How to politely ask if someone has HIV +

scottredleter

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Just look at the ads on Craigslist... that will prove to you that everyone is HIV - because they say so. No body would ever lie about something like that... either be like the guy on an earlier post and never have sex and live in fear the rest of your life alone, or educate yourself about how HIV s transmitted and talk openly (and soberly) about HIV. One thing I will say is that I think a lot of people fall into this, "they look healthy and go to the gym and have a smoking body, so there's no way they could be HIV+."
That really doesn't work.
Treat everyone like they were HIV + and think long and hard if yo trust your partner enough to never have any sex outside your relationship once you've determined that you are both neg. I've heard some really sad stories about couple who dropped condom use just a little too early.
 

matticus201

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Excellent advice in this thread, as always, from Bbucko and others. You just need to learn to be upfront and honest about your status, and be unafraid to question the status of others when you get down to it. You also have to take the appropriate steps to protect yourself and the other person every time without fail. If one is too embarrased to ask what a person's status is, then that person isn't mature enough for sexual activity.
 

TomCat84

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First, assume everyone is HIV+....wear condoms and use water or silicone based lube. Second, EDUCATE YOURSELF ABOUT HIV. Know how it works, and what the different levels of risks are that are associated with different acts. Be open minded with those who are poz. They dont have lepresy.
 

FuzzyKen

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There is an interesting point made here. Early on the guy who looked like a bodybuilder was the guy you assumed to be healthy. Today, with the steroids and male HRT as part of the treatment plan, for the most part it is relatively easy to spot an individual receiving advanced HIV treatment. If you're medically savvy you just have to know what markers are good indicators. Again, the idea here is education and knowing how to prevent transmission of the condition. This means not only knowing the other fellow, it means knowing yourself as well.

Isn't it just easier to have your fun and have it safely? Condoms and other things can reduce the chances of transmission even under bad conditions to almost the same as winning Powerball. Knowing the transmission pathways in addition and compensating accordingly can still give both parties a great time with nearly zero chance of spreading anything.

Common sense and always assume sero-positive are the answers.
 

Lex

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Fuzzy Ken and Bbucko have really hit all the nails on the head. I remember the first time I had the nerve to ask a guy with whom I was flirting what his status was, he was upfront, honest and told me how impressed he was that I asked in the first place.

^^^this.

people con lie. people can just not know yet.

This, to me, is more prevalent that lying. So many people do not know their status as they either don't get tested regularly or they assume because they don't "feel" bad that they are not postive.
 

dolfette

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This, to me, is more prevalent that lying. So many people do not know their status as they either don't get tested regularly or they assume because they don't "feel" bad that they are not postive.
there must be millions who have no idea.
but there have been a few cases hit the news where someone found out and gone psycho, deciding to take as many people as they could with them.

scary.
 

jerryhall

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You can offer information about your own status, that usually elicits a response. Of course, there is always the credibility factor of the other person, so condoms are a must.
 

monsternmypant

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How about showing some self-restraint???? Why would you even move in circles where there are people who might be exposed to HIV? From the question, I presume that you are not taking sufficient time to get to know the other person involved.

The lines about getting to know people and othering those with HIV, particularly when presented by men of an earlier generation who label themselves as other than 100% heterosexual bothers me. You were far more correct to note that people lie.

Over the last year I've met over a dozen guys in their 20s in D.C. who were lied to by their partners about HIV status in order to coax unprotected sex that led to their seroconversion. The important lesson from those encounters is that one should not rely on information from others about themselves in order to take decisions about mitigating risk. Assume everyone you have sex with has HIV and play accordingly. Wrap up the cock(s) and make sure that no one cums inside anyone else! Follow those rules, and no one gets hurt, while everyone has a good time.
 

Infernal

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It isn't a matter of being polite or not, you must ask the question. Ask, and wear a condom anyway. You are responsible for looking out for your own well being. People lie, and if you're getting into a 1 night stand with someone you will never see again, why take the chance and assume they are telling you the truth ? For some people, the orgasm is more important that the consequence of lying.
 

TomCat84

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The lines about getting to know people and othering those with HIV, particularly when presented by men of an earlier generation who label themselves as other than 100% heterosexual bothers me. You were far more correct to note that people lie.

Over the last year I've met over a dozen guys in their 20s in D.C. who were lied to by their partners about HIV status in order to coax unprotected sex that led to their seroconversion. The important lesson from those encounters is that one should not rely on information from others about themselves in order to take decisions about mitigating risk. Assume everyone you have sex with has HIV and play accordingly. Wrap up the cock(s) and make sure that no one cums inside anyone else! Follow those rules, and no one gets hurt, while everyone has a good time.

:rolleyes: I doubt that- Ive met a lot of HIV+ guys who SAY they were lied to- but they just dont want the stigma of having gotten HIV through their own stupidity. Dont believe everything you hear.
 

TomCat84

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Again, folks, EDUCATE yourself about HIV. Unprotected receptive anal sex is an absolute no no. However, unprotected insertive anal sex is much less risky, and oral (whether receptive or insertive) is functionally zero risk, absent any open wounds. You will NOT get HIV from swallowing cum from a poz guy, and in fact, there have NEVER been any confirmed cases of sero conversion solely from oral sex. Bottom line? No glove, no love.
 

lopo2000

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I very much appreciate all the replies by you guys! I have gotten a lot of information and the right ways to deal with this issue. I'll be aware of it, and beware too of course. Thank you so much again!
 

D_Huge Grant

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Sounds like a lot of people on here has got it right as I used to teach safer sex to middle and high school kids way back in the mid-90's!
I always tell everyone to assume one is HIV+ all the time, even if that person happens to be negative. It is always best to practice safe sex at all times regardless. Unless you happen to get into a relationship, I would suggest get tested twice in one year. After you two pass the test and come out negative, it is your own decision and risk to forego condoms and go bare. That is strictly based on trust between you two, provided that no one does any affairs without knowledge, etc.
Not only that, be upfront and ask the person. If he is uncomfortable, then that is the person's loss, not yours.
I can tell you one story that I boldly had to do...I met this HOT hung guy at a gay bar in L.A., he was drop dead hot and all that - a perfect 10 score if you will. :) When we got into bed at his place, we were ready to have a long hard session, we both were super hard - he was ready to top me at that moment...that moment, i scrambled and looked for a condom I thought I had with me. Apparently not, he searched for condoms in his bedroom but was out. So...we had no condoms!! What to do?? He insisted that we go on...and I stopped the whole thing. Of course, we unwinded and jacked off - without sex and I left. Well - few days later, the LA Pride came and he saw me in the crowd and boldly came up to me. I was surprised but he thanked me for my bold act and said that got him thinking more about safer sex. He gave me a nice big muscle hug and said thanks - from now on, he is more aware about the risks. I guess I made an impact on this guy but then again, I protected myself from a possible risk that I had encountered with a stranger. So yes, it is always best to ask upfront before engaging. Good luck and hopefully you get lucky with a 8+" dick next time! LOL