How to seal the deal with this girl?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by fak_et, Oct 30, 2007.

  1. fak_et

    fak_et New Member

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    Ive been wanting to try out a relationship as it has been a couple years since Ive had one. Ive dated a lot of girls over the past few months and found one I really like, it seems to be reciprocal as she always wants to hang out and gives me a lot of signs.

    Ive made my intentions clear a couple times that I would like her to be my gf. She said yes once and then said she wanted to take things slower. The second time, she said if we hang out more, stuff might fall into place. She does say that she likes me a lot.

    The problem is, she has had a really bad experience with a relationship in the past and I think she is stereotyping me with that.

    Now generally sex would be a tool to seal the deal here but she has made it clear she wont have sex without a relationship.

    What should I do? I feel like im starting to waste time at this point as its been a long time and no results.
     
  2. Sixofspades

    Sixofspades New Member

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    What I'd do from here is back off a little, funny enough. If she calls and wants to hang out, say you can't at the moment. She needs to see some hesitation on your part, it will make her want to come further of her own volition. Not only that, but throwing a few harmless hurdles into the mix nearly always increases chemistry. You've probably been a little too go-with-the-flow up til now, and it can hurt things more than you'd think. A little evasiveness goes a long way, because a person likes to know you've got standards and other things to do. If you're waiting on her every move, it becomes really unattractive. And for the love of god, don't tell her you want her to be your girlfriend. It's way too much pressure. Keep things fun and light-hearted, seem busy at least some of the time, and let her do some of the running. There's nothing in it for her if she can't sweat things a little.
     
  3. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    Sex au debut will seal your relationship for all of five minutes...metaphorically, relative to the connection you would you have if you 'tease' each other and just show affection until you both can't stand it.

    Just hang out, treat her nice. Enjoy each other's company. Don't ask her again since maybe your keenness is what's putting her off a bit.

    I think if she wanted sex straight away, you'd have had sex by now. It sounds like she is a bit wary. You'll have to just treat her right and convince her she's more than a piece of ass (if that's how you feel of course)
     
  4. rope9839

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    Don't make signals about commitment or going steady or anything like that. You are experiencing the complicating factors of that. Simply make a move when you two are together. She might just want sex with you, but doesn't want the entanglements of a formal relationship right now.
     
  5. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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  6. fak_et

    fak_et New Member

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    I really didn't get much out of these posts. Ill give her a lil bit of time and maybe bring it up next time we are cuddling. I think i just gotta make sure that its clear that I won't be like her past relationship which was really messed up according to the stuff she told me.
     
  7. G_U

    G_U New Member

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    I find that honesty is the best policy interestingly enough. Now I know what you are thinking. "What if I tell her I want sex and she gets panicked and I fuck things over?" Well, here is the thing. In a relationship is sex important to you? Probably. Let's not beat around the bush. Sex is at minimum, %10 of a relationship.

    Now if she doesn't want sex, then you two aren't compatible. Also, you should probably tell her how you feel about the fact that she lumps you in with some asshole who used her and tossed her out like soggy brown toilet paper. Do it with a rhetorical question though. "Do you really see me as that kind of person?" It automatically shifts it to her being the cruel one. Now the idea is obviously not to make her feel like shit, but to make her understand that how she acts makes an impact on you emotionally and that just like you are trying to be understanding to her, she needs to be understanding to you.

    Communication is so important in any relationship. The important thing his how you approach it though. You don't want to be attacking them or accusing them, but at the same time, you want them to understand what your feelings and needs are. It's a two way street. It might also help to get her to talk her feelings out with you a little too. Just listening can go a long way. Be supportive and empathetic, but also try to get the same from her in return. If things don't work out, it wasn't really meant to be.

    Some of this is just stuff I would do personally, but other stuff is general advice that I think anyone can get behind.
     
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