex.

    There is one other rule no matter what. Never have this kind of discussion with any person if they have been drinking or "partying" in any other way. People under the influence of alcohol often make bad decisions and it is those decisions that are the most dangerous.

    In addition, I would NEVER limit your questioning to HIV. The best way to do it and to do it safely is simply to laugh and ask, "Hey, dude, since it appears that we are headed for the "fun zone" I need you to know that I have been tested and as of xx-xx-xx I was negative for HIV, Hepatitis and I do not have any kind of STD that I know of. Let's hear a little about you and we can then make a few plans to assure a good time for both of us that we will always remember as GREAT!
     
  8. avg_joe

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    Abstinence is the way to go for me. I don't trust no one when it comes to HIV/AIDS.
     
  9. invisibleman

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    If you are really needing to know...you ask. Then you assume that the guy has HIV, then you either use condoms and condom-compatible lube...or you both can go to a clinic and get tested together...and get your results together...if you both test negative...then you can fuck without the condoms AT YOUR RISK...but that doesn't negate the other possible STDS he may have. So...you both may have to get a full-STD screen at the clinic to be on the safe side.
     
  10. Cougar

    Cougar New Member

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    Both parties bring a recent status paper and condoms.

    If they hesitale or baulk, they don't care and are having unprotected sex anyway
     
  11. wokfaux

    wokfaux New Member

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    Your health and safety is more important than being polite. :3
     
  12. Bbucko

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    Only you have the power to protect yourself against transmission of HIV and other STDs. Adult, consensual sex means that you have informed yourself of risks versus rewards and understand what you need to do to both be satisfied sexually and how to keep yourself safe. Irrespective of what anyone may tell you regarding his/her HIV status (and no matter what "proof" they may provide), you should always assume that someone is HIV-positive unless proven otherwise.

    People lie all the time; it's a fact of life that's really simple. Until the stigma of being HIV-positive has been eliminated (not likely in my lifetime), people will continue to lie about their sero-status. Additionally, the only way to be certain of anyone's status (including, obviously, yourself) is to be tested thirteen weeks following the last unprotected sexual encounter. Until and unless you can verify that the person you've been with has been 100% monogamous and/or abstinent for the thirteen weeks prior to testing, results in and of themselves are meaningless.

    I have been HIV-positive for twenty-six years, BTW.
     
  13. ginger_qboy

    ginger_qboy Member

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    WOW! 26 years... I bet you have seen dramatic changes in the treatment of HIV both socially and medically.
     
  14. Bbucko

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    Medically the changes have made the difference between life and death for those who have access to the latest technology and medication. Sadly (criminally, actually), the majority of people living with HIV world-wide don't.

    And because so few people have survived as long as I have, they're still learning how HIV affects (and disrupts) the aging process. It's sometimes a real challenge to find a medical professional who even knows what to look for, let alone the best choices in treatment.

    Socially? I'm not so sure. Ignorance abounds and the stigma endures. Color me skeptical about any great acceptance any time soon.
     
  15. MovingForward

    MovingForward Member

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    Have sex with everyone as if they were Hiv+, once you are in a relationship, its ok to both get tested for the security of the both
     
  16. ChaoticBliss

    ChaoticBliss Member

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    Be direct. Ask if they know their status. HIV/AIDS is nothing to play with. If they get offended, oh well. It isn't something that can be undone. And of course, if you don't know the person, use a condom. Better safe than sorry.
     
  17. HorseHung40's

    HorseHung40's Well-Known Member

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    How about showing some self-restraint???? Why would you even move in circles where there are people who might be exposed to HIV? From the question, I presume that you are not taking sufficient time to get to know the other person involved. It is likely that that person may not know his/her status, or, may lie about it. Yes - people lie.

    Take sufficient time to get to know the other person, and, then, be cautious.

    There are no guarantees.

    Caveat emptor!
     
  18. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    Use condoms!! Regardless of whether you're newly dating or not.

    The only way you can be certain is by having sex with a guy who hasnt mixed bodily fluids with anyone after his test and recieving the results.It only takes one time.....
     
  19. ginger_qboy

    ginger_qboy Member

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    I agree... sadly. HIV has a horrible stigma attached to it. Although, I must admit that most people my age and younger (at least around here) are less ignorant about HIV/AIDS on average. This seems to vary regionally.

    I remember several HIV+ motivational speakers presenting in High School... Toronto hosts a large HIV/AIDS awareness event - Fashion Cares...
    MANY commercials on TV depicting young females in-love but totally unaware that they are HIV+, the ads are geared towards hetersexuals...

    No, society does not embrace HIV/AIDS with open arms however it IS improving.
     
  20. briefs

    briefs New Member

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    Like Bbucko says, always assume the other person is HIV-poz, not to mention having other STDs. You have to be responsible for yourself. Guys will say anything to have a good time.
    I've been poz since before 1982, I think, but only got confirmation after 1987. Half my life. I always disclose my status.
    And, like ChaoticBliss says, just ask. But still protect yourself.
     
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