How To Say...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Incocknito, Dec 30, 2011.

  1. Incocknito

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    I have/may have a baby...

    I have met honestly the most perfect girl ever. Beautiful, smart, and just lovely. We haven't known each other long...

    But I am wondering how/when/if to tell her I have or may have a child. I guess I am just scared that she will think less of me and ultimately not want to see me anymore.

    Although on the other hand I don't want to lie to her or "lead her on" and for her to care about me and stuff and then hurt her that way.

    What should I do? Bearing in mind the baby isn't born yet and may not be mine. Although "the dates" do indicate that it will be.

    Part of me thinks I should be alone to focus on the baby, assuming it is mine. Part of me wants to try and be happy with someone but I honestly can't see it happening.

    Therefore I am reluctant to say/do anything and I find myself holding back/waiting for her to "end it"...

    Advice?
     
  2. Patchos

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  3. helgaleena

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    This is very sudden. Don't spill yet. Just do what brings you and her joy, for now. Also, she might have the ol' feet of clay and you have just met. Too much up in the air for big confessions until you have known her quite a bit longer.
     
  4. sexplease

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    the ones that matter, don't mind.
    and the ones that mind, don't matter.

    People cherish and love and like you....and perhaps some do not.
    Only one way to find out: communicate.
     
  5. LaFemme

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    I agree with Helga. You don't have anything definite yet. You think you've met the perfect girl, but you don't know that for sure. Give everything some time. Should this develop into something more serious AND you actually find out you are a father, THEN you have something you need to talk to her about. I wouldn't start unpacking baggage you might not even have before she's comfortable peeing in front of you.
     
  6. Incocknito

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    Hmm okay thanks peeps. Wasn't sure about the protocol here, I thought it was best to tell people asap, almost as in "Hi, I'm [Incocknito], and I have a baby" ...

    We will see how things go
     
  7. Rikter8

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    Get tested to rule you out as the father first and foremost.

    Honestly even though it shouldn't matter to the new woman....You may end up paying child support which will be a huge financial burden on your relationship with this new woman.

    I would not want to jump into a relationship where my significant other's income may be sucked into an unknown vacuum - including the house that you may purchase together.

    If your not the father, consider yourself lucky, and wear a condom next time.
     
    #7 Rikter8, Dec 31, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2011
  8. helgaleena

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    Good call, Rikter8 and LaFemme. Without that test, there is not fact, only supposition.
     
  9. snbk

    snbk New Member

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    spill it.
    momma's baby daddy's maybe.

    that's the rule. so tell her now. if you tell her now and it's not yours then you will look chivalrous for owning up to it. if you don't tell her and it is yours, and she finds out that you left some chick high and dry when it came to prenatal appointments, birthing classes and without financial support, she will not only break up with you she will tell people how bad you suck.
    if i met a man who got a woman pregnant or even thought he did, and waited to find out for sure before bolting, i would know he was at least thoughtful and loyal. babies have to do a lot to actually GET here. and to not be involved or at least offer on the front end is immature and selfish.
     
  10. SprinkleMe69

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    Dude, you're in the newness of a budding thing with this woman you've met. Get to a comfortable zone before letting that out. you will know when you get to the right point of telling her all about you, even the stuff behind the scenes. Make that sometime after you have the test.
     
  11. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    This is actually what I would want you to do were I the new gf.

    I don't think it's fair not to.
     
  12. Thirdlegproduction

    Thirdlegproduction Formerly WhiteMonst3r
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    You can simply ask her, "How do you feel about men who have children?"
     
  13. redz_rule

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    If it was me I would want to know - IMHO things are far easier to accept when you know them from the outset. If you two end up making a go of it you're just storing up future drama, even if you aren't the baby daddy - you were going through all of this and didn't tell her. IMO, it's one of those things where that act (or omission) becomes the issue.

    I don't think you need to be alone to focus on the baby - you're entitled to grown-up time too. Just keep your priorities in order.
     
  14. D_Judith K Rantz

    D_Judith K Rantz New Member

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    Before you tell her anything get a paternity test to find out if it is truly your baby. Then, if you end up being the father, let the relationship develop and deepen until you feel comfortable enough to tell her. No point in delving into it if the baby is not proven to be yours.

    And be smarter next time...don't be a prick, cover your stick.
     
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